11 yr old boy and porn

[Anonymous]

So we have a computer - centrally located with parental controls in Windows 7 that I though I had pretty much locked down and after my son was home alone for an hour after school. I checked the history this morning and it was just full of searches and results that were not blocked of some very explicit images. I am not sure if any of this can ever really be blocked and I am just really sad that he is looking at this stuff at such an early age. I consider myself pretty tech savvy and had already had the discussion with my son after viewing some other web searches on youtube where he was watching grand theft auto videos. I am thinking I will block all computer use when he is home alone but I am guessing that this will not last forever. Even when I have all of our devices locked down, he still had kids at school with fully enabled smart phones that are showing him stuff. Are there any parents who have dealt with this issue successfully? Thanks in advance for any advice!

[Anonymous]

Get more involved with church and church youth groups, or homeschooling?

[SUVSpot]

totally normal behavior jsut aks your husband when he started looking at it.

[Anonymous]

Well there is a huge difference between what my husband had access to at that age versus what kids can have access to today!

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to your DS about porn. Or, if you're not the dad, then his dad needs to. It's a tough conversation, but like you pointed out, there is NO WAY to keep him from seeing pornographic images. Sex is a fine, normal, often awesome part of being an adult, and being turned on (by porn or otherwise) is totally normal. He needs to know that. But it's vital that he get the message that those images are no more reality than a musical is an accurate representation of real life. And he needs to hear that women are people, not objects, and that porn can help condition his mind to see them as objects for his own sexual pleasure. He needs to hear that that is wrong. Start talking.

And get better parental controls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get more involved with church and church youth groups, or homeschooling?

Great answer - find ways to shame him into not watching!

[Anonymous]

Fantastic TED Talk from a (very hot) man on why he stopped watching porn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRJ_QfP2mhU

[Anonymous]

Normal tween behavior so don't freak. What we did was tell DC we had installed special software that would allow us to check browser history and he couldn't erase it. DH actually found this software. The idea was that DS would stop going to such sites because we would find out and it worked (obviously not air tight if he's at a friends house or something) we eventually stopped checking when he became and older teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get more involved with church and church youth groups, or homeschooling?

Why? So the kid can be made afraid and ashamed of normal sexual curiosities and desires? OP - don't do this!

But what you should do is possibly add additional protections on the computer (if possible….I'm not an expert), but you're right that it's only a temporary fix. You need to have an open and honest discussion about this with him. Let him know that it is totally normal to be curious, but what he can see on a computer is not the "real" thing and it's not something that is right for him to be watching. He may be young, but he also may be hearing things at school and, goodness knows, kids are certainly exposed to "stuff" at a much younger age then any of us were back in the day. Hopefully, you've already had a few discussion with him about puberty and sex and this will simply be a continuation of the discussion. If you haven't started talking about it then it's most definitely time to start! He should not be made to feel ashamed because that could bite you later on. He has to know that it is normal to be curious and that he can always ask any questions and come to you (or your DH) for those answers. However, he also needs to know that you do not want him doing that and give him good reasons - not just because it's "bad". There are so many reasons why porn is inappropriate - one of the biggest being that it is so misogynist - and he needs to start hearing from you what is ok. Give him a chance to talk with you (and/or your DH). He will probably be a little bit embarrassed, but if you handle yourself with ease then he will feel better about it.

And remember, this is not a one-time conversation. You will be having this conversation over and over again in various forms throughout the next several years!

[Anonymous]

This could be a passing thing and all the suggestions for talks etc. would be helpful. Do not think "boys will be boys" and leave it alone.

This could be the start of an addiction. Porn can be an extremely powerful and hard to overcome addiction. There are plenty of kids who have failed out of college owing to a porn addiciton (or World of Warcraft addiction or online gambling addiction, etc.)

As with most addictions, the key is to nip it in the bud. Get better site blocking software. If he has a phone, disable internet access. It's true you won't get the stuff he sees at friends' houses, but watching porn with others has some built in natural restraints. Watching it alone can ruin your life. BTDT with a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get more involved with church and church youth groups, or homeschooling?

Why? So the kid can be made afraid and ashamed of normal sexual curiosities and desires? OP - don't do this!

But what you should do is possibly add additional protections on the computer (if possible….I'm not an expert), but you're right that it's only a temporary fix. You need to have an open and honest discussion about this with him. Let him know that it is totally normal to be curious, but what he can see on a computer is not the "real" thing and it's not something that is right for him to be watching. He may be young, but he also may be hearing things at school and, goodness knows, kids are certainly exposed to "stuff" at a much younger age then any of us were back in the day. Hopefully, you've already had a few discussion with him about puberty and sex and this will simply be a continuation of the discussion. If you haven't started talking about it then it's most definitely time to start! He should not be made to feel ashamed because that could bite you later on. He has to know that it is normal to be curious and that he can always ask any questions and come to you (or your DH) for those answers. However, he also needs to know that you do not want him doing that and give him good reasons - not just because it's "bad". There are so many reasons why porn is inappropriate - one of the biggest being that it is so misogynist - and he needs to start hearing from you what is ok. Give him a chance to talk with you (and/or your DH). He will probably be a little bit embarrassed, but if you handle yourself with ease then he will feel better about it.

And remember, this is not a one-time conversation. You will be having this conversation over and over again in various forms throughout the next several years!

The depiction in porn is not normal.

[Anonymous]

As noted get better computer controls. However, this needs to be a continuing conversation as do many among Dad and him as there are some things that a Dad on this topic can address better and then from you Mom that curiosity is normal, but like anything else can lead one down a path one does not want to be on. He is at an important age when if you can steer him in the direction of a positive church, service or other coed youth group he can learn to continue to have healthy relationships with both boys and girls his age. Also a continuing, low key discussion about developing his own sense of values etc. is important. It is tough times to be raising kids of any age in today with so much media exposure and at such young ages. There is truly a sad loss of innocence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get more involved with church and church youth groups, or homeschooling?

Why? So the kid can be made afraid and ashamed of normal sexual curiosities and desires? OP - don't do this!

But what you should do is possibly add additional protections on the computer (if possible….I'm not an expert), but you're right that it's only a temporary fix. You need to have an open and honest discussion about this with him. Let him know that it is totally normal to be curious, but what he can see on a computer is not the "real" thing and it's not something that is right for him to be watching. He may be young, but he also may be hearing things at school and, goodness knows, kids are certainly exposed to "stuff" at a much younger age then any of us were back in the day. Hopefully, you've already had a few discussion with him about puberty and sex and this will simply be a continuation of the discussion. If you haven't started talking about it then it's most definitely time to start! He should not be made to feel ashamed because that could bite you later on. He has to know that it is normal to be curious and that he can always ask any questions and come to you (or your DH) for those answers. However, he also needs to know that you do not want him doing that and give him good reasons - not just because it's "bad". There are so many reasons why porn is inappropriate - one of the biggest being that it is so misogynist - and he needs to start hearing from you what is ok. Give him a chance to talk with you (and/or your DH). He will probably be a little bit embarrassed, but if you handle yourself with ease then he will feel better about it.

And remember, this is not a one-time conversation. You will be having this conversation over and over again in various forms throughout the next several years!

The depiction in porn is not normal.

how much porn have you watched?
not all porn is bestiality and/or abusive.

[Anonymous]

On youtube it is very easy to go from Disney > Hannah Montana > Miley Cyrus > Twerking > Robin Thicke > "Blurred Lines"

They don't even have to be searching for it.

[Anonymous]

Aside: I'm concerned for what my daughters might think is expected of them or normal. Most porn really is not about real, mutually agreeable sex. It is extremely misleading if not downright degrading. And it normalizes exploitive, disrespectful behavior imo, but I'm pretty certain of my opinion.

Thank you for talking to your son about girls, women, dignity, and, yes, sex, too.