Is it normal for to date someone for four months and not have sex?

[Anonymous]

I am 55 and he is 60. We've been dating for four months but have only kissed. We see each other once a week - usually go out on dinner dates. I would never pressure him to become more serious, but at this point, I'm not sure I can do this anymore. Only want to continue seeing him if he wants to become more serious. I totally respect if he doesn't want to, but think I may need to bow out. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. As the relationship stands, I don't feel like I can be open to being vulnerable when he doesn't seem to show an interest in becoming closer and more intimate.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I have definitely been in relationships for four months without sex, but we did much more than just kiss. Pretty much “everything but.” For me it’s because I like to make sure it’s going to be a serious relationship and exclusive and also get STD testing first. So I date for a few months before I have sex with someone. Once a week and only kissing for four months is a bit unusual. But maybe not at 60? I don’t know, I’m younger

[Anonymous]

Yes, my (now) wife and I dated for almost three years and didn’t have sex until our wedding night. But we’re Christians, so abnormal to most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my (now) wife and I dated for almost three years and didn’t have sex until our wedding night. But we’re Christians, so abnormal to most people.

That is beautiful.

[Anonymous]

If it isn’t a religious thing like PP and his wife (which you’d know about by now), I’d say he’s putting off sex at 60 because he’s impotent.

Signed,

Person who waited due to religious reasons

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing he’s got ED.

Op, you should tell him exactly what you wrote. You want more intimacy. Give him a chance to discuss the reasons behind the lack of going beyond what you’ve done. And be prepared to call it quits.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to him about this? That would be step one - but don’t hit him over the head with “I can’t be in a relationship without sex” start a bit softer, like, “I’d like to enjoy more intimacy” and get the conversation going.

[Anonymous]

Having sex, and him wanting to be more serious, are two different questions. Seems to me that you need to ask him where he sees the relationship going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my (now) wife and I dated for almost three years and didn’t have sex until our wedding night. But we’re Christians, so abnormal to most people.

That is beautiful.

Why is that beautiful? I'm not saying it's wrong or anything, but I just don't see how surpressing your sexuality is beautiful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my (now) wife and I dated for almost three years and didn’t have sex until our wedding night. But we’re Christians, so abnormal to most people.

That is beautiful.

Why is that beautiful? I'm not saying it's wrong or anything, but I just don't see how surpressing your sexuality is beautiful?

Why do you say it is “suppressing your sexuality” to wait until marriage? I don’t get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my (now) wife and I dated for almost three years and didn’t have sex until our wedding night. But we’re Christians, so abnormal to most people.

You did nothing but kiss?

[Anonymous]

Try initiating and see what happens. It's 2021 women can do that now.

If you have tried initiating and he's turned you down, you have your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my (now) wife and I dated for almost three years and didn’t have sex until our wedding night. But we’re Christians, so abnormal to most people.

What specific passages in the Bible forbid premarital sex?

[Anonymous]

I was a 29 year old widow and my then BF was a 33 year old new divorcee. We dated for 4 months before having sex because we were both working through our own version of moving on. I’m glad we didn’t rush it when I look back, but I was definitely ready before he was and getting annoyed that all nights ended with him just going home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having sex, and him wanting to be more serious, are two different questions. Seems to me that you need to ask him where he sees the relationship going.

+1 I also agree with a PP that there may be some ED issues going on - but you won't know until you start having conversations. Please think about what you want and if you can have a relationship with someone who may have ED.

FWIW, my DH (of 20+ years) suffers from ED that doesn't respond to medication. While we remain happily married, I don't know that it would have worked had we not had such a strong relationship prior to his ED. We do a lot of other stuff to maintain that intimacy.