Teacher called...for a third time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The calls we received were from 3 separate teachers over 1.5 years. They all had the same theme- messing around, not paying attention, ignoring directions, talking, distracted. He is also not failing, he is a B/C student and got a D in chemistry. I don't think the situation is as dire as some PP's interpreted it to be.

We have since installed an app that allows us to lock down his phone and monitor everything.

I agree with everyone about possible ADHD or depression.

If he has a VPN installed already, that means he know how to work any apps that allows you to "locK and monitor everything" on the phone. VPNs pretty much bypass that. Believe me I learned that while trying to "supervise" our teens activity online.

Also, if I had 3 calls from 3 different teachers I would not only take away the phone completely but I would be calling the school and requesting a meeting with the counselor and my kid.

Unless your kid has had a history of not following directions and being disruptive, do not confuse plain bad behavior with ADHD or depression.

We called a meeting back in Dec and the school was dismissive and wouldn't consent to testing. We get zero emails/communication from the school in general. We don't get emails that preempt the calls, the calls have been isolated. We spoke to the counselor and they were not concerned, but my guess is that they just have bigger fish to fry.

It's been difficult to assess because DS's school is downplaying everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am baffled by the parents who think the teacher should come up with an idea to redirect their child. This is lazy-a$$ parenting. In an earlier post, I recommended you spend a few days in school with your child. If they act like a 3 year old, treat them that way.

Pp here asking for solutions. Are you an educator who has honestly seen this work?
It’s been my experience that the school will not allow me to do this.
.

Pretty sure the teacher would look the other way in this case and support OP if OP actually wanted to be a parent and spend some time observing her kid’s behavior. I’m sure the teacher has a hundred other things she’d rather do than call OP about her obnoxious kid 3 times.

[Anonymous]

This kid should not have a smartphone or any other electronics. No need for headphones if he has nothing to listen to. He can have the most basic dumb phone only for emergencies. That’s it.

Can you explain what is hard about that decision? It honestly seems so obvious to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kid should not have a smartphone or any other electronics. No need for headphones if he has nothing to listen to. He can have the most basic dumb phone only for emergencies. That’s it.

Can you explain what is hard about that decision? It honestly seems so obvious to me.

What's hard is that parents who take the phone and give it back and take it again, don't realize that it's not actually effective in changing the unwanted behavior. It puts a temporary end to it, sure, but if it was effective, why do you have to keep doing it over and over again? Please name a parent who has used this strategy and it's been one and done.

Going around the phone merry-go-round is not a long-term solution to disrespectful behavior- it will just shift and show up in other ways.

[Anonymous]

I understand wanting him to have a phone for scheduling changes or emergencies- I prefer my young teens carry one for this reason (after school changes, sports practices or game changes etc). BUT in this case I would totally take away his phone altogether for a set period. This is pretty serious-given it has happened multiple times- and I would be furious at my DC. A high schooler should know better- no excuses.

When my kids lose phone privileges or forget their phones they just text me from a friend’s phone if truly needed (very rare). They know my number.

A phone is not going to be helpful in some type of shooting situation anyway FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

This has been covered on the thread already. At many schools:

We can’t confiscate phones. If they get lost or stolen, we are held accountable. Therefore, the administration doesn’t want that liability for us or for them.

We can’t regulate usage. The most I can do is continuously say, “put it away.” If the student doesn’t put it away, all I can do is ask again. So I’m going to stop asking because I have other students in the room who deserve my time and attention.

It’s time for students and parents to be held responsible. My own children know they face major consequences if I find out they are using their phones in school. I check. I found out my high schooler was, so I took it. Hasn’t happened twice. I don’t expect my kids’ teachers to babysit their phones. That’s not their job, and frankly, they are too busy doing ten thousand other things so they shouldn’t have to worry about my kid’s phone.

That wasn’t my question.

My question was: “Why can’t teachers tell parents that they suggest the kid doesn’t bring the phone (or whatever else they suggest)?”

I’m not the OP, and my kid doesn’t have a phone. I don’t let him bring anything, but they give him an iPad and let him check books out of the library at school. I’m wondering if there is some other obvious solution to this that they aren’t telling me. How do I get them to speak it out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

No. It’s parenting. I didn’t buy the phone for my students. I am not allowed to take their phone either. Who bought it and can take it? Their parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am baffled by the parents who think the teacher should come up with an idea to redirect their child. This is lazy-a$$ parenting. In an earlier post, I recommended you spend a few days in school with your child. If they act like a 3 year old, treat them that way.

Pp here asking for solutions. Are you an educator who has honestly seen this work?
It’s been my experience that the school will not allow me to do this.
.

Pretty sure the teacher would look the other way in this case and support OP if OP actually wanted to be a parent and spend some time observing her kid’s behavior. I’m sure the teacher has a hundred other things she’d rather do than call OP about her obnoxious kid 3 times.

Ok. So you don’t know and are just talking out your patootie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

If a parent can't figure this out on their own, that their child shouldn't bring a phone to school if they've been struggling with appropriate use if it, there is a serious problem. The fact that some parents rely on the school to parent the child is appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

No. It’s parenting. I didn’t buy the phone for my students. I am not allowed to take their phone either. Who bought it and can take it? Their parent.

But the teacher could suggest to the parent not to have the kid bring the phone to school anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

If a parent can't figure this out on their own, that their child shouldn't bring a phone to school if they've been struggling with appropriate use if it, there is a serious problem. The fact that some parents rely on the school to parent the child is appalling.

Sure. There is a problem. Why not solve the problem? What’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might not be his fault, School were closed for two years, and they want kids to act like nothing happened. It might have something to do with the school closer, and he might still think he is the same grade it was when they decided to closed down for two years. The kids are acting out because they don't know how to act or if they are going to be shut down again.

Schools were closed for one year, but you’re right that there could be something’s else going on such as ADHD.

two years, almost 3.

2019-2020 March 13th school closed
2020-2021 Online school 4 days a week
2021-2022 Kids are back in school, but have to wear masks.

Are you for real?

2019-2020-- they missed not quite three months

2020-2021-- virtual or hybrid school was school. It isn't the school's fault if you didn't require your child to engage.

2021-2022-- wearing masks has NOTHING to do with anything. They were in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

No. It’s parenting. I didn’t buy the phone for my students. I am not allowed to take their phone either. Who bought it and can take it? Their parent.

But the teacher could suggest to the parent not to have the kid bring the phone to school anymore.

Why do you need the teacher to do that? The teacher, depending on level, can have up to 150 students. Even if they have half that number, do you really expect them to parent 75 students? Plus, phones are just one of MANY things a teacher needs to manage during a class period.

The fact you need a teacher to take time out of their ridiculously busy day to tell you what you probably already know is, well, annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

No. It’s parenting. I didn’t buy the phone for my students. I am not allowed to take their phone either. Who bought it and can take it? Their parent.

But the teacher could suggest to the parent not to have the kid bring the phone to school anymore.

Why do you need the teacher to do that? The teacher, depending on level, can have up to 150 students. Even if they have half that number, do you really expect them to parent 75 students? Plus, phones are just one of MANY things a teacher needs to manage during a class period.

The fact you need a teacher to take time out of their ridiculously busy day to tell you what you probably already know is, well, annoying.

I mean, the teacher is ALREADY on the phone with OP. What else is she saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible your kid has ADHD that never got diagnosed?

This was my kid in 8th grade - was diagnosed with ADHD and that made a huge difference