11 yr old boy and porn

[Anonymous]

Why does everyone assume going to church would lead to shame and repression? what a strange reaction. I thought the post was a joke, but I am looking for a church for my family because I think it will help with the upcoming phases of life, like puberty. Other people in church are also raising their kids and dealing with puberty and sexuality. Not all of them are taking a "shame and repress" attitude towards it (I hope).

I heard on NPR that the UU church teaches sex ed in Sunday school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The depiction in porn is not normal.

OK, so your position is that if the parents can help the 11 year old find porn that depicts what they (or you) consider "normal", that it's OK to watch it? Or are you just spinning off on a tangent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The depiction in porn is not normal.

OK, so your position is that if the parents can help the 11 year old find porn that depicts what they (or you) consider "normal", that it's OK to watch it? Or are you just spinning off on a tangent?

It's one more very important thing to address, yes. But, no, not the only thing.

I believe you are pecking at crumbs.

[Anonymous]

I think lots of boys that watch porn turn out normal. I'm actually concerned that my 15 yo boy is not interested in girls at all. I think that could be a problem as well. But I agree that this is probably a better problem to have...

[Anonymous]

11 is way too young to have any perspective on porn. I saw porn as a teen and don't feel it damaged me too much, but I dated a guy who watched a lot of porn in college and I feel like it was a HUGE problem for him. Plus, he sucked in bed because he was always trying to make sex like what he saw.

[Anonymous]

Here is a really good article on how to talk to your kids about porn:

http://sexualintelligence.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/time-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-porn/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone assume going to church would lead to shame and repression? what a strange reaction. I thought the post was a joke, but I am looking for a church for my family because I think it will help with the upcoming phases of life, like puberty. Other people in church are also raising their kids and dealing with puberty and sexuality. Not all of them are taking a "shame and repress" attitude towards it (I hope).

I heard on NPR that the UU church teaches sex ed in Sunday school.

The UU program is called OWL, for Our Whole Lives. In my experience it is taught outside of Sunday school, in a separate program which parents can choose for their kids. OWL can also be taught in a variety of community and other settings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think lots of boys that watch porn turn out normal. I'm actually concerned that my 15 yo boy is not interested in girls at all. I think that could be a problem as well. But I agree that this is probably a better problem to have...

I strongly disagree. Yes, "some" boys (and girls) who watch porn may be completely unaffected. However, there are widespread sexual problems in our adult population today. Date rape, problems with commitment, cheating, sexual abuse, diseases, sexual dysfunction, sexual incompatibility, pedophilia, divorce...these things have always existed but exist more than ever in the past 30 years. Sexuality is a large and important component of how couples relate to one another, and for many many people this part of the relationship is rife with problems. Porn usage in most cases will exacerbate problems rather then heal them. Widespread porn usage starting at a very young age - as is happening with this coming up generation - is unprecedented. We will begin to see its effect on our children as they become adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone assume going to church would lead to shame and repression? what a strange reaction. I thought the post was a joke, but I am looking for a church for my family because I think it will help with the upcoming phases of life, like puberty. Other people in church are also raising their kids and dealing with puberty and sexuality. Not all of them are taking a "shame and repress" attitude towards it (I hope).

I heard on NPR that the UU church teaches sex ed in Sunday school.

Thank you. I had the same reaction. While many religions consider sex "sacred", they certain do not all shame people about it. Instead, they teach and encourage people to use it in healthy and respectful ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think lots of boys that watch porn turn out normal. I'm actually concerned that my 15 yo boy is not interested in girls at all. I think that could be a problem as well. But I agree that this is probably a better problem to have...

I strongly disagree. Yes, "some" boys (and girls) who watch porn may be completely unaffected. However, there are widespread sexual problems in our adult population today. Date rape, problems with commitment, cheating, sexual abuse, diseases, sexual dysfunction, sexual incompatibility, pedophilia, divorce...these things have always existed but exist more than ever in the past 30 years. Sexuality is a large and important component of how couples relate to one another, and for many many people this part of the relationship is rife with problems. Porn usage in most cases will exacerbate problems rather then heal them. Widespread porn usage starting at a very young age - as is happening with this coming up generation - is unprecedented. We will begin to see its effect on our children as they become adults.

Woah...ok, um, "citation needed" for this entire post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well there is a huge difference between what my husband had access to at that age versus what kids can have access to today!

Yes, exactly. The porn we may have been exposed to as children would include the occasional magazine; MAYBE on rare occasion a video if you found your parents stash - and since the social acceptance of such things was far less than today, most parents didn't have stashes or hid them really well. I remember not being allowed into the "adult" section of the video store until 18. So, at least there was a significant delay of viewing until adulthood. What we have now is widespread availability of anything the mind can imagine, starting from a shockingly young age. Now, sexual experimentation tends to begin with pornography, rather than another human being. Images and ideas get planted even before full sexual maturity. As children are given their own private devices at younger and younger ages, their curiosity will lead them wherever they want, unless we as parents are extremely fastidious at preventing their access.

I know the damage, as my (adopted at age 9) son had easy access to both television and internet pornography starting from about age 5 in his orphanage. All the children would sit and watch porn together - all the way up through the teens. It was just another TV station for them, and a fascinating one at that. Their one computer with internet had no controls, and no adult supervision. I believe this exposure was as damaging to him as if he had been physically abused.

At what age does it become "okay" to view pornography then? I'm not sure, but I would hope that our children can at least experience sex with a real human being prior to viewing the complete lie that pornography is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think lots of boys that watch porn turn out normal. I'm actually concerned that my 15 yo boy is not interested in girls at all. I think that could be a problem as well. But I agree that this is probably a better problem to have...

I strongly disagree. Yes, "some" boys (and girls) who watch porn may be completely unaffected. However, there are widespread sexual problems in our adult population today. Date rape, problems with commitment, cheating, sexual abuse, diseases, sexual dysfunction, sexual incompatibility, pedophilia, divorce...these things have always existed but exist more than ever in the past 30 years. Sexuality is a large and important component of how couples relate to one another, and for many many people this part of the relationship is rife with problems. Porn usage in most cases will exacerbate problems rather then heal them. Widespread porn usage starting at a very young age - as is happening with this coming up generation - is unprecedented. We will begin to see its effect on our children as they become adults.

Woah...ok, um, "citation needed" for this entire post.

So you think porn tends to help - in general - resolve relationship and other sexual difficulties? Maybe in certain isolated cases, but in general I don't think easy access to different types of porn would help most of these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get more involved with church and church youth groups, or homeschooling?

Why? So the kid can be made afraid and ashamed of normal sexual curiosities and desires? OP - don't do this!

But what you should do is possibly add additional protections on the computer (if possible….I'm not an expert), but you're right that it's only a temporary fix. You need to have an open and honest discussion about this with him. Let him know that it is totally normal to be curious, but what he can see on a computer is not the "real" thing and it's not something that is right for him to be watching. He may be young, but he also may be hearing things at school and, goodness knows, kids are certainly exposed to "stuff" at a much younger age then any of us were back in the day. Hopefully, you've already had a few discussion with him about puberty and sex and this will simply be a continuation of the discussion. If you haven't started talking about it then it's most definitely time to start! He should not be made to feel ashamed because that could bite you later on. He has to know that it is normal to be curious and that he can always ask any questions and come to you (or your DH) for those answers. However, he also needs to know that you do not want him doing that and give him good reasons - not just because it's "bad". There are so many reasons why porn is inappropriate - one of the biggest being that it is so misogynist - and he needs to start hearing from you what is ok. Give him a chance to talk with you (and/or your DH). He will probably be a little bit embarrassed, but if you handle yourself with ease then he will feel better about it.

And remember, this is not a one-time conversation. You will be having this conversation over and over again in various forms throughout the next several years!

The depiction in porn is not normal.

how much porn have you watched?
not all porn is bestiality and/or abusive.

It doesn't need to be bestiality or abusive to be ABNORMAL. Porn is always abnormal, fake and a lie in its representation of sex. No one looks like, acts like, sounds like pornography in real life. It has the potential to create dramatic problems between real people as they move through life and attempt to have healthy sexual relationships.

[Anonymous]

Here's a resource -- I REALLY LIKE Amy Lang--I think she's smart, open, honest and opinionated, but okay with her clients also having different opinions. And figuring out how to communicate about these issues with kids.

She's based in Seattle, but also offers live webinars and pay-per-view types of webinars as well as free stuff about talking with kids about all manner of sexuality issues.

Check out:

http://www.birdsandbeesandkids.com/

I think she has a webinar coming up about talking with boys (and girls) about pornography.

[Anonymous]

OP: I discovered that my restrictions on the computer did not affect Chrome and as long as DS used Chrome, nothing was blocked. It also did not allow the the computer to shut off automatically. So even with timers on the computer, my DS could still have it on. Took me a while to figure this out.