Husband is worthless in the morning
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Anonymous
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I was a SAHM for 8 years and the plan was always for me to go back to work when our youngest started K. Well, that was virtual so we delayed a year. Now I’m working in-person and DH is WFH. The thing is, he isn’t helping in the morning. I know he just can’t do our 6-year-old’s hair but he could pack lunches and help brush their teeth. He seemed disgruntled that I asked him to help with teeth this morning. Before I went back to work, I did these things in the morning and oversaw my son’s morning piano practice. Now I need to shower and get dressed. DH literally works in sweats and a t-shirt and almost never showers. It feels unfair and he doesn’t care. |
Anonymous
| So when you say “hey, now that I’m back at work I can’t do everything in the mornings, how shall we rearrange things?” what does he say? |
Anonymous
He thinks he’s involved enough. He groans and says things like, “See? I’m handing them their backpacks.” Or, “I told Larlo to put his shoes on.” It’s not enough. I need him to do something significant, not make little comments while I do everything else. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you need to pick a time when the kids are occupied and neither of you is stressed and really talk about how you can divide responsibilities. Come to that meeting with a list of what needs to be done and when and then divide them up. |
Anonymous
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Have him do stuff the night before like prep lunches etc. Im a disaster in the mornings I'm home thanks to working night shift. I get DS' lunch, backpack, anf whatever else prepped the night before. That way DH or I just have to ensure lunchbox goes in backpack and kid is dressed and had breakfast. At 6, kid can dress themselves.
Have dad do all the prepping and breakfast work as well as makinh sure kid is dressed. You can supervise kid brushing their teeth while dry your hair. |
Anonymous
| Make a list and let him pick half. Include night before things. If he does some of your night things you might have to go to sleep 30 min earlier, wake up 30 minutes earlier if you want to keep the peace because he sounds like a whiner. |
Anonymous
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LOL!
Many years my DH begged me to stay at home when my kid was down with mono and we had to take turns to stay back home. He was hands-on enough otherwise, so that was not the issue. But we were living on the razor's edge and any small illness in the kids derailed our lives significantly. After that, I never went back. He has never mentioned me going back. He has never questioned any outsourcing. Now my youngest is getting ready to leave and no, I am not going back. |
Anonymous
Figure it out NOT during the morning. So the night before decide who does what. Try not to be accusatory, but just "hey, our family schedule is shifting because now I need to go into an office. In the mornings, here's the list of things that need to be done. I feel like when I ask for help, you are grumbling at me, when in reality we both just need to work to get all these things done." The first things that pops out is to pack bags and make lunches the night before. |
Anonymous
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Perhaps speak with him and explain that now you're returning to work it would be helpful to spend 10-15 minutes in the morning to help get the kids ready. I pack my kids lunches and it takes 5-6 minutes. Just have the items in stock.
In regards to brushing, by age six your kid should know how to brush. |
Anonymous
| Why do you need to help a six year old brush teeth? |
Anonymous
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Here's what works for us:
1) Do as much of the prep work as possible the night prior (clothes, backpacks, lunches, breakfast ready) 2) WFH parent gets kids fed, dressed and makes sure they use the bathroom/brush teeth (we have a checklist so nothing is forgotten) 3) WOH parent wakes up before kids to shower, start getting ready and then gets kids out the door and does drop off I'm usually the one WFH, but DH will take over if I'm going into the office and he's at home. At the beginning of the school year, I just told him that's how things were going to work to get everyone out of the house on time. And he's the type who will sit around drinking his coffee, playing with his phone while watching tv, completely oblivious to me scrambling to get the kids to an activity on the weekend, so I'm confident most husbands can play their part if given specific instructions. |
Anonymous
Our dentist tells us to do it with our 8yo because she’s not getting her molars clean enough and she’s prone to cavities. It’s a pain and I’m trying to teach her how to do it herself but it’s better than tooth decay. |
Anonymous
| Whose idea was it for you to go back to work? Your approach to DH is going to have to be different if you were pushing it over his qualms. But I agree with the people saying to discuss this not in the AM and not in front of the kids. |
Anonymous
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My husband talks A LOT about how much his "home" workload increased when I went back to work. He was mostly graceful about taking more on and adjusting - but I just want to flag that it's probably worth a bigger conversation between the two of you about expectations around all household labor in your "new normal" and what does and does not need to change.
Just saying - this shift is not nearly as simple as you leaving the house for work and your kid leaving the house for school and your husband continuing with the same routine as before. But sometimes that needs to be made explicit. |
Anonymous
| You sound whiny and exhausting. |