Everything is Competitive These Days

[Anonymous]

I am sitting here thinking about how everything is so competitive these days. Academics, sports, the arts, college admissions,... How do keep from feeling behind?

[Anonymous]

What specifically are you worried about? I remind myself the goal is to raise healthy, happy, employed kids. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What specifically are you worried about? I remind myself the goal is to raise healthy, happy, employed kids. That is all.

Just wondering if I should sign my kid up for things and handling the disappointments.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. For example, my tweens might be interested in trying out a sport, but it seems that everyone has been doing it since day 1, so starting out now is hard. In my hometown, in the dark ages, there was basically one league per sport, and every team had a range of abilities, so it was easier for kids to move in and out of sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. For example, my tweens might be interested in trying out a sport, but it seems that everyone has been doing it since day 1, so starting out now is hard. In my hometown, in the dark ages, there was basically one league per sport, and every team had a range of abilities, so it was easier for kids to move in and out of sports.

OP Here: Yes, we are always the new kids on the block because we move often because we are in the military. I always feel like we are infiltrating and trying to see where we fit in.

[Anonymous]

In HS, the popularity of each sport can vary from year to year. If your kid doesn't make a team, have them walk into the activities office and find out when the next try outs are - there may be a sport looking for players. Cross country & Crew take everyone (use to anyway) My daughter made the HS team in NOVA for field hockey and lacrosse never having played those sports. Prepped hard during the weeks leading up to tryouts (and she is athletic) If they want a team, they can be a part of something.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree OP and it can be so frustrating! However, I have learned over the years that you have to do what is right for you, your kids and your family and try as best you can to block or avoid the competitive environments. It might mean not being involved in a as many sports or activities for your kids, but it can mean you are happier and more satisfied in the long run. Your kids may push to do this and that, but remember that you are driving the train. Make the choices that fit best for your schedule and finances and keep in mind that what you don't get from standing on the sidelines for yet another sports game you will make up in family time.

Also, don't fall into the trap of feeling that you are the only one. Trust me when I say that there are plenty of other people who don't want to get caught up, but don't know how to say no and accept that they don't want to "keep up with the Joneses".

My kids are now young adults - one in high school and one in college - and I am so glad that I finally came to my senses and did things the way it worked for us and not from some dictated way that everyone around us was doing. MY DH and I decided we needed to slow it all down and concentrate on building our definition of success and competition. My kids are involved in sports, activities and community service. They are doing well in school, but are not perfect by any stretch. The had their struggles (like all kids do!!!!) and we helped them through. However, they are happy and satisfied with their lives. They still want to hang out with their parents (even my 15 year old son!) and we enjoy our family vacations and our dinners at the table. We have our silly family traditions and inside jokes. I would take that over competing with the kid down the street for grades, spot on the team or place in college any day of the week.

Bottom line - you need to decide how much you are really willing to fall into the trap because that is what it all is! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Yeh the problem is the mantra that everyone must go to college so now everyone is competing. Sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sitting here thinking about how everything is so competitive these days. Academics, sports, the arts, college admissions,... How do keep from feeling behind?

We've been involved with all but college admissions because our kids are in MS, but I think this *competitiveness* is just something you engage in or don't. Make family values and find ways to engage them that makes sense to your family. The only competitiveness we engage in is family game night, but it's all in fun.

[Anonymous]

You can let competition get the better of you.

Or you can shut it out, and let it in when it works for your family.

One of my kids is anti-competition. He's in an audition-only choir, does a rec sport, and writes beautifully.
My other child is very competitive, but is very young so for now she also is in a rec sport, and gets her energy out on her instrument!

[Anonymous]

I don't find that at all for my kid. She's a rising 7th grader, and competes against herself for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't find that at all for my kid. She's a rising 7th grader, and competes against herself for the most part.

Wait few more years. It's just around the corner.

[Anonymous]

We are around it a lot. I am imperfect but try to not get wrapped up in it too much. But it does leak in (why is so and so getting so much playing time? Because he pays for private training with the coach every week. That sort of thing can really get under your skin. But I try to do what's best for my family and then when the competitiveness dishes out a big disappointment, I remind myself that "lessons in disappointment" are valuable. Lots of kids around here, could use a few. So, when one comes our way, I try to remember that it helps build resilience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sitting here thinking about how everything is so competitive these days. Academics, sports, the arts, college admissions,... How do keep from feeling behind?

You seem to believe this is a new phenomenon. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. For example, my tweens might be interested in trying out a sport, but it seems that everyone has been doing it since day 1, so starting out now is hard. In my hometown, in the dark ages, there was basically one league per sport, and every team had a range of abilities, so it was easier for kids to move in and out of sports.

Failing is good for them. So is disappointment.