Discipline for bad grades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - for what it is worth, some kids do better with the discipline that a sport provides.

I would also stop looking at results and stop looking at process. The real issue you face is missed work. That has to stop. I would take away a lot of autonomy. Make basketball tryouts contingent on working with you to keep a perfect agenda of up and coming assignments. You can use google docs, a pad of paper, myhomeworkapp.com or whatever works. Then you work with

The schools demand a ridiculous amount of skill to handle all the assignments coming at kids in seven different ways (paper, blackboard, google calendar, google classroom, and probably something else as well), through three different logins (blackboard, the school district, google classroom, and maybe something else), at random times (test reviews posted on the weekend??), on paper (handouts?), or yelled to the kids as they walk out the door. At least for my kid (who has a good work ethic), it is just too much. When left unassisted, he loses track and eventually falls into an abyss. With assistance, he stays on track, does his work unaided, and is a pleasure to live with.

Interesting. New to FCPS, it was months before we knew there was information posted on 24/7 system that was crucial to studying. Our HS DS (bright/ good student) didn't know about any of it and teachers exasperated with apparent indifference from bright kid. Clearly he needs some organizational work, but not sure best way to support integration of, as you say, info coming from 10 directions. Trying not to be held parents and having kid figure it out, but there's too much missing work that kid would have done, if he was able to keep track of assignments. Not blaming school. Trying to support kid. Yep. Electronics banned school evenings now.

I agree with the PP--I think it is a mistake to take away sports. Exercise is just as important for the body as education is for the mind. Plus, there are so many lessons that can be learned through participation in a sport--the way hard work can pay off, teamwork, discipline, timeliness, etc.

The process is the problem here. Your kid has proved that right now he cannot manage his schoolwork on his own. That means he needs assistance with the process. Every night, have him check homework on blackboard and make a list of the assignments. Every night, have him sit down in a quiet but public place (so you can keep an eye on him) so he can complete his assignments. Every night, check to see that his work is completed. Once a week or so, have him check his grades on line so he (and you) can check that work was indeed received and graded by his teachers.

I won't lie, this is a huge PITA and it's where a lot of parents (IMO) throw in the towel. But this is what is needed. After a while, this becomes routine for your kid, which is what you want for him going forward. This kind of executive planning/project & process management is a life skill that will serve him well for the rest of his educational career and into his working life.

Let him play basketball, but tell him that taking on an extracurricular will require MORE attention to schedule/planning, not less, so you will need to help him manage his time and schoolwork until he shows that he can manage on his own. Make basketball contingent not on his grades but on a reasonable level of cooperation with your micromanaging him for a while until he shows that he can manage himself.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and totally disagree with the approach of no basketball. The disciple of basketball might help him gain confidence and structure his time better. Help him focus at home by removing electronic devices during dedicated homework time. Do not punish him for interim grades - he still has time to bring things up. Remind him he needs a minimum GPA to keep playing by the end of the quarter. Since some of this is a homework completion issue, structure has a bit more at first maybe. But let him try and give him this responsibility. He hasn't failed. Give him a chance to show how much he wants this.

[Anonymous]

I vote no video games/phone before no basketball. Being on a team is good exercise, cameraderie, team work, discipline, Etc. video games are good for not much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - for what it is worth, some kids do better with the discipline that a sport provides.

I would also stop looking at results and stop looking at process. The real issue you face is missed work. That has to stop. I would take away a lot of autonomy. Make basketball tryouts contingent on working with you to keep a perfect agenda of up and coming assignments. You can use google docs, a pad of paper, myhomeworkapp.com or whatever works. Then you work with

The schools demand a ridiculous amount of skill to handle all the assignments coming at kids in seven different ways (paper, blackboard, google calendar, google classroom, and probably something else as well), through three different logins (blackboard, the school district, google classroom, and maybe something else), at random times (test reviews posted on the weekend??), on paper (handouts?), or yelled to the kids as they walk out the door. At least for my kid (who has a good work ethic), it is just too much. When left unassisted, he loses track and eventually falls into an abyss. With assistance, he stays on track, does his work unaided, and is a pleasure to live with.

Interesting. New to FCPS, it was months before we knew there was information posted on 24/7 system that was crucial to studying. Our HS DS (bright/ good student) didn't know about any of it and teachers exasperated with apparent indifference from bright kid. Clearly he needs some organizational work, but not sure best way to support integration of, as you say, info coming from 10 directions. Trying not to be held parents and having kid figure it out, but there's too much missing work that kid would have done, if he was able to keep track of assignments. Not blaming school. Trying to support kid. Yep. Electronics banned school evenings now.

Im the PP. We didn't know about some of this, too, when my son hit middle school. I know what you mean about helicoptering, but it isn't helicoptering if you hold you child's hand firmly when teaching a kid to cross the street and this is the same. Choose methods appropriate for where your kid is, even if it is behind where the school wants them to be. don't ask your kid to figure it out on his own when that school asks too much (and too much means too much for the kid you got). Instead, teach him you have his back. Also, teach him how to write appropriate emails to teachers. It really matters when you are looking for assistance, but kids don't know how to do this.

It is very common to hire tutors for organizational skills. These schools are very big, very chaotic, and very unforgiving places.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of a child with ADHD and LD, I'm always skeptical of "lazy" or "doesn't try hard enough" since those are the first and easiest things thrown out even when the child is already trying harder than other kids. What the kid usually needs is help finding a better WAY of doing things. Things like having a "turn in" folder, set interruption-free homework time, etc.

Organizational skills, time management, and homework skills are critical the higher he goes in education and in the working world. Some kids are able to kind of figure it out and a bright kid can get good grades most of the time even with poor skills in this area, but, speaking from experience, it eventually catches up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a child with ADHD and LD, I'm always skeptical of "lazy" or "doesn't try hard enough" since those are the first and easiest things thrown out even when the child is already trying harder than other kids. What the kid usually needs is help finding a better WAY of doing things. Things like having a "turn in" folder, set interruption-free homework time, etc.

Organizational skills, time management, and homework skills are critical the higher he goes in education and in the working world. Some kids are able to kind of figure it out and a bright kid can get good grades most of the time even with poor skills in this area, but, speaking from experience, it eventually catches up.

I have an ADHD child too. Before she was diagnosed, we punished her, took away the electronics, called her lazy and unmotivated. We bribed her with money and with all sorts of other rewards for good grades.
None of that worked. It was the wrong approach and it strained our relationship.

Then we focused on the process on how she can get more organized. I do agree that blackboard/SIS/Google docs are just so confusing and totally overwhelming even for someone like me with good organizational skills.

OP, look up Executive Functioning Skills. FCPS is moving towards bringing more awareness to this.

Punishment just isn't the answer. Discipline shouldn't mean punishment, discipline could be you teaching and supporting your child on how he can acquire better organizational skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for ideas of appropriate discipline for bad grades. I have a 8th grade boy who currently has 2 Cs and 1 D. When looking at his grades, they suffer mostly because of incomplete homework and not doing well on quizzes. I feel that he is capable of better grades. But he just is not interested or lazy. In the past, we have punished him by taking away video games and his phone. But I'm not sure if that is effective anymore. He is trying out for his school basketball team and I am thinking about telling him he can't play until his grades come up. I'm concerned his grades will suffer even more with practices everyday after school. What have other parents done in this situation? Thanks.

Are you in MCPS? My son has ADHD and had similar problems (he does have an IEP). He most defiantly can not participate in Crew if he carries a D in a class. He currently has As because he is in Resource class. The Teachers, and I, and my son, developed a system of checks and double checks that helped him succeed and that class if the key to his success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am looking for ideas of appropriate discipline for bad grades. I have a 8th grade boy who currently has 2 Cs and 1 D. When looking at his grades, they suffer mostly because of incomplete homework and not doing well on quizzes. I feel that he is capable of better grades. But he just is not interested or lazy. In the past, we have punished him by taking away video games and his phone. But I'm not sure if that is effective anymore. He is trying out for his school basketball team and I am thinking about telling him he can't play until his grades come up. I'm concerned his grades will suffer even more with practices everyday after school. What have other parents done in this situation? Thanks.

He needs to talk to the coach, asap. The coach will *not* be happy to find out about the grades just in time to bench him for the rest of the season or kick him off the team. If you can talk to the coach beforehand, the coach might be able to get through to your son and show him reasons why it's important, in a way that a preteen/teen boy won't want to hear from his parent.

As to punishment, perhaps something as simple as proving that he's done with homework and studying for quizzes before you are available for rides anywhere other than school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some won't agree with this approach, but we incentived all the grades on the report card. What can I say...I have a kid for whom cash money makes an impact.

A =$20
B= $0
C= You owe me $5
D = You owe me $10
E = You owe me $20

Why didn't you give any money for a "B"? That seems odd to me, and puts more pressure on a child than there should be.

For the record, I don't agree with financial incentives for good grades. If you are thinking long term when a child gets to college, one is under pressure and the potential incentive would be scholarships and/or grants.

[Anonymous]

don't punish!!! help him figure out why these things are happening and reward improvement. Maybe tutor, maybe organization coach, maybe set aside homework hour each night that you can help,

[Anonymous]

could he have adhd and it hasn't been diagnosed because he is naturally very smart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some won't agree with this approach, but we incentived all the grades on the report card. What can I say...I have a kid for whom cash money makes an impact.

A =$20
B= $0
C= You owe me $5
D = You owe me $10
E = You owe me $20

Why didn't you give any money for a "B"? That seems odd to me, and puts more pressure on a child than there should be.

For the record, I don't agree with financial incentives for good grades. If you are thinking long term when a child gets to college, one is under pressure and the potential incentive would be scholarships and/or grants.

Thanks for asking, and it's a good question. The reason we didn't is because this particular kid has no problem earning Bs. We're not rewarding doing what you are normally capable of without much effort.