College Kid’s Significant Other

[Anonymous]

Why would one avoid visiting significant other’s family? If someone is dating, going steady and living together off campus for more than a year would find excuses not to accompany their significant other for a few hr drive to meet their family or see their home?

[Anonymous]

They are not interested in that type of relationship. This is most likely not long term, but they want the benefits of cohabitation (hello, regular sex and food).

[Anonymous]

Is this just a random weekend visit or for a holiday? My husband and I didn't celebrate Christmas together until we got married. We both felt a responsibility to be with our own families, and mine live overseas so it was difficult to see them. But we spent a lot of vacations/random weekends visiting each other's families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this just a random weekend visit or for a holiday? My husband and I didn't celebrate Christmas together until we got married. We both felt a responsibility to be with our own families, and mine live overseas so it was difficult to see them. But we spent a lot of vacations/random weekends visiting each other's families.

Same. My wife and I met in college and lived together. Even though we were serious, we were still young enough that spending the holidays with our respective families was important. I didn't spend a holiday with my wife's family until we were engaged.

Now, if this is just a normal long weekend visit that they are avoiding... hmm, maybe it's you, OP? Perhaps your DC has told their SO things about the parents or homelife that make them not want to visit. Even before spending a holiday with my wife's family, I had spent several weekends with her family.

[Anonymous]

Just random weekend to get to know the person their kid has gotten so involved with.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps they have anxiety. Young people aren't always the most mature, and avoidance seems like an easy way to go.

[Anonymous]

1) the non visitor thinks the relationship is not serious enough
2) quirky kid who doesn’t like family stuff/is traumatized by her own family being controlling or jerks
3) they are too lazy and afraid it would be boring

[Anonymous]

4 They had bad experience with another SO family
5. They don’t want to have to return the offer to visit their family
6. Your kid didn’t invite them
7. Fear that you would post concerns on public message board

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) the non visitor thinks the relationship is not serious enough
2) quirky kid who doesn’t like family stuff/is traumatized by her own family being controlling or jerks
3) they are too lazy and afraid it would be boring

+1

[Anonymous]

They aren't that serious about our son. They're just having fun.

[Anonymous]

The same reasons we told you yesterday. But mainly, they don't have any interest in meeting the fam.

[Anonymous]

It would be awkward. College dating is causal; meeting the family is formal and signals a "next step."

[Anonymous]

Have you met them at all? If so, let this go. If not, directly ask your son to bring them to visit. That said, a weekend visit is A LOT. Especially in college.

Maybe they are wondering why YOU haven't visited and taken them out to dinner and tried to get to know them? And if you have, like I said, let this one go.

[Anonymous]

To my old-fashioned mind, meeting the parents comes BEFORE living together. However, maybe it's not that kind of living together. Maybe it's a group living situation that dwindled to just those two, who happened to hit it off. Who knows.

The bottom line is, young adults are often just overgrown children with little sense of etiquette, and you have to be prepared to be tolerant of their foibles until they grow up and act like real adults. I was a very immature young adult (but I did introduce my college boyfriend, now husband, to my parents ASAP!).

[Anonymous]

Maybe “they” are not the gender you expect?