Toddlers and preschoolers using bottles and pacifiers?

[Anonymous]

GREAT post pp!!! Thanks...I needed that!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did too. Couldn't have said it better. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

So OP, let me see if I got this right. You posted a topic regarding toddlers/preschoolers using bottles and pacifiers. Now, based on your last post, you are just focued on pacifier use? I'm infering that you deem some of the reasons for the continuation of the bottle to be worthy by your standards, but nothing on the pacifiers? Interesting that someone with such strong convictions would need to poll an anonymous group of strangers to make yourself feel ok about your opinions.

As to the other PP's that are in agreement, I say good luck to you with the rest of parenting. Obviously, it has come easy for you at first and you haven't had the struggles that many of us face. But, you will at sometime. It's just a shame that the rest of us won't see it, because heaven forbid you let someone know that you are human.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't going to post but just wanted to add another "you never know what is going on" comment. I sucked my thumb until I was 10 years old. I probably sucked my thumb so long because my step-father was beating the crap out of my mother and me. Yes, it was a soothing tactic. Should my mother have focused on getting me to stop so that others would not be disgusted (though I am certain I stopped doing it in public after the age of 5 or so when I became aware of my habit) or should she have focused her energies on saving herself and me from this awful man? You be the judge. But don't judge what you see on the surface as you really, really never know what is going on.

Then again, I know someone with a one year little boy and this mom (who I know for a fact has a happy home and marriage) lets her son suck on a paci all the time. In public, wheverer. And it *does* strike me as strange and makes me feel a little self-righteous, like "I would *never* do that" and I honestly don't know where those feelings come from. Some kind of social programming, as others have implied? But she is no dummy and I can only imagine she has her reasons. I just don't have the balls to ask her what they are because I don't think it is any of my business. Which is why I get to be the mommy of my kid and she gets to be the mommy of her kid and until her choices start to negatively affect my kid - who cares.

[Anonymous]

I just do not understand why people get so obsessed by other people's babies. None of mine have used pacis but you know what? - if they needed them then I would have given them. Meanwhile, my three and a bit year old adores her night bottle. I have three babies three and under and they all curl up under a blanket with their special snugly toys and have milk ( or formula). They have a big cuddle and adore hanging out together. I have tried to get my three year old to transition to a cup but she hates milk from it. Do I care ? Not really. OP why does this worry you? My kids are excellent at cleaning their teeth, going to bed on time (6.30) and respecting various facist edicts that run our household. Get a life and stop worrying about other people's lives. You'll be much happier.

[Anonymous]

I was going to be a bystander in this post until I read the 19:16 response. Wow - you said it perfectly. I could have written your post, with regard to the first child doing everything right and being smug about it and all. AND - what you said is exactly the reason we are scared to death to have a second child!! I just know the second one will be the complete opposite and likely a complete terror. I just don't know that we are up to that challenge. Anyway, thank you for your perspective.

[Anonymous]

in my opinion, the only reason a child shouldnt never take a bottle is b/c they should be exclusively breastfed until they self wean (cross culturally that's around age 3 or 4)....are you less offended when you see me nursing my toddler than when a toddler is holding a bottle...honestly, your commentary is ridiculous and although i did nurse my toddler, my point is in jest=children have "sucking needs" that are in fact self soothing, whether it's a bottle, thumb, blankie, binkie, breast, whatever-you "forcing" them to get rid of that need so they dont look "ridiculous" is not going to work...most of us dont think seeing a young child who needs some oral soothing as a digressive sight...ask any pediatric mental health professional and they'll tell you that parents cant force their kids to become independent on the parents time table, it doesnt work like that...and although you can strong arm your babies and children to comply with your sense of where they should be developmentally in terms of sleeping, toilet training, oral soothing...the more you force your agenda, the more likely their dependency needs will in fact surface in their adolescent and young adult years...those perfect independent toddlers will be the ones begging to move back home when they are 25 b/c their primary dependency needs were never met...just let your kid suck away=we're talking about toddlers here, right?

[Anonymous]

I am one of the PPs who agree that toddlers (not babies anymore) should be expected, when physically capable, to progress from baby items (paci/bottle) to toddlers items (sippy cups!). To the pp who sucked her thumb due to abuse - I am truly sorry for what you had to endure, but that is not the case for everyone. I agree that there may be extenuating circumstances for some, but not all. Especially, when you know the parents and see their interactions with their children. The older the DC gets, the harder it is to transition from baby items. To pp, who wishes ill-will on parents with my opinion, nice, very nice. I feel that you created your own struggles by letting your DC use a paci/bottle for so long (again barring extenuating circumstances).

I'm sorry, but you can't tell me that if you either slowly take away a paci or just take them all away at once that your DC won't survive. There are ways of teaching your DC other, more age appropriate, soothing techniques. If you take a paci away between 6-9m, the DC can't really argue with as would a 3-4 yo! So gimme a break!!

As far as a bottle goes, again there may some certain circumstances (severe allergies, etc), but the majority of toddlers can physically use a sippy, so just take the bottles away and don't give in (unless it creates a medical issue of course - but again I have to imagine that's rare).

I cuddle my DD, but won't coddle. Even though it wasn't mentioned in the OP, others have thrown in potty training. To me, it is a little different b/c that depends on the physical ability for a DC to recognize/control bodily functions. (MOST toddlers can physically drink from a sippy cup by 1). But, I do think PT can be done sooner than most think. We've been sitting DD on the big potty since about 11 months (in random spurts) when we thought we might catch her "going". We were NOT intending to PT that early, but just thought this might avoid the "DC is scared of the potty" syndrome. Our DD has no issues with going on the potty, so all we are working on now is recognizing when she has to go and telling us. We are going #1, but workign on telling us about #2 before she goes.

I do not think I know everything about parenting (far from it), but even my DD (at 24 months) looks at her cousin funny when he has a paci and is 9m older than her. He tries to talk to her and she tries to pull the paci out of his mouth.

And, I know I will get totally flamed for this, but for the pp who mentioned nursing a toddler, I do feel a little uncomfortable seeing you nurse in public (and I nursed/pumped until DD was 1yr anywhere I went and never hid- very pro-BFing). But in this country when a child (not baby) can walk up to the mom and ask for it (and use a sippy cup), it seems inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just do not understand why people get so obsessed by other people's babies.

I couldn't agree more with this. Maybe these people can direct their energies obsessing about the circumstances of babies truly in distress--malnourished, abused, langushing in substandard orphanages--instead of flinging around their pointless, bourgeois concerns here. Enjoy your self-satisfaction and consider what you're teaching your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:in my opinion, the only reason a child shouldnt never take a bottle is b/c they should be exclusively breastfed until they self wean (cross culturally that's around age 3 or 4)....are you less offended when you see me nursing my toddler than when a toddler is holding a bottle...honestly, your commentary is ridiculous and although i did nurse my toddler, my point is in jest=children have "sucking needs" that are in fact self soothing, whether it's a bottle, thumb, blankie, binkie, breast, whatever-you "forcing" them to get rid of that need so they dont look "ridiculous" is not going to work...most of us dont think seeing a young child who needs some oral soothing as a digressive sight...ask any pediatric mental health professional and they'll tell you that parents cant force their kids to become independent on the parents time table, it doesnt work like that...and although you can strong arm your babies and children to comply with your sense of where they should be developmentally in terms of sleeping, toilet training, oral soothing...the more you force your agenda, the more likely their dependency needs will in fact surface in their adolescent and young adult years...those perfect independent toddlers will be the ones begging to move back home when they are 25 b/c their primary dependency needs were never met...just let your kid suck away=we're talking about toddlers here, right?

pp here again - as for this post. Again, give me a break! My parents raised us with the same encouragement of independence and you want to know what the last rule of the house was - once you leave the house, you leave the house! I have a much younger sis and bro and both were recently given the same speech. You can stay in the house, even through college, but once you are out on your own, you should expect to stay out on your own. Now, we all know that under extreme circumstances, our parents would take us back in and help us in any way, but we certainly don't take advantage or expect it. We use our parents for support, not crutches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I posted my view on a topic that I find disturbing. I can't fathom why anyone would give their 3 1/2 yr old a pacifier. I never said anything to the mom at Tysons mall. That's not my place. I posted this because I was hoping I could find just one parent out there that had a valid reason for giving their toddler or preschooler a pacifier. It was confirmed through 4 pages of posts that no one had a valid reason for giving a pacifier to their child. I did like the mother though that said her nearly 4 yr old daughter needed her paci because she didn't have a favorite blanket or toy to sleep with. Umm either did my child but I suppose that was her excuse. I never said those who give their children pacifiers or bottles were bad parents. That was never said in my original post. I also like the mom that said her child is gifted but still used a paci. Again, my post was never attacking your child's intelligence capacity but those moms just had to take it there. It's a shame they had to resort to their children's abilities or talents instead of answering why their child had a pacifier.
Sure my point was judgemental but I was looking for any answers on why older children "needed" pacifiers. In some households, kids are making all the rules. My opinion.

My DC didn't use a pacifier and was probably off his bottles early enough for your judgmental self. But you know what, OP, I don't give a shit about the pacifier/bottle use of other kids because it does not concern me in the least. It concerns me more that you don't seem to know the difference between either and neither and you think there's such a thing as "intelligence capacity." And it's astounding that you have now concluded, based on 4 pages of posts, that there are no valid reasons for the "prolonged" use of pacifiers or bottles. What a tiny, tiny mind you have.

[Anonymous]

Why is it any of your business if my child is still using a pacifier or a bottle?

Is it my place to judge your parenting?

Parenting is difficult enough without mothers passing judgement on the choices another mom makes.

[Anonymous]

What's considered an age-appropriate soothing technique for a toddler? And what about adults? Some adults self-soothe via alcohol, smoking, chewing gum, eating.... We all need to self-soothe, I'm just now off on a tangent wondering what the healthiest ways to do so are at various times.

[Anonymous]

I happen to think it's cruel to take such a cherished thing away from a child until they are ready. I don't believe in letting a baby CIO, we coslept until our dd (at age 2) decided she felt big enough to sleep in her own space, at 3 3/4 she decided it was ok to not use a paci, didn't shed 1 tear and did an amazing job of letting it go - because she was ready to. SHE made the decision - and, quite frankly, it was a proud moment for her. I choose to pick my battles. She in no way runs my house - but she does get a lot of say when it pertains to her own life. She can pick her own clothes, dinner foods, lunch foods. It's my job to keep the kitchen junkfood-free in order to shape those choices - but it's her job to learn to nourish her own body. How is letting a child use a paci or bottle letting the kids "run the house" OP?? My child doesn't hit, yell or make huge messes. She goes to bed without any fights. She eats dinner at the table nicely and with manners. She cleans up after herslef. She stops at the street and waits before crossing. She listens to me in basically every aspect. BECAUSE we give her choices. And if she chooses to do something as non-life-threatening as a bottle or pacifier, then SO BE IT.

[Anonymous]

The OP doesn't deserve to hear your justifications for your own parenting decisions. Let's not indulge her. She needs a job or a hobby.