House in the suburbs but no kids?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I just had dinner at friend's house who sounds like you--large, nice house in a very suburban neighborhood with no kids (and no immediate plans to have kids). Their house is beautiful and so well-decorated. They both make decent money and it shows. In their case, they aren't really city people and they enjoy house projects and decorating. They have the money so why not enjoy it with a nice home (and they still have money to travel and buy nice cars).

What shocks me is that their commute is horrible so I'm not sure why they chose to be that far out (they don't work in the district so they could have bought closer to work and not had to pay NW prices). But, that's her business--her house is still amazing and I'm happy for them.

[Anonymous]

OP, they are jealous, simple. It is just the beginning. Wait until you meet the "original owners" in the other houses. Hopefully, for your sake, they are gone. They think they own the neighborhood. Hold your own. Enjoy your successes. And surround yourself with POSITIVE ONLY! Make that your new mantra. Life is truly too short to surround yourself with people who drain who or jab over petty things. Enjoy it in good health! THAT will p*ss them off

[Anonymous]

If having kids is the only thing that will make these unfriendly neighbors approach you, are these really the kind of people you want to be friends with?

But don't mind me, I live in a condo with several gay couples, about 10 dogs and only one child in the building - its pretty awesome.

[Anonymous]

When we first bought in a smaller semi rural (more of a bedroom community) we were childless and while we wanted kids we weren't trying to hard. At first the locals while not cold weren't very freindly either. I see it as mostly our fault since we looked at the community as where our house was and not where we lived if you understand my meaning. It wasn't until 5 years later, we had children and started to involve ourselves more in the community that people started to warm to us.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know this is a shot in the dark but do you happen to live off Ft Hunt Rd? I only ask because we had neighbors move in awhile back that sound very similar to you. I haven't gone over to say and my excuse list runs long. I am not mean or jealous (okay maybe a little when I see you out running with your DH and wish I could do that )

But really, the reasons are: At first, I was just really busy. I know not a great excuse because everyone's busy but we are still a little overwhelmed with 2 young kids and our work schedules. My DH works really odd hours and many weekends so we don't have a lot of family time or couple-alone time. When we do it's all about just "us" time with the kids. Then when some time had passed I was actually embarrassed that I hadn't come over to say hi and introduce myself. We (if this is you) have an older neighbor that likes to get into everyone's business and do a little gossiping. He is not particularly fond of us because of many reasons that we have actually discussed with him and his wife. It's some lifestyle choices mainly. I became a little insecure when I saw him talking with you and can only assume that he has not painted us in the greatest light.

So, they are NOT good reasons, but they are the reasons why I haven't stopped over to say hi. If this is you, I may be even more embarrassed now for revealing my excuses, but I really am a nice person and want to get to know my neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for your honesty. I guess I'm concerned about this because we're newbies to the area and we're trying to make new friends (been here for 4 years). It's a big house. It's not something I would worry about with established friends, but when you're trying to make new friends, you start to wonder if something like this is going to turn them off. That's why I have been waiting so long to invite people over, until I feel really, really comfortable with them.

Two questions: 1) where do you live? obviously not street address but part of town and 2) why did you buy such a lage house if you feel so uncomfortable about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell, I think it's ridiculous to buy a house in the 'burbs even after you have kids, but I also think co-workers who live in Arlington "townhomes" are pots who can't afford to insult the color of your kettle.

'that is pretty dumb. so there are no townhomes in Arlington?

Nooooo, because townhomes in Arlington are suburban houses, silly. The scare quotes were a dig at their ticky-tackyness, which OP's home probably exceeds only slightly. I was saying that those co-workers aren't ones to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Can't you meet people at Applebees?

(Sorry, couldn't resist. Carry on.)

Awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for your honesty. I guess I'm concerned about this because we're newbies to the area and we're trying to make new friends (been here for 4 years). It's a big house. It's not something I would worry about with established friends, but when you're trying to make new friends, you start to wonder if something like this is going to turn them off. That's why I have been waiting so long to invite people over, until I feel really, really comfortable with them.

Two questions: 1) where do you live? obviously not street address but part of town and 2) why did you buy such a lage house if you feel so uncomfortable about it?

Great Falls. We love the house and don't care what most people think but I do always wonder if this is an impediment to making new friends. We are newbies to the area and so we are trying to make lots of new friends and it is really hard. People will find any reason not to want to be friends with you, and so I'm just wondering if this could be a reason.

[Anonymous]

I'm a new poster- OK, that explains a lot that it is a house in Great Falls.

---First, you'll tend to meet people less, since most Great Falls neighborhoods are less walkable (though you suggested yours is walkable to shopping...).

We're a young child-free couple (currently) living in a small Arlington single-family house now for several years, where obviously the houses are closer together than in Great Falls and many have front porches. I meet people running in the neighborhood, walking the dog, in the park with the dog, and when I'm doing yard work or weeding in the front yard. Many people sit on their front porches (or adirondack chairs in their front yards), and walk to Metro and buses-- this all fosters interaction.

---Second- I think quite a number of people will be CRAZY jealous that you have a single-family house in Great Falls, much less at your age.

Also, I think people are jealous when you get married young, live financially responsibly, get to do things in your careers (work 10-12 hour days if need be), travel, live a carefree life, without worrying about childcare, driving children to childcare and activities, and dealing with children right away. Babies are so cute (and I'll be so happy to have one when we do), but I've seen people get REALLY stressed about having 2-3 kids running around the messy house and misbehaving.

And, that will be reflected in how they respond. (But, I wouldn't ASSUME that-- it would be sort of like the women who say "other women ALWAYS hate me since I'm so pretty" --- but most times women gravitate to really pretty women, and the reason why "THOSE" women don't have female friends is because they give off a bad-attitude vibe, plus aren't as pretty as they think.)

I think you have to make the effort in this case, to reach out to friends, etc, and show them that you are friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new poster- OK, that explains a lot that it is a house in Great Falls.

---First, you'll tend to meet people less, since most Great Falls neighborhoods are less walkable (though you suggested yours is walkable to shopping...).

We're a young child-free couple (currently) living in a small Arlington single-family house now for several years, where obviously the houses are closer together than in Great Falls and many have front porches. I meet people running in the neighborhood, walking the dog, in the park with the dog, and when I'm doing yard work or weeding in the front yard. Many people sit on their front porches (or adirondack chairs in their front yards), and walk to Metro and buses-- this all fosters interaction.

---Second- I think quite a number of people will be CRAZY jealous that you have a single-family house in Great Falls, much less at your age.

Also, I think people are jealous when you get married young, live financially responsibly, get to do things in your careers (work 10-12 hour days if need be), travel, live a carefree life, without worrying about childcare, driving children to childcare and activities, and dealing with children right away. Babies are so cute (and I'll be so happy to have one when we do), but I've seen people get REALLY stressed about having 2-3 kids running around the messy house and misbehaving.

And, that will be reflected in how they respond. (But, I wouldn't ASSUME that-- it would be sort of like the women who say "other women ALWAYS hate me since I'm so pretty" --- but most times women gravitate to really pretty women, and the reason why "THOSE" women don't have female friends is because they give off a bad-attitude vibe, plus aren't as pretty as they think.)

I think you have to make the effort in this case, to reach out to friends, etc, and show them that you are friendly.

OP here. Yes, my neighborhood isn't very walkable (and not walkable to shopping). But people aren't out and about that much anyway. When I walk in the neighborhood I might see one other neighbor out, who most of the time will say a quick hello and that's it, if they even acknowledge me at all. We've met one neighbor in the neighborhood in one year. Overall, people have been neutral to unfriendly. I wonder if part of it is because we don't have kids.

I never tell people that we live in Great Falls. I always skirt around the issue until I know them really well.

I am a very down to earth, unassuming person who doesn't wear makeup, dresses very casually (Old Navy, not boutiques), so I think that helps in terms of making friends, but it's been really challenging for us to make friends as a childless couple in our early 30's who is new to the area, and I have been wondering how the house will come across to potential friends if/when we ever invite them over. DH doesn't appreciate the unsolicited comments from his colleagues about our choice to move to Great Falls.

[Anonymous]

OP--people are going to make unsolicited comments about wherever you live. Its just going to happen. Move to Anacostia and they will comment about that.

[Anonymous]

ok sorry, hit send too soon. Anyway, your husband needs to grow thicker skin and come up with some retorts. Because people are going to judge your decision in home, in car, in vacation spot, in how much you spent on the three, in how many children you have, how you care for them, how far apart in age they are, what schools they go to....you get the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a new poster- OK, that explains a lot that it is a house in Great Falls.

---First, you'll tend to meet people less, since most Great Falls neighborhoods are less walkable (though you suggested yours is walkable to shopping...).

We're a young child-free couple (currently) living in a small Arlington single-family house now for several years, where obviously the houses are closer together than in Great Falls and many have front porches. I meet people running in the neighborhood, walking the dog, in the park with the dog, and when I'm doing yard work or weeding in the front yard. Many people sit on their front porches (or adirondack chairs in their front yards), and walk to Metro and buses-- this all fosters interaction.

---Second- I think quite a number of people will be CRAZY jealous that you have a single-family house in Great Falls, much less at your age.

Also, I think people are jealous when you get married young, live financially responsibly, get to do things in your careers (work 10-12 hour days if need be), travel, live a carefree life, without worrying about childcare, driving children to childcare and activities, and dealing with children right away. Babies are so cute (and I'll be so happy to have one when we do), but I've seen people get REALLY stressed about having 2-3 kids running around the messy house and misbehaving.

And, that will be reflected in how they respond. (But, I wouldn't ASSUME that-- it would be sort of like the women who say "other women ALWAYS hate me since I'm so pretty" --- but most times women gravitate to really pretty women, and the reason why "THOSE" women don't have female friends is because they give off a bad-attitude vibe, plus aren't as pretty as they think.)

I think you have to make the effort in this case, to reach out to friends, etc, and show them that you are friendly.

OP here. Yes, my neighborhood isn't very walkable (and not walkable to shopping). But people aren't out and about that much anyway. When I walk in the neighborhood I might see one other neighbor out, who most of the time will say a quick hello and that's it, if they even acknowledge me at all. We've met one neighbor in the neighborhood in one year. Overall, people have been neutral to unfriendly. I wonder if part of it is because we don't have kids.

I never tell people that we live in Great Falls. I always skirt around the issue until I know them really well.

I am a very down to earth, unassuming person who doesn't wear makeup, dresses very casually (Old Navy, not boutiques), so I think that helps in terms of making friends, but it's been really challenging for us to make friends as a childless couple in our early 30's who is new to the area, and I have been wondering how the house will come across to potential friends if/when we ever invite them over. DH doesn't appreciate the unsolicited comments from his colleagues about our choice to move to Great Falls.

I think it's because you live in Great Falls, not because you don't have kids. I think of McLean and Great Falls as being very snobby... and showy. I wouldn't choose to live there if I was a really down to earth and unassuming person who wanted to meet similar people.

[Anonymous]

OP: Do you like your house? Can you afford it? Do you enjoy the quiet? If yes to all three, then it is time to grow up and stop worrying what people think.