MIL literally forgot grandchild's birthday

[Anonymous]

Wtf. This is so low on anyones radar. No one cares except the actual parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you, 8 years old?

Who cares? Birthdays are for children. And even if you or MIL generally cares at some level about a rote, checklist telephone call every year, people forget.

Spouse and I have both at various points forgotten the other’s birthday and/or our anniversary. We still love each other and have a great life.

It’s really not a big deal.

She’s venting because of the inequity she sees. It’s upsetting to see a sibling’s kids being treated differently. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it to my kid but I would stop celebrating mil and fils birthdays and I would be bothered by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Imagine how perfect OP's life must be that this is something she's upset about. No one's lost their jobs, had cancer, died or anything! Wow. Wonder how that must feel.

You’re ignoring the situation she described and as cool and chill as a bunch of you are coming off here I don’t believe for 2 seconds that you wouldn’t be bothered if she treated a sibling’s kids differently. Such fake people posting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you, 8 years old?

Who cares? Birthdays are for children. And even if you or MIL generally cares at some level about a rote, checklist telephone call every year, people forget.

Spouse and I have both at various points forgotten the other’s birthday and/or our anniversary. We still love each other and have a great life.

It’s really not a big deal.

She’s venting because of the inequity she sees. It’s upsetting to see a sibling’s kids being treated differently. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it to my kid but I would stop celebrating mil and fils birthdays and I would be bothered by it.

Does she know for a fact that IL’s have never forgotten anything pertaining to nieces/nephews? I doubt it. She sounds like she just hates her MIL.

[Anonymous]

Next time they have a birthday roll around, be polite, but don't go out of the way either to wish them a happy birthday. If they say something, I would respond, I thought we weren't celebrating birthdays anymore on this side of the family since Larla's birthday didn't warrant a call or call?

[Anonymous]

**call or card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are admittedly not big birthday people, but we always make a point of calling MIL and FIL on their birthdays and wishing them a happy birthday.]



Why are you making a big deal out of something you have said is no big deal to you?

[Anonymous]

All you have to do is to call MIL a week in advance and say DS/DD birthday is coming up and they'd love a card. Or if they live nearby, invite them to the birthday dinner.

Sheesh. I have a great relationship with my own mother but even she sometimes forgets my birthday because birthdays really aren't important the older you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call them to remind.

This. I know grandparents who would love a text reminder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are admittedly not big birthday people, but we always make a point of calling MIL and FIL on their birthdays and wishing them a happy birthday.

This year, they literally forgot their grandchild's birthday. She's a teen. They live out of state, but the part of this that makes me so sad is that DD didn't even seem to notice that they forgot it. She focused on the cards that she got from her other family out of state that she visited this summer.

I have come to accept that ILs don't have much of an interest in our children, but this is really hurtful. We did visit them this summer and spent the whole visit giving them support and help. They barely even acknowledged that our kids were there while doting on DH's brother's kids.

I don't understand why anyone would do this, and it always hurts, even though I'm not surprised and have accepted that they are how they are.

My in-laws are absolutely beyond obsessed with the grandkids, to an unhealthy level often. And they also forget their bdays. Some people just aren’t oriented around bdays and that’s nbd. Sounds like you’re using bday as symbolic of relationship overall being now what you want, and that is a bummer

[Anonymous]

Old people forget things sometimes.

[Anonymous]

We have ten grandchildren and we do our best to remember the dates but we are not perfect! With three kids and three spouses that’s 16 birthdays. My own kids have forgotten mine and I don’t melt down.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why we treat birthdays as a gotcha moment around how someone feels (or not). I say this as a person that LOVES birthdays and tries to remember every one. I try to drop hints before a birthday with my extended family just to make sure it's on their radar, and to help them out a bit. I'm guessing your in laws would be mortified to know they forgot her birthday. This happened to me once w/ a nephew and I felt awful. Thank god for same day shipping!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simmer down, Gladys.
Your daughter isn't upset. So stop creating a problem where there is none.

This!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, how come all the hate is reserved for MIL? Shouldn't FIL be sharing the emotional labor? I guess he's off the hook.