Wife And I Disagree - Baby Registry

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are expecting our first baby and do not plan to have a baby shower because of the pandemic and the fact that we moved and are not close to family/friends. She wants to do a baby registry ( for the discount) but buy everything out of pocket. I think we should let our family/friends know we made one and they can decide if they want to buy anything. My wife thinks it’s rude. We can afford to buy everything ourselves but I feel like many people would like to buy things for the baby. Who is right?

[Anonymous]

You both are right. But she is more right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are expecting our first baby and do not plan to have a baby shower because of the pandemic and the fact that we moved and are not close to family/friends. She wants to do a baby registry ( for the discount) but buy everything out of pocket. I think we should let our family/friends know we made one and they can decide if they want to buy anything. My wife thinks it’s rude. We can afford to buy everything ourselves but I feel like many people would like to buy things for the baby. Who is right?

If they want to, they will ask. Then you can mention the registry. Your wife is right.

[Anonymous]

I agree it can be rude to provide registry info when you’re not having a shower, but honestly, it’s a pita when someone doesn’t have a registry and people have to guess what to get, and then you get a bunch of things you don’t want. I would tell you parents, and then if anyone wants to get you something they want, and they ask your parents for ideas, your parents can point them to the registry. That way, only people who seek it out get it and it doesn’t seem like a gift grab. Then whatever is left you can buy yourself.

[Anonymous]

She’s mostly right, but if people ask you if you have a registry, of course you can tell them that you do. I don’t think you should let people know before they ask because “letting them know” can easily be perceived as a gift grab.

Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Just to elaborate on my response, wife is right in that she can afford to buy what she wants and is not looking for gifts, so it is rude. You are right that family and friends may want to send gifts. So they can send whatever they want to send without you asking for gifts. A registry is asking for gifts. If the people ask you what they can send, tell them then, or they can send what they would like to give.

-signed a mom who has never had a registry and graciously accepted presents that people wanted to give.

[Anonymous]

19:56 elaborating on my 19:52 response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to elaborate on my response, wife is right in that she can afford to buy what she wants and is not looking for gifts, so it is rude. You are right that family and friends may want to send gifts. So they can send whatever they want to send without you asking for gifts. A registry is asking for gifts. If the people ask you what they can send, tell them then, or they can send what they would like to give.

-signed a mom who has never had a registry and graciously accepted presents that people wanted to give.

I like it when people have a registry. I want to know that I'm Getting them something they want or need

[Anonymous]

You’re both right but with a caveat, you must only offer the registry when asked.

I did an Amazon registry for the completion discount, and we could afford it. My mom and a friend and a coworker asked if we have a registry, I send them the link. By the way, the registry was private.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is going to ask you if you have a registry. Just make one, share it with those who ask, and make sure you put some inexpensive stuff on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s mostly right, but if people ask you if you have a registry, of course you can tell them that you do. I don’t think you should let people know before they ask because “letting them know” can easily be perceived as a gift grab.

Congratulations!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re both right but with a caveat, you must only offer the registry when asked.

I did an Amazon registry for the completion discount, and we could afford it. My mom and a friend and a coworker asked if we have a registry, I send them the link. By the way, the registry was private.

This is correct. We shared the link only with people who absolutely insisted, mostly my relatives who couldn’t visit due to pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both right but with a caveat, you must only offer the registry when asked.

I did an Amazon registry for the completion discount, and we could afford it. My mom and a friend and a coworker asked if we have a registry, I send them the link. By the way, the registry was private.

This is correct. We shared the link only with people who absolutely insisted, mostly my relatives who couldn’t visit due to pandemic.

Yes, only when asked but please make sure to have reasonably priced items on the registry. Most people will give you an outfit. Books are a great item to include.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Many of our friends and family have asked but my wife has been telling them we have everything we need. I feel like maybe we should just send it to those who ask.

[Anonymous]

Yes, definitely make one up and only give it to those that ask. People are persistent and will pester you about it. They don't like hearing that you have everything you need. They want to spoil you and this is your time to be spoiled. If you don't make a registry they will send you crap you don't want.