anyone regret taking a step back in their career for family?

[Anonymous]

i'm contemplating taking a step back in my career to have more flexibility with my kids and their schedules. i'm having some mixed emotions about it. has anyone done this and regretted it? is it really worth the change in status from a higher up position making more money to a lower level position with more flexibility? in my mind i was thinking of how less stressful it will be but now i'm scared it will hurt my career, less money during a time we need it, and less respected in the workplace by peers. please any thoughts/experiences positive or negative appreciated.

[Anonymous]

No regrets here.

I left a job after DD was born making six figures and I was on a fast escalator up. It sent shockwaves through our finances because all of a sudden our income was cut in half and we had to do some serious scaling of our spending, it really was an uncomfortable adjustment. Everyone was shocked that I did not return after maternity, I think they thought that motherhood would drive me nuts, as I was agressive and passionate about my work. Before I went on leave, they were joking that I would be back in the office after just 4 weeks. However, a year after DD was born they called and asked if I wanted to return (convinced that I was dying in mommie land). I told them sure, but it needs to be from home and part time, only 20hrs a week and furthermore I just wanted a supporting role doing basically a level up from administrative work. I knew the company inside and out, so I figured it would be easy to have a supporting role. They still try to push me to do more, but I just have no desire to jump into the fire. The opportunity is there, always, but I have decided not to exercise it. It has worked out wonderfully. I could not IMAGINE going back to my old 45-50/hr/wk schedule. That would leave me with NO TIME for DD, I would be completely misearble as a FT worker with loads of responsiblity. I also would probably suck now at my old job because frankly I just don't care.

My new role affords me some extra income and also gives me some much needed distraction from the daily grind of kids. However, now that I have reassessed my goals, I have started to slowly go back to school, taking 2 classes a week, and plan to launch a new me, a new career when the kids are in school. I have no desire to climb any sort of ladder at the expense of my sanity, personal time, and health.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. I did the same thing (cut way back on hours/ schedule and even work from home now), after much handwringing and angst over all the issues you mentioned.

Looking back at the time of transition (about 1.5 years ago), it was a little difficult at the time, but now, I wouldn't have it any other way. I simply cannot imagine having to commute to an office every day anymore and sometimes I actually think, "do those people realize how much time they waste every day in the car, on the subway, just taking the time to get completely dressed every morning?"

I think it's like most things in life that involve a big change (marriage/ move/ job change, etc.)... the build up and the "what ifs" are much more dramatic and stressful than the actual deed. We humans have a way of just adapting and, hopefully, making ourselves happy in just about any situation. You are looking at these potential regrets now from the "working" point of view. I bet you'd see it from a whole differnt perspective if you weren't immersed in that every day.

[Anonymous]

No regrets here. Quit my full-time, full speed ahead job and now work part-time, hourly, much more flexibility but no benefits. The career is gone - now it's just a job, but it was the right decision.

[zumbamama]

I did at first. I gave up a glam Socal job to move back home to DC and make things easier on the family for various reasons. I had withdrawals at first, but family life is so much more fulfilling and no more 10 hour work days and through- the-weekend deadlines! Plus I found a second career that I love in DC, that I would've never found in CA.

[Anonymous]

I am honestly having a little bit of a hard time. I had my kids young (24 and 26), so I only had a few years under my belt when I left for 3 years. I've been back at work for almost 2 years and it's been very very difficult getting to the next level. Everyone my age is really starting to come into their own professionally while I sit back and watch. Gratned, when THEY'RE having kids I'll be working full steam ahead, but it's still be hard to deal with. I'm NOT saying I regret staying home. I loved it! But, it's still hard sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I changed jobs from a stressful executive management position to freelance work before I got pregnant. The only thing I regret is that I don't get a lot of adult company working from home, so I have to force myself into situations where I get adult company. I love the flexible schedule now that baby has arrived.

I've had several job offers that I've turned down, so I don't think it has hurt my career. As for money, I had saved up a lot from the stressful job for padding until freelance work became steady. As for respect, I've found that my former coworkers still respect me. I think if you are confident in your decision, you'll still be respected. In my experience, it's self confidence that people respect, not necessarily the job or education or what have you.

[Anonymous]

I quit to SAH, and though I would do the same thing again in my next life, there has been one major downer I should mention as a possibility (not a certainty; depends on your spouse/partner).

My changing role within the household has had an palpable effect on our marriage over time, in that I am not "equal" anymore in the estimation of DH. There's a very long -- and apt, IMO -- thread over in Off-Topic, "SAHM Who Does Nothing All Day." I don't view myself as a deadweight dependent who Does Nothing, but even my self-assuredness in my new role can't overcome DH's views entirely.

I know you didn't say SAH, it's not the same as part-time, but I wanted you remind you to think ahead whether diminution of status could possibly be an issue within your marriage. I believe this totally depends on the personality and values of your sig other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know you didn't say SAH, it's not the same as part-time, but I wanted you remind you to think ahead whether diminution of status could possibly be an issue within your marriage. I believe this totally depends on the personality and values of your sig other.

I totally agree. I'm the one who stayed home and went PT when DD was a year old. My DH was quite the opposite and had a hard time dealing w/DD being in Daycare for the limited time that she is there. He was and still is 100% for me staying home (or someone, but he makes too mucn $$$ to get that role!) and he was all torn up about "someone else raising our child" although that is not he case at all. He grew up with a lifetime SAHM, so for him a mom being home is what he considers "normal" and "responsible" child rearing. However, he does not complain about the extra income I now bring in and has a lot of fun spending it on the extras He has also adjusted to daycare and see's how beneficial it has actually been for DD's growth.

[Anonymous]

I gave up my career completely...and that not only includes the prestige, experience, and my historical knowledge (I have to admit, I kept one of my business cards to remind me that I was really good at something pre-baby, but threw the rest out), but also the paycheck.

I don't regret it now, though. I can't put a price tag on raising my DD (her little babbling voice, her smile when she she needs to be "rescued" from her crib, her discovery of how a book opens and closes, etc.).

[Anonymous]

No regrets!!! I have my whole life to work, and only a few precious fleeting years to spend with my children.

I know I'm so lucky to be able to do this, and I treasure this time. In just two years, my children will both be at school full-time. Time flies and you can never get it back.

So, no regrets here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No regrets!!! I have my whole life to work, and only a few precious fleeting years to spend with my children.

I know I'm so lucky to be able to do this, and I treasure this time. In just two years, my children will both be at school full-time. Time flies and you can never get it back.

So, no regrets here!

exaclty my thoughts too. no regrets. I can always go back to work, can not bring the childhood back which I so dearly love.

[Anonymous]

No regrets here either. I stayed home for 18 months with my now 2 1/2 boy, and then went back to work because DC is so expensive (my DH and I are both in the non-profit sector, and it will be a while before we get to 6 figures...). Now I'm actually back at work, and although my hours are totally decent for a full time job (9 to 4, pretty good), I hate it and miss being home so much. I'm pregnant and we're actually thinking of taking an overseas post so that I can stay home with #2, that's how precious time with your little one is. As one PP stated, you only have a few years before they go fulltime to school.
Good luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

regret isn't the right word......maybe sad that as much as things have changed they haven't changed that much and there is always a trade off.

I still love my job but it is hard to see people that I've trained speeding ahead and I am treading water.

I also agree with previous poster-depends on the sig other but somehow I get stuck with all of the drudgery and have had to off-ramp while he gets to have a career.

love my kid-just not the situation....I'd much rather wave good-bye to him in the morning.

[Anonymous]

I would like to hear from someone with a teenager or older and see if they have any regrets! We really can't know what taking time off did to our career for many years.