Mentoring a child who’s mother is clueless!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you said the grandfather is close to the child and has concerns about the brother right? Do you think you could maybe sit down with him and talk? Maybe buy the grandfather lunch so you can talk to him about his concerns and what he thinks could be done?

Unfortunately the grandfather is clueless as well. We are very close and he tells me everything that goes on behind closed doors. But his main concerns are that this individual is Very disrespectful, eating them out of house and home, stealing his cigarettes and that he will soon start bringing friends over with the criminal histories. He’s extremely angry with his daughter because he has to hide everything in his room of value among everything else. Anytime I mention the potential inappropriate situation with his granddaughter he completely disagrees with me. He believes that is complete and utter nonsense! And the worse part is that now he has told me he wants to move out because he’s over this. I pleaded with him that he can’t leave his granddaughter alone with this person. But he’s obviously just thinking about himself. I don’t understand people.

He’s probably given up on his daughter’s sh*t. You’re tired of it after five years; imagine putting up with it for years.

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand is how you started by saying you and the mom get along great and you love the grandfather then everything after that contradicts what you said about how you see them. Seems like you liked the mom just because she gave you carte blanche.

Your agency manager has a mandate to report if there is a serious risk to the child and if the child is not adequately supervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you said the grandfather is close to the child and has concerns about the brother right? Do you think you could maybe sit down with him and talk? Maybe buy the grandfather lunch so you can talk to him about his concerns and what he thinks could be done?

Unfortunately the grandfather is clueless as well. We are very close and he tells me everything that goes on behind closed doors. But his main concerns are that this individual is Very disrespectful, eating them out of house and home, stealing his cigarettes and that he will soon start bringing friends over with the criminal histories. He’s extremely angry with his daughter because he has to hide everything in his room of value among everything else. Anytime I mention the potential inappropriate situation with his granddaughter he completely disagrees with me. He believes that is complete and utter nonsense! And the worse part is that now he has told me he wants to move out because he’s over this. I pleaded with him that he can’t leave his granddaughter alone with this person. But he’s obviously just thinking about himself. I don’t understand people.

He’s probably given up on his daughter’s sh*t. You’re tired of it after five years; imagine putting up with it for years.

Oh boy is that the truth! The stories he’s told me would blow your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why you mentioned in the other thread that he is nice looking and biracial. It makes me question your perspective. You seem like someone with a white savior complex.

Which other thread? There's the one that I thought involved a 5-yo whose mom comes and goes and lives with the grandfather, but this kid is 14?

IDK why OP comes on here when she already has mentor manager trying to educate her.

Although the uncle potentially assaulting the girl, it happens. But OP has gone way beyond boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is how you started by saying you and the mom get along great and you love the grandfather then everything after that contradicts what you said about how you see them. Seems like you liked the mom just because she gave you carte blanche.

Your agency manager has a mandate to report if there is a serious risk to the child and if the child is not adequately supervised.

I do get along with the mother and the grandfather has been great. But given the latest revelation I’m furious with her horrible judgment. And now the grandfather is telling me he wants to move out because this individual and him are at each other’s throats. Everything was wonderful just a few weeks ago. And all of a sudden I’m told this brother of hers, who just got out of prison, is coming down from up north and needs a place to live so she thought it was the sisterly thing to do.
My manager said even if the grandfather moves out there is nothing they can do. This guy is a relative by law and if the mom thinks he is an appropriate guardian for her daughter while she stays with her boyfriend most the week then that’s her decision to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why you mentioned in the other thread that he is nice looking and biracial. It makes me question your perspective. You seem like someone with a white savior complex.

Which other thread? There's the one that I thought involved a 5-yo whose mom comes and goes and lives with the grandfather, but this kid is 14?

IDK why OP comes on here when she already has mentor manager trying to educate her.

Although the uncle potentially assaulting the girl, it happens. But OP has gone way beyond boundaries.

Boundaries? I’m sorry when it comes to a child’s well being there are no boundaries!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A young girl in a dysfunctional family with a felon in the house ... but no, the problem is the volunteer mentor who is here seeking advice... holy cow.

The volunteer mentor is clearly unstable in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A young girl in a dysfunctional family with a felon in the house ... but no, the problem is the volunteer mentor who is here seeking advice... holy cow.

The volunteer mentor is clearly unstable in this case.

I think these comments might be coming from individuals that have the same mentality as this mother. I’m just happy there are people out there that are willing to try and make a difference in a child’s life. In stead of criticizing her you should be praising her imo. There are all kinds of bad situations on this forum and sometimes people just need to off blow off steam or just get a little support.

[Anonymous]

Can you put a lock on her door (locks from the inside)?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Update: I gave the mom an ultimatum. I told her she needed to choose between me or the felon and she chose me. She bought him a one way plane ticket out of town. Hallelujah! Unfortunately I’m still very upset at the moms decision making and mentality. She told me she’s doing the best she can raising her daughter. I responded with rule #1, you don’t take in males PERIOD. Felons or non felons and leave your daughter alone with them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Update: I gave the mom an ultimatum. I told her she needed to choose between me or the felon and she chose me. She bought him a one way plane ticket out of town. Hallelujah! Unfortunately I’m still very upset at the moms decision making and mentality. She told me she’s doing the best she can raising her daughter. I responded with rule #1, you don’t take in males PERIOD. Felons or non felons and leave your daughter alone with them!

So fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was adopted, he's the brother or uncle, not the "brother." That said, it's difficult, but this is not your child and not your life. They aren't going ot raise this child the way you would (or they wouldn't need the program). Look for ways you can help, try to bite your tongue in the absence of danger to the child (you have actually not said anything that poses a danger to this child), or get out of their lives.

Yes her uncle that she’s never met. I know I know she’s not my child. But I do feel there is imminent danger as he gets more comfortable and given the alone time he has with her. The grandfather is not there all the time. What are the chances something inappropriate will happen? She’s a beautiful little girl wearing little shorts all the time. Just saying.

I think this is a troll.

Agree. I don't usually say that, but this is a very strange comment.

However, like the OP, troll or not, I would have concerns about a child I was mentoring because she was considered vulnerable or an at risk youth suddenly having an uncle that she's never met move in right after he got out of prison for ATTEMPTED MURDER and who has a history of domestic violence.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing you can do OP. This story is repeated 1000s of times around the country: Birth Mom and Birth Father have no personal agency and feel entitled to entitlements.

All my district attorney friends and social worker friends see this all the time, despite all the welfare, handouts, special programs, and mentors like you provided.

The 14 yo girl needs other role models and to GTFO of there once 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CFSA takes reports of child abuse and neglect 24 hours a day, seven days a week at (202) 671-SAFE or [phone]. This hotline is the gateway to protection and help for child victims and those at risk up to age 18 in the District of Columbia.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN MARYLAND:
PLEASE CALL 911 and your local department of social services Child Protective Services Unit to make a report.

TO REPORT CHILD ABUSE OR NEGLECT IN ANOTHER STATE:
Go to Childhelp at www.childhelp.org or call toll free: 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453).

VA Hotline Numbers
In Virginia: [phone]
Out-of-state: [phone]

Ty for all this info. But I’ve researched this and it’s not abuse or neglect it seems. Not until something happens unfortunately.

Call anyway.

You'll probably be called a racist for calling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why you mentioned in the other thread that he is nice looking and biracial. It makes me question your perspective. You seem like someone with a white savior complex.

There's no saving this. The girl is lucky to have a 5 year relationship with OP.

Absentee father

Single mother, maybe works maybe doesn't. Living with/staying over at new boyfriends mostly.

Live in elderly grandfather.

New live in Ex-convict brother (non bloodline)

Who knows what the financial situation is.