Bi women married to men

[Anonymous]

Is this you? Are you happy with your decision?

(Me: yes. And maybe?)

[Anonymous]

Yes and yes!

[Anonymous]

Yes and maybe. I love my husband but wish I was more open about my sexuality before I married him.

And to the poster above me… what???

[Anonymous]

Yes and yes. But full disclosure: when I was dating putting "bisexual" on your dating profile got you the creepiest possible attention from men and borderline hostile attention from lesbians, so I listed straight and met women at lesbian bars. I think it's improved since then so if I were single again I'd be honest in my profile and probably date more women.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and yes. The fact is it’s harder to date women. I was quite young and life is generally stressful in your twenties, but I remember being ostracized for being bi. I really love domme lesbians but felt excluded from that life.

All that said, I adore my spouse and am very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and maybe. I love my husband but wish I was more open about my sexuality before I married him.

And to the poster above me… what???

Np — she wants a woman who identifies as a woman, not a man who identifies as a woman, not a woman who identifies as a man…

Not sure why this is complicated to some??

[Anonymous]

OP here, and I'm disappointed this deteriorated so quickly. Can we set aside the gender identity issue for now?

New question: do you have children (assuming you do since you're on this site)? Have you discussed your bi identity with them? How "out" are you among friends?

Me: yes I have kids (young tweens) and no, I haven't talked with them about it yet. I do plan to, though I wonder how DH will feel about it. He's generally very open, but I know it will make him feel weird. Deep down (or not so much), I think he likes to pretend my previous life as a lesbian is a thing of the distant past). Yes, I am out to friends, but I literally know NO ONE else who is out and bi. Our community (NW DC) is very very cis and hetero, with a handful of queer families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I'm disappointed this deteriorated so quickly. Can we set aside the gender identity issue for now?

New question: do you have children (assuming you do since you're on this site)? Have you discussed your bi identity with them? How "out" are you among friends?

Me: yes I have kids (young tweens) and no, I haven't talked with them about it yet. I do plan to, though I wonder how DH will feel about it. He's generally very open, but I know it will make him feel weird. Deep down (or not so much), I think he likes to pretend my previous life as a lesbian is a thing of the distant past). Yes, I am out to friends, but I literally know NO ONE else who is out and bi. Our community (NW DC) is very very cis and hetero, with a handful of queer families.

Bi woman married to a man here. I haven’t discussed my sexuality with my kids nor do I plan to unless one is LGB. My DH, too, isn’t quite comfortable with my sexuality. I’m out to old friends, but not to anyone I’ve met since marriage.

[Anonymous]

I am a bisexual woman happily married to a man who accepts my bisexuality. I am also polyamorous and have a lovely girlfriend.

Sure, I am open to my friends. It's not the business of my work. Eventually I will introduce my girlfriend to my extended family if the relationship progresses.

My child is young. Right now we are reading "Its not the stork" and "All Families are Different". He knows that some families have two dads or two moms. Obviously at some point it will become obvious that some people structure their domestic lives non-monogamously.

My message as he reaches adulthood is that I want him to be happy in his personal/domestic life, with a man or a woman, with one partner or more. Whatever he decides is right for him. Love is respect.

[Anonymous]

I’m married to a man and we have two kids. I knew I was bi before I got married and told him while we were dating that I found women attractive. Now that I’m in my late 40s I am almost exclusively attracted to women. I really wish I would have fully come out as bi to him so I could share with him what I’m going through. I love my family, so the thought of leaving destroys me, but sometimes I think I can’t fake this anymore. Knowing how hard the lesbian community is on bi women I helps me stay. I wouldn’t want to leave my marriage and family to be alone the rest of my life.

[Anonymous]

10:29--LOTS of bi women end up with women later in life after being married to a man. I almost exclusively dated women before I met DH, and I never experienced the lesbian community being hard on bi women. Honestly, I think that is overhyped as a thing.

[Anonymous]

I thought I was bi and married a man. About 10 years in, started realizing I’d made a mistake. It took a while but I got out and identify as lesbian now. Dating women has had its highs and lows but I have not experienced the problems with transwomen the way PP claims. I usually just ignore them on dating sites. If I chat with one, they might say something like it’s hard getting dates even after bottom surgery and I’ll be like “yeah, that must be hard” but there’s no way I’m going to be manipulated into dating one.
My last partner (we’re friends now) revealed that soon after breaking up with me, she received very unwelcome advances from a close friend who is a trans woman. Made me wonder how long she’d (the friend) harbored those feelings and was waiting for the moment to pounce. Creeped her out, me too. I never saw it coming but I almost wonder if the friend was just there hoping my partner would break things off with me. So it happens. But I don’t think it’s all over the place. I’m pretty sure that if and when I’m ready to date again, that transwomen will not be my biggest problem. Not even close. More like allowing myself to be vulnerable and love again - and win in the numbers game that is stacked against 40 something suburban lesbian single moms.
Posters who won’t play the game because they are scared of transwomen must not really want to be with a woman. If they did, they’d be willing to deal with an awkward situation here and there. Everything worth having is worth the work it takes to get there.

[Anonymous]

Is there some kind of meetup or group for bi women married to men? I've googled a bit but haven't seen one. I think there are a lot of us out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a bisexual woman happily married to a man who accepts my bisexuality. I am also polyamorous and have a lovely girlfriend.

Sure, I am open to my friends. It's not the business of my work. Eventually I will introduce my girlfriend to my extended family if the relationship progresses.

My child is young. Right now we are reading "Its not the stork" and "All Families are Different". He knows that some families have two dads or two moms. Obviously at some point it will become obvious that some people structure their domestic lives non-monogamously.

My message as he reaches adulthood is that I want him to be happy in his personal/domestic life, with a man or a woman, with one partner or more. Whatever he decides is right for him. Love is respect.

Would you have been ok marrying a bisexual man and him having a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:29--LOTS of bi women end up with women later in life after being married to a man. I almost exclusively dated women before I met DH, and I never experienced the lesbian community being hard on bi women. Honestly, I think that is overhyped as a thing.

+1 most of us have no problems dating bi women who want to date women. We aren’t interested in women who are married to men dating us on the side, though. No judgement on them, I just don’t consider them part of the lesbian community — we’re basically two completely separate groups.