Son rude to my parents - but only in one context

[Anonymous]

My parents pick my 12 year old up from school and drive him to tutoring one day a week. I can't leave work, so I need them to do this. He doesn't like tutoring, but needs to go (he struggles with language arts). He is normally a nice respectful kid, but he is horrible to my parents on tutoring day. He argues, he is rude. I have punished him by taking away electronics, but it doesn't change anything. Any thoughts on how to correct this? FWIW, he also sees my parents every weekend and is polite and friendly then; the issue is that he is in a horrible snit because he is tired from school and does not want to go to tutoring.

[Anonymous]

That’s tough. Can he just sit quietly in the car and have your parents try not to engage?

[Anonymous]

Your parents were parenting you at one point, right? They should know that this behavior is caused by being tired, not wanting to go to tutoring, etc. They should ignore and parent him the way they would have parented you. It's not a big deal in my book.

[Anonymous]

hat’s tough. Can he just sit quietly in the car and have your parents try not to engage?

Yes, I have suggested this, but it is very hard for my mom. My dad doesn't really engage him.

[Anonymous]

How much do you really think he is getting out of the tutoring if he hated it this much? Poor kid has been in school all day long. He just wants some down time. I would drop the tutoring. See if you can find someone to tutor on Sunday afternoons.

Also, there is no excuse for his behavior towards your parents. You need stronger consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents were parenting you at one point, right? They should know that this behavior is caused by being tired, not wanting to go to tutoring, etc. They should ignore and parent him the way they would have parented you. It's not a big deal in my book.

But her parents' parental duty is over with OP. Why should they parent another generation of brats?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents pick my 12 year old up from school and drive him to tutoring one day a week. I can't leave work, so I need them to do this. He doesn't like tutoring, but needs to go (he struggles with language arts). He is normally a nice respectful kid, but he is horrible to my parents on tutoring day. He argues, he is rude. I have punished him by taking away electronics, but it doesn't change anything. Any thoughts on how to correct this? FWIW, he also sees my parents every weekend and is polite and friendly then; the issue is that he is in a horrible snit because he is tired from school and does not want to go to tutoring.

But they don't have to. Where is your DH?

[Anonymous]

He’s going straight from school to tutoring? His brain is likely fried. If you have a way to change the time to maybe even half hour later so he has a brain break, it will probably help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

hat’s tough. Can he just sit quietly in the car and have your parents try not to engage?

Yes, I have suggested this, but it is very hard for my mom. My dad doesn't really engage him.

That’s not really fair to your son. He hates tutoring. He’s normally a great kid. He’s tired from school. He’s a hormonal teen. Your mom needs to get a grip. Punishment is so off base when your mom is setting him up

[Anonymous]

How long is the ride? Can you bribe (i mean incentivize) him with an iPad or ice cream cone or something on the way to or from tutoring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

hat’s tough. Can he just sit quietly in the car and have your parents try not to engage?

Yes, I have suggested this, but it is very hard for my mom. My dad doesn't really engage him.

That’s not really fair to your son. He hates tutoring. He’s normally a great kid. He’s tired from school. He’s a hormonal teen. Your mom needs to get a grip. Punishment is so off base when your mom is setting him up

+1. It doesn’t sound like your son is going out of his way to be rude, it sounds like he’s losing his patience when someone doesn’t respect his need for a little downtime between school and tutoring. He’s a human being with his own emotional needs, not a robot you can program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents were parenting you at one point, right? They should know that this behavior is caused by being tired, not wanting to go to tutoring, etc. They should ignore and parent him the way they would have parented you. It's not a big deal in my book.

I agree with this. OP, your parents see your son regularly in other situations and must know this is the only time he's acting like this. Are your parents upset by this? How long are they even together in the car between school and tutoring? Or maybe just Grandpa picks them up if it's too upsetting for Grandma?

[Anonymous]

Punish him more. Keep it up until he changes. 12 is old enough to know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

hat’s tough. Can he just sit quietly in the car and have your parents try not to engage?

Yes, I have suggested this, but it is very hard for my mom. My dad doesn't really engage him.

That’s not really fair to your son. He hates tutoring. He’s normally a great kid. He’s tired from school. He’s a hormonal teen. Your mom needs to get a grip. Punishment is so off base when your mom is setting him up

I agree. This whole thing sounds stupid honestly.

You’re already making your son do the tutoring that he hates and he’s tired and your mom wants to chat??? Come on you’re setting him up to fail.

And honestly you’re kind of being a jerk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Punish him more. Keep it up until he changes. 12 is old enough to know better.

Absolutely terrible advice.