If you are one who does NOT want to create a sense of superiority in your AAP accepted child

[Anonymous]

Please let me know what words you've used to explain AAP to him/her. I struggle with this and am not sure how to word this to my child. My child has said nothing so far and knows nothing as far as I know. I don't want to make a big deal about it but don't know how to word it. What did you say?

[Anonymous]

We're in MCPS but I handled it the same way -- by not talking it up. The issue is once they actually begin and are surrounded by all the other kids. Once in the HGC my DC picked up a lot of bragging about how great it was to be in there (but also how great an opportunity it was). Once the "i'm smarter" started in I said, "People who are smart know not to brag about it" and I stick with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're in MCPS but I handled it the same way -- by not talking it up. The issue is once they actually begin and are surrounded by all the other kids. Once in the HGC my DC picked up a lot of bragging about how great it was to be in there (but also how great an opportunity it was). Once the "i'm smarter" started in I said, "People who are smart know not to brag about it" and I stick with that.

Sorry, I didn't answer your question. When he first got accepted I said it was for kids who did well in and enjoyed school, just like kids who do well in baseball join a travel team, etc. and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and it's important to pursue your particular strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're in MCPS but I handled it the same way -- by not talking it up. The issue is once they actually begin and are surrounded by all the other kids. Once in the HGC my DC picked up a lot of bragging about how great it was to be in there (but also how great an opportunity it was). Once the "i'm smarter" started in I said, "People who are smart know not to brag about it" and I stick with that.

Sorry, I didn't answer your question. When he first got accepted I said it was for kids who did well in and enjoyed school, just like kids who do well in baseball join a travel team, etc. and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and it's important to pursue your particular strength.

But let's hope parents and kids realize that kids who are not in AAP (or HGC, etc.) are also students who do well and enjoy school. Just because a child is not in an advanced academic program doesn't mean they aren't good students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're in MCPS but I handled it the same way -- by not talking it up. The issue is once they actually begin and are surrounded by all the other kids. Once in the HGC my DC picked up a lot of bragging about how great it was to be in there (but also how great an opportunity it was). Once the "i'm smarter" started in I said, "People who are smart know not to brag about it" and I stick with that.

Sorry, I didn't answer your question. When he first got accepted I said it was for kids who did well in and enjoyed school, just like kids who do well in baseball join a travel team, etc. and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and it's important to pursue your particular strength.

But let's hope parents and kids realize that kids who are not in AAP (or HGC, etc.) are also students who do well and enjoy school. Just because a child is not in an advanced academic program doesn't mean they aren't good students.

Sorry to be blunt but clearly it's a matter of "above and beyond" not just being a good student. Sorry again, not trying to hurt your feelings, but it's just like saying "everyone is equally good at baseball" when your kid is just good but another kid is excellent.

[Anonymous]

our kid understood already in math that some kids needed more practice and some kids needed more challenge. he knew that he'd been pulled out in a special reading group starting in K. so we explained that they were splitting the kids up in different groups and he'd be in a group that would keep up a faster pace. we said at the same time it didn't mean they were smarter or better or anything like that, just that they learned different. he volunteered that he'd be less bored waiting for the kids to catch up that hadn't learned some stuff yet that he had. I think kids generally get that they split kids up based on where they are to challenge and help them properly.

as an aside, parents can be real jerks about it. I was at 2 kids things in the past week and parents were falling all over themselves to talk about it. I get it, they are proud, but it's annoying. my son also said a kid announced he was in AAP to two full classes of kids. then we talked about how it wasn't something we needed to tell anyone, but he could say he was in the aap class if asked. he volunteered that he thought that kid was bragging and looked really silly and mean saying what he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our kid understood already in math that some kids needed more practice and some kids needed more challenge. he knew that he'd been pulled out in a special reading group starting in K. so we explained that they were splitting the kids up in different groups and he'd be in a group that would keep up a faster pace. we said at the same time it didn't mean they were smarter or better or anything like that, just that they learned different. he volunteered that he'd be less bored waiting for the kids to catch up that hadn't learned some stuff yet that he had. I think kids generally get that they split kids up based on where they are to challenge and help them properly.

as an aside, parents can be real jerks about it. I was at 2 kids things in the past week and parents were falling all over themselves to talk about it. I get it, they are proud, but it's annoying. my son also said a kid announced he was in AAP to two full classes of kids. then we talked about how it wasn't something we needed to tell anyone, but he could say he was in the aap class if asked. he volunteered that he thought that kid was bragging and looked really silly and mean saying what he did.

Same here. I told my DC not to talk about it and if asked, it was no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're in MCPS but I handled it the same way -- by not talking it up. The issue is once they actually begin and are surrounded by all the other kids. Once in the HGC my DC picked up a lot of bragging about how great it was to be in there (but also how great an opportunity it was). Once the "i'm smarter" started in I said, "People who are smart know not to brag about it" and I stick with that.

Sorry, I didn't answer your question. When he first got accepted I said it was for kids who did well in and enjoyed school, just like kids who do well in baseball join a travel team, etc. and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and it's important to pursue your particular strength.

But let's hope parents and kids realize that kids who are not in AAP (or HGC, etc.) are also students who do well and enjoy school. Just because a child is not in an advanced academic program doesn't mean they aren't good students.

Sorry to be blunt but clearly it's a matter of "above and beyond" not just being a good student. Sorry again, not trying to hurt your feelings, but it's just like saying "everyone is equally good at baseball" when your kid is just good but another kid is excellent.

NP here. I have a genius-level IQ and was in gifted education (what it was called back then) for my entire school career. My daughter is in AAP.

I am surprised you're not able to distinguish the difference between being a good student and being naturally very intelligent. Many of the gifted students I went to school with ended up doing less well at higher levels of their schooling/careers because they hadn't established good habits as students (even gifted classes are too easy when you are smarter than the teachers, I speak from experience).

Being a "good student" has more to do with developing effective studying and learning habits that will carry one through later challenges -- when things don't come so easy (and no, I don't mean because the intellectual challenge might be too great, I mean challenges like the overwhelming work burden of some PhD programs or the stresses of launching a startup). Just working on "challenging" material in school is not the same thing as facing a real challenge (I was working on special relativity as my 7th grade science project, and I can tell you, it was easy for me).

There most certainly are non-AAP students who succeed in life at a much higher statistical rate than AAP students. Part of it is not fearing failure as much (some AAP students end up succumbing to this and being paralyzed by fears of not being the "best," therefore never accomplishing anything), part is being humble enough to know when you need to ask for help (again, since this thread is specifically about avoiding a sense of superiority, that can be an issue with AAP kids, whereas those who succeed know that avoiding isolating behaviors and building a supportive network is critical to later success), part is being "hardy" enough to have psychological strategies for dealing with challenges you can't just breeze through (so many gifted colleagues of mine failed there).

[Anonymous]

I've mentioned to my son that he could go to a different school for kids who like "more challenges and more thinking." He wasn't too impressed with that, so he said he wouldn't want to go. But, we will take him to the orientation and make our decision from there. That's all we're saying right now. He doesn't need to know that he's so special and he was selected and other kids weren't. He doesn't need to know the details.

[Anonymous]

DC is at a school where 20-30 kids get identified as AAP eligible every year. No one ever talked about it at school since it isn't a big deal when at least 1/4 of the class gets in. Not one parent ever talks about it either except regarding homework struggles. I have to wonder which schools these are where AAP is discussed so often. We asked our kids if they were ready and interested in more challenging work the following year and if so, they could join the AAP class. We also mentioned that while they may be ready for this class now, others may be ready for it later just like it took them a longer time to learn swim strokes but now they're ready for swim team like the other kids they know who started earlier. We also told them they could leave the program whenever they wanted.

[Anonymous]

DD is in private school, so I told her she was taking a test to help her public school know what class to place her in next year when she attends public school. I think kids in her class have talked about the "test" and "results" because she asked me if I got the results, and I just said that I probably did, but don't remember where it is and don't know how the school will use them (sorry, just a little white lie), and she doesn't know she got in. Regarding the AAP orientation we're attending on Monday, I just told her we're going to an orientation for new 3rd graders at her new school. I really want her to just continue focusing on doing her best and not rely on a perceived status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, I didn't answer your question. When he first got accepted I said it was for kids who did well in and enjoyed school, just like kids who do well in baseball join a travel team, etc. and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and it's important to pursue your particular strength.

This. This is along the lines that we use. My child is not an athlete at all - and we remind him that while he may be great at school, he is not great at baseball (though he tries really hard). I do believe that every person has their own strengths and weaknesses. My child's strength is his intelligence. But he still has several weaknesses. He is by no means any better than the next kid.

[Anonymous]

With my first, we just said it was for kids who learn differently and more quickly. It doesn't take long for the kids to figure out themselves that it is the smart kids who get into AAP. With my second, he already knew from my first that AAP is for smart kids. My third, who is only in K, probably is not right for AAP. My concern is that she will feel less adequate than her siblings who are there. So I'm still very careful about the wording I use in the house when discussing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're in MCPS but I handled it the same way -- by not talking it up. The issue is once they actually begin and are surrounded by all the other kids. Once in the HGC my DC picked up a lot of bragging about how great it was to be in there (but also how great an opportunity it was). Once the "i'm smarter" started in I said, "People who are smart know not to brag about it" and I stick with that.

Sorry, I didn't answer your question. When he first got accepted I said it was for kids who did well in and enjoyed school, just like kids who do well in baseball join a travel team, etc. and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and it's important to pursue your particular strength.

But let's hope parents and kids realize that kids who are not in AAP (or HGC, etc.) are also students who do well and enjoy school. Just because a child is not in an advanced academic program doesn't mean they aren't good students.

Sorry to be blunt but clearly it's a matter of "above and beyond" not just being a good student. Sorry again, not trying to hurt your feelings, but it's just like saying "everyone is equally good at baseball" when your kid is just good but another kid is excellent.

NP here. I have a genius-level IQ and was in gifted education (what it was called back then) for my entire school career. My daughter is in AAP.

I am surprised you're not able to distinguish the difference between being a good student and being naturally very intelligent. Many of the gifted students I went to school with ended up doing less well at higher levels of their schooling/careers because they hadn't established good habits as students (even gifted classes are too easy when you are smarter than the teachers, I speak from experience).

Being a "good student" has more to do with developing effective studying and learning habits that will carry one through later challenges -- when things don't come so easy (and no, I don't mean because the intellectual challenge might be too great, I mean challenges like the overwhelming work burden of some PhD programs or the stresses of launching a startup). Just working on "challenging" material in school is not the same thing as facing a real challenge (I was working on special relativity as my 7th grade science project, and I can tell you, it was easy for me).

There most certainly are non-AAP students who succeed in life at a much higher statistical rate than AAP students. Part of it is not fearing failure as much (some AAP students end up succumbing to this and being paralyzed by fears of not being the "best," therefore never accomplishing anything), part is being humble enough to know when you need to ask for help (again, since this thread is specifically about avoiding a sense of superiority, that can be an issue with AAP kids, whereas those who succeed know that avoiding isolating behaviors and building a supportive network is critical to later success), part is being "hardy" enough to have psychological strategies for dealing with challenges you can't just breeze through (so many gifted colleagues of mine failed there).

You miss the point. There are good students and intelligent students not in AAP programs. Are you saying that there are arbitrary selections to the AAP programs or do you acknowledge that there are some students who are both highly intelligent AND good in school, and that they are culled from the rest of the school population because they stand out from the rest for those reasons? Or do you think the entire AAP system is BS?

[Anonymous]

My kid knows people have all different strengths and weaknesses. I don't feel a need to hide from her where she has native talents. I also don't feel a need to hide from her where she has natural deficits.

A kid who is an ace soccer player is going to know she's an ace soccer player. She should still demonstrate humility and be able to interact with mere human soccer players (and understand that native talents only get you so far, hard work is still a requirement). Academic strengths are no different.