Who do narcissistic parents leave their money to in their will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you spend a second thinking about this?

My narcissistic mother could leave her stuff to Elon Musk and I couldn't care less.

Probably not worth pursuing this line but if I were to guess it will be to my “perfect” golden child sister who is incapable of holding down a job, maintaining friendships, or staying in a marriage or romantic relationship… no kids, no ability to self regulate or capacity for self reflection. Very sad my parents have enabled and empowered her to where she is now. I would happily forfeit the ability to clean out my mom’s house full of belongings she’s hoarded and any inheritance for the happy, stable, drama free life that I live as a result of being semi-estranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My expectations is that my parents will do zero estate planning and leave a massive financial mess for us to unwind and sort out. There won't be enough money left to punish or play favorites, so they'll just leave a disaster.

+1 Also oh no please don’t disinherit me over your old junky cars and “collections,” that would just be the worst. How shall I ever recover.

[Anonymous]

We are going through this right now. NPD FIL gave password to his accounts to the BPD BIL to spite us. Did not leave a will. BIL is an addict and psychopath.

Now, we have to untangle the mess and challenge him in courts. In his last years, FIL did not even know what he was signing and BPD is out of control.

Good times!

They are horrible people and they will harm you from the grave if they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am estranged from my mother and am totally fine knowing I will not be an heir. I assume she will give to her favorite charities. I’m just curious about others’ experiences. Did your narc parent viciously disinherit you by name and you heard this at the reading of the will, or were you simply omitted or were you surprised to inherit after all?

If they are bitter and spiteful, that parent would leave most of their money and/or desirable possessions to whomever most resembles their "good" image - see: splitting; or if they are especially spiteful and bitter, an outside entity.

Most people in life want to die and leave whatever they have left to the good part of themselves during their life. This is not splitting. This is simply having some self esteem and goals.

[Anonymous]

Not to the survivors who have gray rocked them or are out of their reach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am estranged from my mother and am totally fine knowing I will not be an heir. I assume she will give to her favorite charities. I’m just curious about others’ experiences. Did your narc parent viciously disinherit you by name and you heard this at the reading of the will, or were you simply omitted or were you surprised to inherit after all?

If they are bitter and spiteful, that parent would leave most of their money and/or desirable possessions to whomever most resembles their "good" image - see: splitting; or if they are especially spiteful and bitter, an outside entity.

Most people in life want to die and leave whatever they have left to the good part of themselves during their life. This is not splitting. This is simply having some self esteem and goals.

They are already dying. That's the negative part of the act. It's already built in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to the survivors who have gray rocked them or are out of their reach.

Then you were never meant to inherit. You would despise it anyway as its tainted. You were meant to separate and get free from abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave most of it to a neighbor who was like a daughter to her.

lol.

If my narcissistic mother did this, she’d leave it to an employee at a business she patronizes that is roughly my age.

As it is, I won’t know until she dies and no one contacts me. She’s surrounded by people who can’t wait for a piece of her because they flatter her and feed her narcissism for free stuff. It’s sad, but I can’t save her from herself.

[Anonymous]

They either leave it all to the latest wife who took care of them in old age or more commonly the divide it unevenly among their children (or disinherit one entirely) based on a perception of who treated them best/served them the most faithfully. Often this is not actually the best child but rather the most manipulative exploitative one(s).

It’s all there in King Lear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My narcissistic child who is one of the children estranged themselves from both patents because he was yelled at growing up and thinks that is horrendous abuse has addictions and can't stay in a relationship. Also major mental health issues genetically passed down that he's had his entire life. Their sibling is conscientious and has the ability to marry and have children. I plan on leaving the house and one retirement fund to the non narcissistic child and a retirement fund to the narcissistic one that will likely squander the money. They aren't getting the house. They have no need for it and I want to provide for grandchildren as well. I feel that is fair setting up my will unevenly to also give to my future grandchildren.

Don’t do this. You should divide evenly among your biological children and if you don’t trust the dysfunctional child to manage it well, leave it in trust for them with a trustee who is not the golden child sibling. Be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My narcissistic child who is one of the children estranged themselves from both patents because he was yelled at growing up and thinks that is horrendous abuse has addictions and can't stay in a relationship. Also major mental health issues genetically passed down that he's had his entire life. Their sibling is conscientious and has the ability to marry and have children. I plan on leaving the house and one retirement fund to the non narcissistic child and a retirement fund to the narcissistic one that will likely squander the money. They aren't getting the house. They have no need for it and I want to provide for grandchildren as well. I feel that is fair setting up my will unevenly to also give to my future grandchildren.

Don’t do this. You should divide evenly among your biological children and if you don’t trust the dysfunctional child to manage it well, leave it in trust for them with a trustee who is not the golden child sibling. Be better.

Look I'm sorry that you are estranged but if you make this choice and hate your parents and tell everyone how awful they are you have to understand that you also give up money associated with them

I'm also not diving up unevenly. One child will go onto produce offspring. They date and want to marry and have childen or foster or adopt children. They get more money to support them. The house isn't for the other child. It's for the grandchildren. The other lives on hedonistic pleasures cheating with multiple people. I'm not supporting that. Sorry. What trustee is going to somehow manage how money is spent by the wild child? No one will and the price of a house is not worth all that oversight.

[Anonymous]

And to reiterate I also have two 401k funds of equal value one of which will go to the estranged child to spend in a frivolous manner or for survival. I think this is pretty generous and likely none of thr money will be available anyway because prices are expensive just to survive into old age.

Why do you think you should get someone's extra money they didn't spend if you disowned them as family members? It's bizarre. People can spend all of their inheritance. It's not yours and certainly not yours if you disown them.

Are you giving your inheritance to all the people that hate you or have wronged you?

[Anonymous]

This happens with spouses too. When you leave you leave. With an abuser this is actually safer because then they can use the money or supposed money against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am estranged from my mother and am totally fine knowing I will not be an heir. I assume she will give to her favorite charities. I’m just curious about others’ experiences. Did your narc parent viciously disinherit you by name and you heard this at the reading of the will, or were you simply omitted or were you surprised to inherit after all?

If they are bitter and spiteful, that parent would leave most of their money and/or desirable possessions to whomever most resembles their "good" image - see: splitting; or if they are especially spiteful and bitter, an outside entity.

Most people in life want to die and leave whatever they have left to the good part of themselves during their life. This is not splitting. This is simply having some self esteem and goals.

Are you referring to the golden child, or the person who makes the will?

If you are referring to the golden child, don't expect to have an untarnished legacy, especially by your own grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And to reiterate I also have two 401k funds of equal value one of which will go to the estranged child to spend in a frivolous manner or for survival. I think this is pretty generous and likely none of thr money will be available anyway because prices are expensive just to survive into old age.

Why do you think you should get someone's extra money they didn't spend if you disowned them as family members? It's bizarre. People can spend all of their inheritance. It's not yours and certainly not yours if you disown them.

Are you giving your inheritance to all the people that hate you or have wronged you?

What if you never disowned, hated or wronged them, and they still feel justified in not being fair to you (with money, or not with money)?