Son feels bad about height

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get why there are people on here saying "teach them to be happy how they are!" However it is dismissing the fact that young boys really and truly care about this. While we adults have the perspective to understand there are more important things, we shouldn't invalidate their feelings or the bullying/teasing they're experiencing. I can totally understand how this would make you feel helpless as a parent and wish there was something I could offer to make them feel better

THANK YOU. I’m reading these responses and feel so bad for all these kids who have parents who totally invalidate them. Many of these people are expecting their teen boys to handle their insecurities like adults. And frankly even adults have silly insecurities.

Do you have a short boy? I posted earlier about my son who is a rising 9th grader and 4'11". He has seen pediatric specialists. Being so short is hard on him. But with rare exceptions--like a kid who is growth-hormone deficient--there is pretty much nothing anyone can do to influence height, or to accelerate growth, despite the various claims being made on this thread.

So--yeah. We do try to teach him to be happy, or at least accepting of his body, because he has the body he has right now and there is nothing he or anyone else can do about it. That doesn't mean we dismiss him or ridicule him for feeling badly. Of course we support him and empathize. But I am not sure what you expect parents in this situation to do, and letting kids wallow in this isn't healthy either. I'm proud of my son for how he holds his own with friends who are a foot taller than him, how he deflects the teasing and joking he experiences about being short, and how he does his best to accept himself for who he is even when that is not easy to do.

My rising 9th grader is 5'2" and doesn't care at all. He gets different kids grow at different rates and he's on the younger side.

[Anonymous]

Does he really not care at all or does he just not express that to you?

I thought my child wasn't bothered as he never said anything but earlier this year he told me not a day goes by when someone does not tease him about his height. This has been going on for three years, since most of his peers have been in puberty. He is not prone to exaggeration.

[Anonymous]

That's a fair point. I don't think friends are teasing him, exactly. He does not like that they sometimes do things like pick him up if a group photo is being taken (he is also skinny). I don't know that he has ever expressed that he dislikes this, but he really shouldn't have to say that - it's a weird thing to do.


If he doesn't like how his friends are treating him, that's the problem, not his height. He needs to learn how to speak up and/or find friends who treat him better.

I agree it is strange behavior by the friends, which I would find annoying. However, as a petite woman, I have experienced the same thing with people picking me up or patting me on the head. I would talk to them about it before finding new friends. I think people are just not considerate/aware, not that they intend to be jerks.

[Anonymous]

I am 6'3 right now.
I was 5'2 in 9th grade and I got bullied for being short but then once I hit my growth spurt I was the one laughing at them

[Anonymous]

By the way why don't yall just toughen up like man y'all really out here making whole ahh essays about some dang kid being short

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get why there are people on here saying "teach them to be happy how they are!" However it is dismissing the fact that young boys really and truly care about this. While we adults have the perspective to understand there are more important things, we shouldn't invalidate their feelings or the bullying/teasing they're experiencing. I can totally understand how this would make you feel helpless as a parent and wish there was something I could offer to make them feel better

THANK YOU. I’m reading these responses and feel so bad for all these kids who have parents who totally invalidate them. Many of these people are expecting their teen boys to handle their insecurities like adults. And frankly even adults have silly insecurities.

Do you have a short boy? I posted earlier about my son who is a rising 9th grader and 4'11". He has seen pediatric specialists. Being so short is hard on him. But with rare exceptions--like a kid who is growth-hormone deficient--there is pretty much nothing anyone can do to influence height, or to accelerate growth, despite the various claims being made on this thread.

So--yeah. We do try to teach him to be happy, or at least accepting of his body, because he has the body he has right now and there is nothing he or anyone else can do about it. That doesn't mean we dismiss him or ridicule him for feeling badly. Of course we support him and empathize. But I am not sure what you expect parents in this situation to do, and letting kids wallow in this isn't healthy either. I'm proud of my son for how he holds his own with friends who are a foot taller than him, how he deflects the teasing and joking he experiences about being short, and how he does his best to accept himself for who he is even when that is not easy to do.

Have you considered redshirting for kindergarten? If there’s no underlying medical issue some kids just grow later. It can be tough to be the end of the jokes all the time,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of these responses bother me. They all operate from the assumption that being a short male is a bad thing, that you should be reassuring your son that he will eventually be taller. I think it is better to help him learn how to laugh off teasing and find lots of things to feel confident about in himself.

For context: my husband never got his growth spurt. He is 5'4" (he claims), but I am 5'2" and it seems to me we see eye to eye. His height used to bother him, too, when he was that age, but he did learn just to go with it, and the teasing was always friendly teasing among friends, not taunting.

If one lives one's life as if height doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter.

Height is a genetic thing. We don't tell people to hang in there and hope that their genetic "shortcoming" might get better. So why do we do this with height?

It's sort of like society-sanctioned height "bigotry."

Body positivity, folks!!! Height, weight, build, complexion, nose size, hair, whatever.

Well it does matter to a lot of boys. Society prefers tall men just like they prefer slim women.

[Anonymous]

My rising 9th grader feels very self-conscious about his height. He is 5'4 1/2" inches, so definitely short, but not insanely so. He is also relatively young for his grade (his birthday is 9/1). He does take some teasing about it from friends, as many of his friends are close to six feet tall (there are of course other boys relatively closer to him in height at school, like 5'6" or 5'8", but his close friends happen to be very tall).

I'm not sure what else I can say to him to make him feel better about this.

My son is an 11th grader who is only 5'7". I empathize with him to the extent of "yeah, there is a weird prejudice against short men in our society, but I am confident you will meet a woman that is right for you." I don't overly engage on it, because there are boys his age out there with significant physical disabilities and so harping on a relatively minor thing like height doesn't seem healthy to me.

[Anonymous]

I feel you op! My son was 5’0 and 103 lbs entering HS.

He’s now 6’2 and 175 as a freshman in college. His dad and I both hit puppetry super late (I was 15 when I got my first period he was still growing in college) so my kids followed suit.

Honestly I love that he had to feel insecure at one point in his life. It helped him be more empathetic and kind. The first two years when he looked like a little kid he wasn’t dating girls- he was learning to be their friend.

Just focus on his heart,
Mom. Women might not like short insecure men too much- but a short king or a tall king who is kind, patient, respectful funny and loyal is a man who is in demand. Focus on other attributes than height. Character matters more.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think that is short either. My son is 5’3’’. All is well and I am pretty sure he had his growth spurt already.

[Anonymous]

Be honest with him.
There’s nothing you or anyone can do about his height.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My rising 9th grader feels very self-conscious about his height. He is 5'4 1/2" inches, so definitely short, but not insanely so. He is also relatively young for his grade (his birthday is 9/1). He does take some teasing about it from friends, as many of his friends are close to six feet tall (there are of course other boys relatively closer to him in height at school, like 5'6" or 5'8", but his close friends happen to be very tall).

I'm not sure what else I can say to him to make him feel better about this.

My son is an 11th grader who is only 5'7". I empathize with him to the extent of "yeah, there is a weird prejudice against short men in our society, but I am confident you will meet a woman that is right for you." I don't overly engage on it, because there are boys his age out there with significant physical disabilities and so harping on a relatively minor thing like height doesn't seem healthy to me.

You’re right. Plus half the boys go into high school shorter than the girls and graduate four years later taller than the girls. There’s a lot of growing for boys in high school.

[Anonymous]

My son wasn't taller than 5'4 when 9th grade started. He looked like a normal almost 14 year old (9/21 birthday). Sure the kids who were already over 15 were taller, but considering he spent almost all of middle school under 5 feet, hitting 5'4 was a relief.

He ended up being about 5'10 at 16 when he stopped growing.

[Anonymous]

My son was 5.1 and 12-15 percentile as a freshmen. We saw an endocrinologist who measured bone age, which was delayed, and place in puberty, mid area, and predicted 5'11 plus adult height. As a sophomore he is 5'5, which is 27% and on a followup visit with another bonescan, less delayed and puberty measure, late stages, he is predicted 5'10 or below.

So these predictions are questionable. The endocrinologist will be able to rule out hormore deficiency or thyroid issues.

My son doesn't mind- happy to be taller than me. But it does mean he works hard to be mediocre at best in sports and that kids tend to think he's worse at sports then he is. But he's not friends with jocks so doesnt face size teasing outside his rec sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My rising 9th grader feels very self-conscious about his height. He is 5'4 1/2" inches, so definitely short, but not insanely so. He is also relatively young for his grade (his birthday is 9/1). He does take some teasing about it from friends, as many of his friends are close to six feet tall (there are of course other boys relatively closer to him in height at school, like 5'6" or 5'8", but his close friends happen to be very tall).

I'm not sure what else I can say to him to make him feel better about this.

My son is an 11th grader who is only 5'7". I empathize with him to the extent of "yeah, there is a weird prejudice against short men in our society, but I am confident you will meet a woman that is right for you." I don't overly engage on it, because there are boys his age out there with significant physical disabilities and so harping on a relatively minor thing like height doesn't seem healthy to me.

Yes everyone has a cross to carry is what I tell my kids. Some of my kids' friends have much "heavier" ones and carry them with grace (not perfect grace, of course, but they carry them as well as mine do with thier lighter burdens).