Just caught my 14 year old kissing the neighbor

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old neighbor had sex with the 16 year old neighbor. It started with them kissing coming home after school. He'd sneak up on the side of her house and before she'd open the garage they would kiss. A few months later they got caught having sex in the 14 year old's pool one night.

Then the shit hit the fan. 14 year old's stepmother left with her two little kids, 14 year old was sent to some girl's reformatory, daddy sold the house.

16 year old was punished with what I call hard labor. He had to mow the lawn, do the landscape, wash the cars, put the trash out to the road, take care of the dog, had an escort to and from school. Lockdown hard. He's 17 now and is still under the punishment.

Probably wouldn't have been so severe either way but it was a black military family and a white military family. Both fathers were high ranking officers. The police were involved. It was damn ugly.

So yes, it starts with an innocent kiss then next thing you know, the families are falling apart. Nip it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it happens again, don't send the neighbor home. This isn't Verona. If you really feel uncomfortable with it, ca,, them into the kitchen after a bit and offer them a cold drink and snacks. Then hang out with them for a time. Don't make a big deal of it.

Too late. Big deal already made.

OP whether you used the guise of family time or not, they know you're freaked out. Go talk to your kid. You're freaking out over something absolutely normal. Kissing doesn't automatically mean sex. TALK to your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree 14 is too young. But not all kids go from kissing to sex right away.

This! My first kiss was in 7th grade and went on to do tons of kissing in high school. I lost my virginity in 12th and only after I was with the guy for awhile. Most normal kids don't go from kissing to sex that quickly.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the kissing part is totally normal for a 14 year old, however I do somewhat understand your concern over the age, especially if your 14 year old is in middle school. I have a 16 year old son and I'd be really really surprised if he was kissing a 14 year old middle school girl. Sure, 2 years when you are an adult or even an older teen isn't a big deal but the younger you are the more concerning age gaps can be, especially if one kid is in middle school and one in high school.

With that said, I think freaking out is an overreaction and I'm not sure you need to address it at all, other than talking about safe sex, talking about the consequences of having sex at such a young age, making good choices, and providing birth control if needed. My kid was 14 when he was in high school so the age itself doesent necessarily bother me but it's more the difference in grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old neighbor had sex with the 16 year old neighbor. It started with them kissing coming home after school. He'd sneak up on the side of her house and before she'd open the garage they would kiss. A few months later they got caught having sex in the 14 year old's pool one night.

Then the shit hit the fan. 14 year old's stepmother left with her two little kids, 14 year old was sent to some girl's reformatory, daddy sold the house.

16 year old was punished with what I call hard labor. He had to mow the lawn, do the landscape, wash the cars, put the trash out to the road, take care of the dog, had an escort to and from school. Lockdown hard. He's 17 now and is still under the punishment.

Probably wouldn't have been so severe either way but it was a black military family and a white military family. Both fathers were high ranking officers. The police were involved. It was damn ugly.

So yes, it starts with an innocent kiss then next thing you know, the families are falling apart. Nip it now.

You call that hard labor? I call it chores, contributing to the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old neighbor had sex with the 16 year old neighbor. It started with them kissing coming home after school. He'd sneak up on the side of her house and before she'd open the garage they would kiss. A few months later they got caught having sex in the 14 year old's pool one night.

Then the shit hit the fan. 14 year old's stepmother left with her two little kids, 14 year old was sent to some girl's reformatory, daddy sold the house.

16 year old was punished with what I call hard labor. He had to mow the lawn, do the landscape, wash the cars, put the trash out to the road, take care of the dog, had an escort to and from school. Lockdown hard. He's 17 now and is still under the punishment.

Probably wouldn't have been so severe either way but it was a black military family and a white military family. Both fathers were high ranking officers. The police were involved. It was damn ugly.

So yes, it starts with an innocent kiss then next thing you know, the families are falling apart. Nip it now.

WTF? That's completely insane, and there's no way there aren't some totally screwed-up family dynamics underlying that scenario. In any case, it sure as Hell isn't representative of most peoples' experiences or reactions, so maybe don't hold it up as a cautionary tale, ok?

[Anonymous]

Normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child is a girl, I'd start birth control soon.

If he's a boy, I'd give him condoms even sooner.

The Planned Parenthood answer to everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child is a girl, I'd start birth control soon.

If he's a boy, I'd give him condoms even sooner.

The Planned Parenthood answer to everything.

Would you prefer she get pregnant? Or he get an STD? Teaching young teens how to prevent these things is the only solution. If you hate abortion, you should be leading the charge for comprehensive sex ed and easy access to birth control. It is the ONLY thing shown to prevent unwanted pregnancies and thus abortions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is my child is 14 and the other child is 16. I find that inappropriate enough.

The other concern as pps have hinted at is my child becoming sexually active. 14 is far too young for that.

I agree, it would be hard to see my child start to kiss other. It would be hard to know that my child is sexually active. But, if I just wallow in it being hard to comprehend and deal with then I would be naive. Make sure you are talking to your child about sex and safe sex and being someone your child can trust. If you can't be that person, find a responsible adult in your lives that can be that person for them (aunt, uncle, etc.)

You didn't kiss anyone when you were 14?

[Anonymous]

Aww this is kind of sad. I have fond memories of my first sweet kisses. 14 is not too young. I would focus more on teaching her about what kind of men she should and shouldn't date and how she should always stand up for herself and what she wants. Show her what good men are like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old neighbor had sex with the 16 year old neighbor. It started with them kissing coming home after school. He'd sneak up on the side of her house and before she'd open the garage they would kiss. A few months later they got caught having sex in the 14 year old's pool one night.

Then the shit hit the fan. 14 year old's stepmother left with her two little kids, 14 year old was sent to some girl's reformatory, daddy sold the house.

16 year old was punished with what I call hard labor. He had to mow the lawn, do the landscape, wash the cars, put the trash out to the road, take care of the dog, had an escort to and from school. Lockdown hard. He's 17 now and is still under the punishment.

Probably wouldn't have been so severe either way but it was a black military family and a white military family. Both fathers were high ranking officers. The police were involved. It was damn ugly.

So yes, it starts with an innocent kiss then next thing you know, the families are falling apart. Nip it now.

Dafuq? It seems as if the issue was race-mixing. Seriously f-upped families.

[Anonymous]

The only issue that I see is you! You are setting your kid up for great failures in life if you don't allow them to date naturally.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was about a young boy kissing neighbor's wife...

Two kids - 14 and 16 - I don't see what the issue is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently I'm a prude.
I didn't have my first kiss till first year of college.

I didn't freak out on them. I just sent the neighbor home under the guise of it being family time. I sent my child to their room to do stuff as I normally do.

I'm trying hard not to freak out

For the pp that asked my child will be 15 in January.

You clearly did freak out. I'm sure it was obvious. You better put a check on yourself or you are going to give your kid some serious hang ups. 14 is totally normal to be kissing. And, 2 years older is standard. If you grew up in this country, you are way out of the normal range. It sounds as if you may have grown up in a country that retains a lot of gender inequality; is that right?