Is your spouse a foundational person in you life?

[Anonymous]

I admit I have no idea what this means, but it was brought up in another thread.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Incidental at best.

Children. Best friends. Immediate family. Several teachers and mentors along the way.

Spouse is foundational only in the sense that she is significant, and I have to deal with her relentless drama. But not remotely foundational in the sense of who I am, or in the sense of being part of the sturdy support mechanisms in my life (as in a foundation of a house). She is actually the most actively destructive influence in my life, and in the life of anyone else she’s ever been close to.

—tons of baggage for a relatively benign (albeit strange) question!

[Anonymous]

Yes. I can’t see how they couldn’t be to be honest. Even a failed marriage is formative for most people

[Anonymous]

Yes. We met in our 20s, so still growing up. We gave each other the space, support and grace to become better people, together. Can’t imagine life without him.

[Anonymous]

My spouse, who passed recently, was such an important and wonderful part of my life. I’m lost without them in my life.

[Anonymous]

Foundation no! She is too naive to the world to be so.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. We both add so much to each other’s lives and couldn’t do it without the other.

There’s a weird notion going around that your partner shouldn’t be that important in your life, that you shouldn’t expect to meet each others’ needs. It’s so bizarre to me, I’ve always felt very strongly that marriage is about building a life together, sort of an “us vs the world” thing. I think that idea is mostly perpetuated by people who aren’t interested in being a present partner and want to continue living as if they were single.

[Anonymous]

I’d say so, yes. Met in our mid 20s, I was an adult but looking back, just barely. My personality was fully developed, but I have definitely grown and changed, as has my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse, who passed recently, was such an important and wonderful part of my life. I’m lost without them in my life.

I am so sorry. My spouse is absolutely my foundation in life, and I can't imagine living without him. I hope you find your way in this new phase of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse, who passed recently, was such an important and wonderful part of my life. I’m lost without them in my life.

I am so sorry. My spouse is absolutely my foundation in life, and I can't imagine living without him. I hope you find your way in this new phase of life.

Thank you. I miss a million little things.

[Anonymous]

I think not. For me, foundational speaks to identity or forming my beliefs or worth. That is a firm no. That's not to say he's not an important person in my life or that I wouldn't miss him terribly if he were to pass, but I am who I am, always was, and I can't even say my parents shaped me that much, and before the naysayers start my mother would agree.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Not in terms of forming my personality but he absolutely is the foundation of my adult life. I love him to pieces. We get along splendidly and it still feels like a honeymoon after 15 yrs.

[Anonymous]

I guess I am not sure of the definition, but we met when I was 26 and my adult self was formed. My college boyfriend was my foundational relationship, but that clearly didn't last forever. He is the one with whom I formed an understanding of what I wanted out of life.

That said, my husband is very important to me as is the life we built/are making together.

[Anonymous]

My best friend, lover, father of my children? Absolutely!

[Anonymous]

Yes.