What's it like being married to someone much older?

[Anonymous]

If you have an 8 years + gap in age with your husband, what has that been like? Would you recommend it?

[Anonymous]

8 years isn't that much. I'd say more than 15/20 years is when it really starts to make a difference. I dated someone seriously for many years that 14 years older than me. There really wasn't much difference to me in dating someone older vs the same age.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter until the older spouse is like 70 or has major health issues.

[Anonymous]

9 year gap here. Met when I was 21 and he was 30 and we still like each other more than 20 years later. Works for us. I’ll always feel relatively “young” compared to him. He started having middle-aged health problems before I did, but I’m catching up lately and now I kind of feel like we’re both slowly falling apart together, lol. Would I recommend it? Sure, if you love the person, why not?

[Anonymous]

I would say anything nearing 10 years is a lot. It’s the difference between being a little kid in school on 9/11 and being a college student protesting the Iraq war. Your cultural references are completely different and so is your relationship to technology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t matter until the older spouse is like 70 or has major health issues.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t matter until the older spouse is like 70 or has major health issues.

+1 I have two friends who had a great time being the younger wives of older men -- until the men started to age. Both spent their 50s and early 60s as nursemaids, basically unable to leave the house until their husbands finally died.

[Anonymous]

When we were both young, say under 45, you really couldn't tell a difference. Now that my spouse is mid-60s, while still in tremendous health, our interests and desires to do things are veering apart. Who knows, that might have happened even if we were the same age, but it saddens me that I feel like I'm missing out on some things because my spouse is in a different state of life.

[Anonymous]

18 year age gap.

Nothing different for now. I anticipate health issues as he gets older.

As a multi-cultural person with parents from different countries and languages, it didn't faze me in the least to marry someone from yet another country and culture. We don't have the same references, not because of the age gap, but because we didn't live in the same place, worship the same way, eat the same food, or speak the same language, growing up. I LIKE that aspect of our relationship. Our friends also hail from various countries. It's what makes life interesting and not boring.

But yes, the health issues down the road might be hard to deal with.

[Anonymous]

The only person I know who married much older has about a 30-40 year gap, and I don't see how that makes sense to anyone. BUT he "happens" to have money, and she happens to need money for her extended family, so it "works", and they put up a united front in public and social situations. They have a three year old, and it is um, awkward.

Her parents are much younger than his side's cousins, which makes family gatherings/events a little weird. Plus his family is never quite sure who her real "cousins" are, or if they are just hangers on. Again, awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18 year age gap.

Nothing different for now. I anticipate health issues as he gets older.

As a multi-cultural person with parents from different countries and languages, it didn't faze me in the least to marry someone from yet another country and culture. We don't have the same references, not because of the age gap, but because we didn't live in the same place, worship the same way, eat the same food, or speak the same language, growing up. I LIKE that aspect of our relationship. Our friends also hail from various countries. It's what makes life interesting and not boring.

But yes, the health issues down the road might be hard to deal with.

It's not the relationships with different cultures that are an issue - those are interesting and fun! Entirely separate, it is the relationships that look more like "business deals", ahem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we were both young, say under 45, you really couldn't tell a difference. Now that my spouse is mid-60s, while still in tremendous health, our interests and desires to do things are veering apart. Who knows, that might have happened even if we were the same age, but it saddens me that I feel like I'm missing out on some things because my spouse is in a different state of life.

+1

I know someone in that situation, and all he wants to do is golf (he's earned it!). All she wants to do is spend time with her birth family and people from her culture, but I guess that is more people to take care of him, now that he is in his 70's.

[Anonymous]

It's not just the health issues, but also about retirement. The older person will retire long before the younger person can or willing to. Different life stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we were both young, say under 45, you really couldn't tell a difference. Now that my spouse is mid-60s, while still in tremendous health, our interests and desires to do things are veering apart. Who knows, that might have happened even if we were the same age, but it saddens me that I feel like I'm missing out on some things because my spouse is in a different state of life.

+1

I know someone in that situation, and all he wants to do is golf (he's earned it!). All she wants to do is spend time with her birth family and people from her culture, but I guess that is more people to take care of him, now that he is in his 70's.

To add - I can't imagining not liking the culture you married into!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we were both young, say under 45, you really couldn't tell a difference. Now that my spouse is mid-60s, while still in tremendous health, our interests and desires to do things are veering apart. Who knows, that might have happened even if we were the same age, but it saddens me that I feel like I'm missing out on some things because my spouse is in a different state of life.

This happened to my mom when she married someone 12 years older. Her husband is still in good health but doesn't want to go out and do a lot of things. He also retired at 60 with a samll government pension, and she still worked for 17 years after that, which honestly would have made me furious.