Kid that refuse to eat

[Anonymous]

Okay, my almost 3 year old has been refusing to eat at the table. For example, I have offered varieties of food at each meal, some carbs (that she sometimes likes it, sometimes does not like), veggies (that she hates) and meat (used to eat a bit, now refuses to eat) and a glass of milk (that she hates). She may only eat some carbs, and then she refuses to eat further. And, she is still hungry, and she won't let me getting her off the booster seat. If I ask her to eat other food, she keeps saying "yucky", "no", or cries in tears. I cannot get her go hungry before bedtime, so I cut her some apples (she likes), but I still have to give her some more carbs (like bread, crackers) to eat or else she could not sleep through the night. In the past, she has drank full bottle of water before bedtime because she was still hungry, and then she wet her bed (diaper too full) and wake up whining a few times the whole night.

I hate it that at the end, I still have to give it to her at almost every meals (especially dinnertime). I have tried different varieties of food, but if she does not want to eat, even I force her, she will spit out with tears. To kid like that, should I just let her go hunger for days and crying in tears without giving in to give her extra food after dinnertime? She is so stubborn and rigid.

[Anonymous]

I know the DCUM crowd swears by Ellen Slate but I do not think it work for all kids. I would add things she will definitely eat to dinner..like always have some apples and bread. Try to expand..like dip and apple or honey or pb? Melt some cheese on the bread? even a different color apple is an expansion.

[Anonymous]

One of the reasons that I like Ellyn Satter so much is that if you truly practice it, it reduces the stress of dinner time by completely removing the awful meal-time tug of war between parents and kids. You put the food on the table. Your daughter can choose to eat it or not.

People often thinks this means that you put liver and onions on the table and let your child starve otherwise. That is NOT what this is about.

It's about reducing stress, and your daughter is clearly stressed a mealtimes. I know you mean well, but the fact that you've tried to force feed her shows how out of control this situation is. Of COURSE she wants to assert her will and have some control.

You really need to hit the reset button on meals, and just LAY OFF her completely. Tell her the rules ahead of time. "What's on the table is what is for dinner. You get to choose if you want to eat or not. It's totally up to you. I won't pressure you to eat anything."

And then stick to it. If you cave every other night, it's ADDING to her stress. She knows if she cries she'll get the foods she likes. But not always, so she cries harder. She's stressed and confused and it's made worse by being hungry.

If she'll always eat apple, then just include that in the meal every night as something you all share as the family. Then you can always feel confident that there is something on the table you know she likes.

But I just want to reiterate that it's less about WHAT is on the table, and more about how she FEELS at the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know the DCUM crowd swears by Ellen Slate but I do not think it work for all kids. I would add things she will definitely eat to dinner..like always have some apples and bread. Try to expand..like dip and apple or honey or pb? Melt some cheese on the bread? even a different color apple is an expansion.

We didn’t do Satter, but isn’t one of her principles to always ensure that there is a food on the table that the child will eat? Or is that someone else?


OP, check out Kids Eat in Color, and try not to turn it into a battle, which is sounds like it might be becoming.

Many people will swear their kids never went though a picky stage and have always eaten everything, but that’s not my experience. Continue to offer different foods in a calm manner, and make sure you’re offering something that she can eat happily.

[Anonymous]

No battles! Let it go. My 7 year old and 4 year olds routinely do not eat dinner. I always have something on the table they will eat - rice, plain chicken, a veg I know they'll touch - and sometimes they eat and sometimes they don't. And if they don't, oh well. I always say (when they complain about being hungry right at bedtime as a stall tactic) - yes, I bet you're hungry! You'll eat a big breakfast tomorrow when you wake up. Do not force feed. Do not make it a big deal. Put the food on the table, and let it go.

[Anonymous]

And, she is still hungry, and she won't let me getting her off the booster seat.

She can stay and keep you company at the table. Just clear the table when you're done. If she refuses to leave the table even after everyone is done eating, that's a separate issue.

I mean, she's 2, so you could just pick her up and carry her.

Or, just drop the rope and don't acknowledge the behavior. She'll get up eventually when she realizes she's not getting your attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, my almost 3 year old has been refusing to eat at the table. For example, I have offered varieties of food at each meal, some carbs (that she sometimes likes it, sometimes does not like), veggies (that she hates) and meat (used to eat a bit, now refuses to eat) and a glass of milk (that she hates). She may only eat some carbs, and then she refuses to eat further. And, she is still hungry, and she won't let me getting her off the booster seat. If I ask her to eat other food, she keeps saying "yucky", "no", or cries in tears. I cannot get her go hungry before bedtime, so I cut her some apples (she likes), but I still have to give her some more carbs (like bread, crackers) to eat or else she could not sleep through the night. In the past, she has drank full bottle of water before bedtime because she was still hungry, and then she wet her bed (diaper too full) and wake up whining a few times the whole night.

I hate it that at the end, I still have to give it to her at almost every meals (especially dinnertime). I have tried different varieties of food, but if she does not want to eat, even I force her, she will spit out with tears. To kid like that, should I just let her go hunger for days and crying in tears without giving in to give her extra food after dinnertime? She is so stubborn and rigid.

She isn’t refusing to eat. She is refusing to eat what you want her to. Offer her more of the food she likes. Why are you force feeding and assuming you should let her not eat for days? You sound as stubborn as you say she is : eat the food I pick or starve!!

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Please instruct me how to do the portion. At every dinner, I have 50% for carb (she normally will eat 30-50% of that, but sometimes none), 25% veggie (does not touch that), 25% meat (not eating it these days). There is always a glass of milk that she never touches and I drink at the end of mealtime. I can add a small apple that slices up, and I think she can eats 5-6 pieces of it. It is still not enough food that she still goes hungry. Should I add additional different carb (like bread rolls, muffin) on the side that I know she will eat? But those are breakfast food, so she will eat same breakfast food & dinner food? Isn't it unhealthy if I increase her carb intake like this at mealtime on top of her poor diet?

I know what she wants to eat, we have cheese pizza every friday (she will eat) but I cannot feed her cheese pizza every night. She also likes cupcake, muffin, cookie, crackers, icecream and juice. I am happy to give her that as rewards for eating some dinner, but not to feed her up with these junk food.

She does not let me to take away her food tray or take her down from booster seat, but she keeps telling me that she wants "snacks" and "juice". Sure, I can let her sitting by me to keep me company to eat, and so I should stay calm and not offering any more food before her bedtime? She did that a few times drinking a full bottle of water because she was hungry, and she wets the bed (diaper too full) and crying/waking up in the middle of night. Of course, I can put a protective cover over bedsheet if that helps.

[Anonymous]

Dessert is not a reward for eating dinner. If you are serving dessert that night, you can either serve it alongside the dinner food or not, but people eat it if they want to, not because they earned it. Yes, this means the kid might only eat a cookie. Yes, you just put a bit of each thing on her plate. She eats what she wants out of it. Don't put a full cup of milk - just put a little cup - or water. If you take a look at Kids EAt In Color, she shows you how to introduce new foods, how to plate food for a kid, etc.

She eats or not, dinner lasts as long as you determine, and dessert is not a reward. It's food, just like all other food, and treated the same - eat if you want don't eat if you don't want, eat a logical amount of it.

She's 2, so 'she does not let me' take away her food is not true. You are the parent - you announce that dinner is over, and remove the food. You can say things like - oh, you are playing with your food. You must not be hungry anymore, so that tells me you are finished with dinner". Remove plate. She can cry and beg for apple and juice. That's her right, and because you give in, she'll continue. Eventually, if you never give in, she won't. You can say something like, "I hear you that you'd like juice. No juice tonight. Would you like water?" She will cry, and that is ok. Keep moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Please instruct me how to do the portion. At every dinner, I have 50% for carb (she normally will eat 30-50% of that, but sometimes none), 25% veggie (does not touch that), 25% meat (not eating it these days). There is always a glass of milk that she never touches and I drink at the end of mealtime. I can add a small apple that slices up, and I think she can eats 5-6 pieces of it. It is still not enough food that she still goes hungry. Should I add additional different carb (like bread rolls, muffin) on the side that I know she will eat? But those are breakfast food, so she will eat same breakfast food & dinner food? Isn't it unhealthy if I increase her carb intake like this at mealtime on top of her poor diet?

I know what she wants to eat, we have cheese pizza every friday (she will eat) but I cannot feed her cheese pizza every night. She also likes cupcake, muffin, cookie, crackers, icecream and juice. I am happy to give her that as rewards for eating some dinner, but not to feed her up with these junk food.

She does not let me to take away her food tray or take her down from booster seat, but she keeps telling me that she wants "snacks" and "juice". Sure, I can let her sitting by me to keep me company to eat, and so I should stay calm and not offering any more food before her bedtime? She did that a few times drinking a full bottle of water because she was hungry, and she wets the bed (diaper too full) and crying/waking up in the middle of night. Of course, I can put a protective cover over bedsheet if that helps.

I always serve fruit to my kid at dinner because it is her gateway food that gets her started eating instead of digging in and being upset about the other things on her plate because I know that one she digs in and gets upset it's very unlikely that a sufficient meal will be eaten and it's really unpleasant--but if she eats her fruit she'll frequently start eating the other things on the plate because she's still hungry, and then it's fine. We also always have some kind of carb, some kind of protein, and some kind of vegetable, but I don't expect mine to eat everything from every category every night. I'd make a list for yourself of foods your kid will eat in each category and then make sure that either the protein or the carb will be ones that she will eat. Will your child eat plain cheese? Do you make your own muffins? We do that and there's a lot you can do with muffins to make them healthier but still really good tasting.

[Anonymous]

I have a 2.5 yr old who cares very little about food and dinner time can be rough. Who knows if this is right, but I give him a serving of what we are having every night and he may or may not touch it. Sometimes he gobbles it up. Other times he just says he doesn't like it. Then we have a mental list of things he will usually eat and we offer them when dinner is winding down. He will usually eat yogurt (his favorite are the chobani yogurts that you flip the fruit into), clementines, a spoonful of peanut butter (don't put too much on the spoon... just be prepared with a few spoons to dip and hand to her), apples, granola balls (i find them at trader joes), slices of swiss cheese and raisins. When he really refuses to eat, we'll ask if he wants ice cream or goldfish. His BMI is in the 5th percentile so I am just really concerned with getting him to eat SOMETHING. All this to say, I feel your pain!

[Anonymous]

Are you really sure she is not getting enough food?
My kids often didn't eat dinner at this age, it's pretty normal. They ate normal breakfast, lunch, and snacks, by dinner they were just tired. Their weight and growth was fine.

[Anonymous]

My DS doesn't eat much at dinner. He eats a bigger breakfast, smaller lunch, minimal dinner, plus snacks.

I try to do what others have said in this thread. Offer at least one thing you know they like, don't force them to eat anything, but don't give in and give them a whole different meal if they don't like it.

Honestly, sometimes I'm guilty of pressuring my kid to just "try one bite" bc it drives me nuts if he rejects something without even trying it, and/or trying to bribe him with dessert if he eats his meal. But I realize that is probably counterproductive.

[Anonymous]

Cyproheptadine

[Anonymous]

Well I had 2 kids that both had a fussy phase in the 2's. I pretty much was very flexible about offering lots of things not wanting to make dinner/food any kind of issue. #1 just grew out of it after several weeks and eats everything. #2 stayed very particular though is better over time.

I would not worry that she might get too much apple. Put out more apple is that is working. I would try to get away from serving another different meal before bed.