Discipline for bad grades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just went through this with my 7th grader. We took a remedial, rather than punitive approach. We instituted a rule that there would be no media on weeknights. 7-9 is homework time every night. We sat down with him and reviewed the work every night. We reminded him to turn it in the morning. We asked him if he turned it at night. His dad did math tutoring two nights a week.

After a couple of weeks of that, he was sick of us helping him and got down to doing enough to bring his grades up.

This is similar to what I've done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just went through this with my 7th grader. We took a remedial, rather than punitive approach. We instituted a rule that there would be no media on weeknights. 7-9 is homework time every night. We sat down with him and reviewed the work every night. We reminded him to turn it in the morning. We asked him if he turned it at night. His dad did math tutoring two nights a week.

After a couple of weeks of that, he was sick of us helping him and got down to doing enough to bring his grades up.

This is similar to what I've done.

We do this as well. Our kids don't have a lot of extra-curriculars but we do not restrict the ones they have. They benefit from them although in different ways than school.

[Anonymous]

Our middle schooler does *much* better in school when she has a load of extracurriculars. She played a sport and was in a theater production in the fall and got straight As. As soon as all the action stopped, she had too much time on her hands and her grades dropped substantially. She identified the issue herself and we are putting strategies in place to get through the winter. In your place, I would not take basketball off the table.

[Anonymous]

I think if you and DH have a chat together with your son and point out that he can do the subject work and that if he has things he wants to do with your support, then you have the expectation that he will do his best in his school work. The ideas outlined about having a set time for homework, no media on weeknights or at least during a time frame until homework is done makes sense. Also to to layout expectations on sleep hours because sports can be draining and possibly the need for more study time on the weekends during testing periods. This is a good time to talk about and have him start to learn that responsible actions do have their rewards and conversely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like positive incentives work better than negative ones. Also so much depends on the kid, but is this a kid who needs to get physical exercise to decompress? Is basketball one of several activities or is it the one thing he really loves? In either of those cases, I would say that not letting him play is a negative thing.

I have a child who gets easily As and we don't bring it up other than saying well done.
It would totally routine her character if she got money for it. We praise hard work and perseverance not natural giftedness.
You need to find out what motivates your kid and praise all their accomplishments if they worked hard for it.
Love and nurture the child you have not the child you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like positive incentives work better than negative ones. Also so much depends on the kid, but is this a kid who needs to get physical exercise to decompress? Is basketball one of several activities or is it the one thing he really loves? In either of those cases, I would say that not letting him play is a negative thing.

I have a child who gets easily As and we don't bring it up other than saying well done.
It would totally routine her character if she got money for it. We praise hard work and perseverance not natural giftedness.
You need to find out what motivates your kid and praise all their accomplishments if they worked hard for it.
Love and nurture the child you have not the child you want.

By your own admission, your child easily gets A's, so what hard work is there to praise? We struggle with a 14 year old who has executive function problems. Does the work but may or may not turn it in. It is frustrating seeing the child earn a B-, not an A because work that has been completed is not submitted. Of course, we love and nature the child-but we also want to help him be successful as well.

[Anonymous]

I think that you need to find his currency. It might be no basketball, it might be money, you know what motivates him.

For my kids, I'd be hesitant to remove basketball, because I think that sports can teach a lot of great lessons about resilience and the value of hard work. The other kids on the team are also going to be balancing schoolwork and the sport and he might be motivated by his peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just went through this with my 7th grader. We took a remedial, rather than punitive approach. We instituted a rule that there would be no media on weeknights. 7-9 is homework time every night. We sat down with him and reviewed the work every night. We reminded him to turn it in the morning. We asked him if he turned it at night. His dad did math tutoring two nights a week.

After a couple of weeks of that, he was sick of us helping him and got down to doing enough to bring his grades up.

This is similar to what I've done.

Ditto.

I don't take away sports or arts since I feel they are important parts of learning and development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just went through this with my 7th grader. We took a remedial, rather than punitive approach. We instituted a rule that there would be no media on weeknights. 7-9 is homework time every night. We sat down with him and reviewed the work every night. We reminded him to turn it in the morning. We asked him if he turned it at night. His dad did math tutoring two nights a week.

After a couple of weeks of that, he was sick of us helping him and got down to doing enough to bring his grades up.

This is similar to what I've done.

+1

Does he know how to study? Does he really know, understand and complete the process of class>classwork>homework>turn in>grade?

Sounds silly - but my mom missed the boat on this one. I was naturally gifted, so I got a few Bs instead of all As. But one semester I got a D on a progress report in high school - she never stopped to think about what caused the D. She instituted a punishment that 20 years later I still think was wrong. I remember getting in trouble in school for not doing my homeowork in *2nd* grade.

I have a great mom - I am still perplexed that she NEVER realized I wasn't doing my homework. I guess the grades fooled her...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just went through this with my 7th grader. We took a remedial, rather than punitive approach. We instituted a rule that there would be no media on weeknights. 7-9 is homework time every night. We sat down with him and reviewed the work every night. We reminded him to turn it in the morning. We asked him if he turned it at night. His dad did math tutoring two nights a week.

After a couple of weeks of that, he was sick of us helping him and got down to doing enough to bring his grades up.

This is similar to what I've done.

+1

Does he know how to study? Does he really know, understand and complete the process of class>classwork>homework>turn in>grade?

Sounds silly - but my mom missed the boat on this one. I was naturally gifted, so I got a few Bs instead of all As. But one semester I got a D on a progress report in high school - she never stopped to think about what caused the D. She instituted a punishment that 20 years later I still think was wrong. I remember getting in trouble in school for not doing my homeowork in *2nd* grade.

I have a great mom - I am still perplexed that she NEVER realized I wasn't doing my homework. I guess the grades fooled her...

Unfortunately, now homework is weighted significantly my son, who aces assesments has nearly failed a term because of it.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is please do no punish your son. There has to be intrinsic motivation to do better, there just has to be.

In five years, your 8th grader will be struggling in my college class for the necessary motivation to achieve and learn, or will come crying to me because his mother and father will be mad he is not getting an A.

http://7mindsets.com/intrinsic-motivation/

[Anonymous]

For how long did you take away video games and his phone? (Video games would be hard to monitor- he can always play those at a friend's or neighbor's house). I ask because I'm a high school teacher, and taking away the phone and any other form of wasting time (computer, video games) is my #1 recommendation for parents whose children are not working up to their potential. But I think it would have to be for a significant amount of time to really make an impact. Sounds like he needs time to form good work habits- so I'd start with one month of no phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - for what it is worth, some kids do better with the discipline that a sport provides.

I would also stop looking at results and stop looking at process. The real issue you face is missed work. That has to stop. I would take away a lot of autonomy. Make basketball tryouts contingent on working with you to keep a perfect agenda of up and coming assignments. You can use google docs, a pad of paper, myhomeworkapp.com or whatever works. Then you work with him without yelling to get the work in and to check that he does it. Studying, too. The grades should improve, and if they don't you have a different problem, anyway.

The schools demand a ridiculous amount of skill to handle all the assignments coming at kids in seven different ways (paper, blackboard, google calendar, google classroom, and probably something else as well), through three different logins (blackboard, the school district, google classroom, and maybe something else), at random times (test reviews posted on the weekend??), on paper (handouts?), or yelled to the kids as they walk out the door. At least for my kid (who has a good work ethic), it is just too much. When left unassisted, he loses track and eventually falls into an abyss. With assistance, he stays on track, does his work unaided, and is a pleasure to live with.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - for what it is worth, some kids do better with the discipline that a sport provides.

I would also stop looking at results and stop looking at process. The real issue you face is missed work. That has to stop. I would take away a lot of autonomy. Make basketball tryouts contingent on working with you to keep a perfect agenda of up and coming assignments. You can use google docs, a pad of paper, myhomeworkapp.com or whatever works. Then you work with

The schools demand a ridiculous amount of skill to handle all the assignments coming at kids in seven different ways (paper, blackboard, google calendar, google classroom, and probably something else as well), through three different logins (blackboard, the school district, google classroom, and maybe something else), at random times (test reviews posted on the weekend??), on paper (handouts?), or yelled to the kids as they walk out the door. At least for my kid (who has a good work ethic), it is just too much. When left unassisted, he loses track and eventually falls into an abyss. With assistance, he stays on track, does his work unaided, and is a pleasure to live with.

Interesting. New to FCPS, it was months before we knew there was information posted on 24/7 system that was crucial to studying. Our HS DS (bright/ good student) didn't know about any of it and teachers exasperated with apparent indifference from bright kid. Clearly he needs some organizational work, but not sure best way to support integration of, as you say, info coming from 10 directions. Trying not to be held parents and having kid figure it out, but there's too much missing work that kid would have done, if he was able to keep track of assignments. Not blaming school. Trying to support kid. Yep. Electronics banned school evenings now.

[Anonymous]

Helicopter^ not held