Bi women married to men

[Anonymous]

Married to a man, have young kids. We’ve been together since college, now in late 30s. I’ve never done anything with a woman and really regret it now. I was massively attracted to another woman a few years ago- butterflies when I saw her, thought about what it would be like to kiss her. Completely threw me for a loop. I haven’t seen her for a few years but I still think about her a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I'm disappointed this deteriorated so quickly. Can we set aside the gender identity issue for now?

New question: do you have children (assuming you do since you're on this site)? Have you discussed your bi identity with them? How "out" are you among friends?

Me: yes I have kids (young tweens) and no, I haven't talked with them about it yet. I do plan to, though I wonder how DH will feel about it. He's generally very open, but I know it will make him feel weird. Deep down (or not so much), I think he likes to pretend my previous life as a lesbian is a thing of the distant past). Yes, I am out to friends, but I literally know NO ONE else who is out and bi. Our community (NW DC) is very very cis and hetero, with a handful of queer families.

May I ask something? I hope it doesn’t come out wrong. Assuming you’re in a monogamous relationship, why would you come out as bi to family and couple friends? Unless you were speaking of a specific prior relationship, which would be different. I totally understand wanting to be seen and known for your whole self, but couldn’t you keep that between yourself and your women friends?

I’m not the person you quoted, but I’m another pp who spoke about wanting to be out more in my daily life. For me, it’s just about being more authentically who I am - people assume I am straight, I am not, so it would be nice to find opportunities to make that clearer to those in my life (and also set an example for my children that this is nothing to hide.

Are you in an open relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I'm disappointed this deteriorated so quickly. Can we set aside the gender identity issue for now?

New question: do you have children (assuming you do since you're on this site)? Have you discussed your bi identity with them? How "out" are you among friends?

Me: yes I have kids (young tweens) and no, I haven't talked with them about it yet. I do plan to, though I wonder how DH will feel about it. He's generally very open, but I know it will make him feel weird. Deep down (or not so much), I think he likes to pretend my previous life as a lesbian is a thing of the distant past). Yes, I am out to friends, but I literally know NO ONE else who is out and bi. Our community (NW DC) is very very cis and hetero, with a handful of queer families.

May I ask something? I hope it doesn’t come out wrong. Assuming you’re in a monogamous relationship, why would you come out as bi to family and couple friends? Unless you were speaking of a specific prior relationship, which would be different. I totally understand wanting to be seen and known for your whole self, but couldn’t you keep that between yourself and your women friends?

I’m not the person you quoted, but I’m another pp who spoke about wanting to be out more in my daily life. For me, it’s just about being more authentically who I am - people assume I am straight, I am not, so it would be nice to find opportunities to make that clearer to those in my life (and also set an example for my children that this is nothing to hide.

Are you in an open relationship?

No.

[Anonymous]

I slept with enough women in college to realize I wasn't as bisexual as I thought I was, as I preferred the d, so to speak, by a large margin.

That being said, women's bodies are something I do find attractive. So does my husband. We read each other's porn.

But here is the thing: I am a child of hippies who had open relationships. At least, according to my father they were open relationships. Things are never equal. Things are complicated. From my own observations (and college experiences, which were pretty extensive), people always get left out. It's sort of like junior high school with nipple clamps and anal play. Someone's always popular and someone's always lying. Someone's always insecure and someone's always mean. Some things are better left imagined than acted upon.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is there some kind of meetup or group for bi women married to men? I've googled a bit but haven't seen one. I think there are a lot of us out there. [/quote]

I would be interested in this as well. Like a Reddit sub or Discord group even. It gets hard being the lonely only in your social group.[/quote]

+2. Would be cool to have a community like this. [/quote]

+3 Happily married to a man, but I enjoy occasional physical connections with women. Like most on this site, my days are filled with kids and my job, so investing in long term relationships and dating is a time consuming luxury I don't have. Dating apps are also not a great option because a lot of us prefer to keep our bi-sexuality private and the facade of straightness intact. A meet-up group for like-minded professional working moms is long overdue. [/quote]

Send us the info!

[Anonymous]

This page is talking about cheating on your spouse? And a group to help you do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This page is talking about cheating on your spouse? And a group to help you do that?

Where does it say that? It sure sounds like they’re saying they want a community. Why does everyone always assume bisexual people are cheaters?

[Anonymous]

Does anyone know of a good platform for a meet up group? Discord maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I'm disappointed this deteriorated so quickly. Can we set aside the gender identity issue for now?

New question: do you have children (assuming you do since you're on this site)? Have you discussed your bi identity with them? How "out" are you among friends?

Me: yes I have kids (young tweens) and no, I haven't talked with them about it yet. I do plan to, though I wonder how DH will feel about it. He's generally very open, but I know it will make him feel weird. Deep down (or not so much), I think he likes to pretend my previous life as a lesbian is a thing of the distant past). Yes, I am out to friends, but I literally know NO ONE else who is out and bi. Our community (NW DC) is very very cis and hetero, with a handful of queer families.

May I ask something? I hope it doesn’t come out wrong. Assuming you’re in a monogamous relationship, why would you come out as bi to family and couple friends? Unless you were speaking of a specific prior relationship, which would be different. I totally understand wanting to be seen and known for your whole self, but couldn’t you keep that between yourself and your women friends?

I’m not the person you quoted, but I’m another pp who spoke about wanting to be out more in my daily life. For me, it’s just about being more authentically who I am - people assume I am straight, I am not, so it would be nice to find opportunities to make that clearer to those in my life (and also set an example for my children that this is nothing to hide.

Are you in an open relationship?

I’m the same as PP and am not in an open relationship. Stop assuming all bi people want an open relationship. It’s biphobic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I slept with enough women in college to realize I wasn't as bisexual as I thought I was, as I preferred the d, so to speak, by a large margin.

That being said, women's bodies are something I do find attractive. So does my husband. We read each other's porn.

But here is the thing: I am a child of hippies who had open relationships. At least, according to my father they were open relationships. Things are never equal. Things are complicated. From my own observations (and college experiences, which were pretty extensive), people always get left out. It's sort of like junior high school with nipple clamps and anal play. Someone's always popular and someone's always lying. Someone's always insecure and someone's always mean. Some things are better left imagined than acted upon.

This is the best description of open relationships I've read in a while. It's the part people who advocate for open relationships never really want to talk about. Human beings are not actually capable of being truly ego-less and free in relationships. In many ways, a respectful and mutually loving monogamous relationship is more liberating for many of us than an open marriage, even if the open marriage would allow you to more fully explore your sexuality. There are always politics and there is always fallout.

Which I think is why a lot of bi women wind up in monogamous marriages. If you find a partner you love, and you want kids, monogamy makes that family stable and workable. Open marriage makes it hard and complicated.

Straight people give up sexual exploration too, btw. And for the same reasons -- monogamy is more stable and reliable, and generally an easier environment in which to raise kids. It may sound boring, but sometimes boring is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I'm disappointed this deteriorated so quickly. Can we set aside the gender identity issue for now?

New question: do you have children (assuming you do since you're on this site)? Have you discussed your bi identity with them? How "out" are you among friends?

Me: yes I have kids (young tweens) and no, I haven't talked with them about it yet. I do plan to, though I wonder how DH will feel about it. He's generally very open, but I know it will make him feel weird. Deep down (or not so much), I think he likes to pretend my previous life as a lesbian is a thing of the distant past). Yes, I am out to friends, but I literally know NO ONE else who is out and bi. Our community (NW DC) is very very cis and hetero, with a handful of queer families.

May I ask something? I hope it doesn’t come out wrong. Assuming you’re in a monogamous relationship, why would you come out as bi to family and couple friends? Unless you were speaking of a specific prior relationship, which would be different. I totally understand wanting to be seen and known for your whole self, but couldn’t you keep that between yourself and your women friends?

NP. Why wouldn’t you? I’ve always been attracted to women but didn’t identify as bi until after I was already married to a man. I don’t go around introducing myself as “Hi I’m Jane and I’m bi!” but it’s also not something that I think I should hide or avoid talking about? And it’s not like it’s a topic that never comes up in conversation… usually it’s more in a context of “did you like zendaya’s met gala outfit?” “yes she looked great i have such a crush on her!” type talk rather than some weird “do you only like sex with men?” “actually i think sex with women sounds really exciting!” type thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I'm disappointed this deteriorated so quickly. Can we set aside the gender identity issue for now?

New question: do you have children (assuming you do since you're on this site)? Have you discussed your bi identity with them? How "out" are you among friends?

Me: yes I have kids (young tweens) and no, I haven't talked with them about it yet. I do plan to, though I wonder how DH will feel about it. He's generally very open, but I know it will make him feel weird. Deep down (or not so much), I think he likes to pretend my previous life as a lesbian is a thing of the distant past). Yes, I am out to friends, but I literally know NO ONE else who is out and bi. Our community (NW DC) is very very cis and hetero, with a handful of queer families.

May I ask something? I hope it doesn’t come out wrong. Assuming you’re in a monogamous relationship, why would you come out as bi to family and couple friends? Unless you were speaking of a specific prior relationship, which would be different. I totally understand wanting to be seen and known for your whole self, but couldn’t you keep that between yourself and your women friends?

NP. Why wouldn’t you? I’ve always been attracted to women but didn’t identify as bi until after I was already married to a man. I don’t go around introducing myself as “Hi I’m Jane and I’m bi!” but it’s also not something that I think I should hide or avoid talking about? And it’s not like it’s a topic that never comes up in conversation… usually it’s more in a context of “did you like zendaya’s met gala outfit?” “yes she looked great i have such a crush on her!” type talk rather than some weird “do you only like sex with men?” “actually i think sex with women sounds really exciting!” type thing.

Different pp here. You definitely shouldn't have to hide who you are or how you feel. There's no reason to repress yourself and be closeted.

I'm so tired of the biphobia. If you think bi women are just going through a phase or doing it for attention then you're biphobic. If you think that bi men don't exist and are all just gay then you're biphobic. If you think all bi people are in open/poly relationships then you're biphobic. If you think all bi people are cheaters then you're biphobic.

The vast majority of bisexual people are in committed relationships and do not cheat. Many are in heterosexual relationships because they wanted kids and because society makes it easier to have that sort of marriage. It's also a spectrum, it's not like all bi people are attracted 50/50 to both men and women. It could be 70/30 or 30/70 the other way which makes it much more likely to be in a relationship with one or the other gender. Some are pansexual and are attracted to people of any gender, including nonbinary people.

I think finding a friend group would be lovely but it's not especially common in bisexual women because it's not a group that necessarily needs a lot of support, especially if in a straight relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I'm disappointed this deteriorated so quickly. Can we set aside the gender identity issue for now?

New question: do you have children (assuming you do since you're on this site)? Have you discussed your bi identity with them? How "out" are you among friends?

Me: yes I have kids (young tweens) and no, I haven't talked with them about it yet. I do plan to, though I wonder how DH will feel about it. He's generally very open, but I know it will make him feel weird. Deep down (or not so much), I think he likes to pretend my previous life as a lesbian is a thing of the distant past). Yes, I am out to friends, but I literally know NO ONE else who is out and bi. Our community (NW DC) is very very cis and hetero, with a handful of queer families.

May I ask something? I hope it doesn’t come out wrong. Assuming you’re in a monogamous relationship, why would you come out as bi to family and couple friends? Unless you were speaking of a specific prior relationship, which would be different. I totally understand wanting to be seen and known for your whole self, but couldn’t you keep that between yourself and your women friends?

NP. Why wouldn’t you? I’ve always been attracted to women but didn’t identify as bi until after I was already married to a man. I don’t go around introducing myself as “Hi I’m Jane and I’m bi!” but it’s also not something that I think I should hide or avoid talking about? And it’s not like it’s a topic that never comes up in conversation… usually it’s more in a context of “did you like zendaya’s met gala outfit?” “yes she looked great i have such a crush on her!” type talk rather than some weird “do you only like sex with men?” “actually i think sex with women sounds really exciting!” type thing.

Different pp here. You definitely shouldn't have to hide who you are or how you feel. There's no reason to repress yourself and be closeted.

I'm so tired of the biphobia. If you think bi women are just going through a phase or doing it for attention then you're biphobic. If you think that bi men don't exist and are all just gay then you're biphobic. If you think all bi people are in open/poly relationships then you're biphobic. If you think all bi people are cheaters then you're biphobic.

The vast majority of bisexual people are in committed relationships and do not cheat. Many are in heterosexual relationships because they wanted kids and because society makes it easier to have that sort of marriage. It's also a spectrum, it's not like all bi people are attracted 50/50 to both men and women. It could be 70/30 or 30/70 the other way which makes it much more likely to be in a relationship with one or the other gender. Some are pansexual and are attracted to people of any gender, including nonbinary people.

I think finding a friend group would be lovely but it's not especially common in bisexual women because it's not a group that necessarily needs a lot of support, especially if in a straight relationship.

+1 to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone know of a good platform for a meet up group? Discord maybe?

Slack?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone know of a good platform for a meet up group? Discord maybe?

You could try the app Lex which is only for queer people. It's like an online personals page and is used for dating as well as for friends.
https://thisislex.app/
https://www.insider.com/lex-queer-dating-app-no-cis-men-or-profile-pictures-2019-11
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2019/nov/08/lex-dating-app-instagram-personals-queer