Dating market frustrating me

[Anonymous]

I’m well aware of the concept that your value on the dating market is apparent by the types of men who ask you out and remain interested in second and third dates and that some women (and men) just have unrealistic standards. My issue is that I’m running to an opposites-attract problem, from the guys’ perspective.

I’m an active, athletic, outgoing, and outdoorsy kind of person. I’m attracted to similar men, but they aren’t attracted to me. I seem to attract introverted, “nerdy” men. The typical guy I match with on the dating apps is Asian or South Asian, average to below average height, introverted, works in tech, and plays Dungeons N Dragons, and typically just lets me dominate the conversation. I don’t really care about race or height, but the indoors/introvert is just not my type.
Maybe that’s just the selection that uses dating apps. I’ve also joined a local hiking group but, alas, most of the men are gay or taken. And they are often taken by less athletic and more traditionally feminine women who stay home.

Sometimes I think I just lack the natural feminine grace that desirable women have. I’m not “butch” or anything, I like to wear dresses and heels on occasion… but you know how some women are just naturally feminine and sexy in the way they carry themselves? Their makeup, hairstyle, nails, skin, perfume, mannerisms all just make them perfectly put together… Ive just never had that. I think the vibe I give off is more hippie wild child rather than feminine, maternal, and nurturing.

As a side note to all this, this is why it drives me crazy when people say “just don’t be fat” and you’ll attract men. If all I had was one job to not be fat, I should have men chasing me left and right. Many of these hiker/outdoorsy guys’ wives and girlfriends are curvier and softer looking than me, just more feminine.

Too bad I’m not a lesbian!

[Anonymous]

I am mid 40s and never had this problem. The men you want just may not be attracted to you.

[Anonymous]

If you're an outdoorsy woman why are you not getting involved in outdoor activities that are typical sausage fests. There's lots of outdoorsy men doing outdoorsy things that's love to meet you. Unless what you mean by outdoorsy just means 'i go on a hike once a month''

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m well aware of the concept that your value on the dating market is apparent by the types of men who ask you out and remain interested in second and third dates and that some women (and men) just have unrealistic standards. My issue is that I’m running to an opposites-attract problem, from the guys’ perspective.

I’m an active, athletic, outgoing, and outdoorsy kind of person. I’m attracted to similar men, but they aren’t attracted to me. I seem to attract introverted, “nerdy” men. The typical guy I match with on the dating apps is Asian or South Asian, average to below average height, introverted, works in tech, and plays Dungeons N Dragons, and typically just lets me dominate the conversation. I don’t really care about race or height, but the indoors/introvert is just not my type.
Maybe that’s just the selection that uses dating apps. I’ve also joined a local hiking group but, alas, most of the men are gay or taken. And they are often taken by less athletic and more traditionally feminine women who stay home.

Sometimes I think I just lack the natural feminine grace that desirable women have. I’m not “butch” or anything, I like to wear dresses and heels on occasion… but you know how some women are just naturally feminine and sexy in the way they carry themselves? Their makeup, hairstyle, nails, skin, perfume, mannerisms all just make them perfectly put together… Ive just never had that. I think the vibe I give off is more hippie wild child rather than feminine, maternal, and nurturing.

As a side note to all this, this is why it drives me crazy when people say “just don’t be fat” and you’ll attract men. If all I had was one job to not be fat, I should have men chasing me left and right. Many of these hiker/outdoorsy guys’ wives and girlfriends are curvier and softer looking than me, just more feminine.

Too bad I’m not a lesbian!

Age?

Be outside - all the time, bars, museums, events, lectures go out for every meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner),

Only be inside for sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're an outdoorsy woman why are you not getting involved in outdoor activities that are typical sausage fests. There's lots of outdoorsy men doing outdoorsy things that's love to meet you. Unless what you mean by outdoorsy just means 'i go on a hike once a month''

She means she has it written all over her profile that she is outdoorsy. Men don't even read those! They only look at the pictures.
There is a vibe that the men you want must be looking for.
I really suggest you get offline so you don't keep having bad first dates and find a group to do outdoorsy stuff. Make friends with everyone. Someone will know someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're an outdoorsy woman why are you not getting involved in outdoor activities that are typical sausage fests. There's lots of outdoorsy men doing outdoorsy things that's love to meet you. Unless what you mean by outdoorsy just means 'i go on a hike once a month''

If she was really outdoorsy she wouldn’t be in dc and would’ve moved to Colorado / Utah / Wyoming / Idaho / Oregon / Washington/ California already

[Anonymous]

Are you fat though? Tell us your BMI and we'll tell you what's really going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you fat though? Tell us your BMI and we'll tell you what's really going on.

I don't think Asian men would be into her if she was fat.

[Anonymous]

Not overweight but are you strong and chunky? You said several times that you were not the feminine type? Maybe you are attracted to guys who want the feminine type?

I think if you adjust your dating meter a little bit you will find your guy. Sometimes outdoors guys are really body-focused; try to find someone who is more attracted to the mind (as well as the body).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not overweight but are you strong and chunky? You said several times that you were not the feminine type? Maybe you are attracted to guys who want the feminine type?

I think if you adjust your dating meter a little bit you will find your guy. Sometimes outdoors guys are really body-focused; try to find someone who is more attracted to the mind (as well as the body).

Asian guys won’t swipe right on “strong and chunky” either

I’m guessing she’s closer to 40

Def not under 28

[Anonymous]

Do you lift? I'm a weightlifter and a lot of men who also lift are into that. A lot of them also bike. It will vary whether they're extroverted, tall, etc.

[Anonymous]

The men you want are dating or hooking up with better looking women under 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The men you want are dating or hooking up with better looking women under 25.

I think a lot of these men get taken/married early because all the women want them. I know a lot of the dads around me are like this and they are married to college sweethearts.

[Anonymous]

If you're on the strong and chunky side, you might need to make a slight pivot from the hiking, outdoorsy men to the shotput, caber tossy lads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The men you want are dating or hooking up with better looking women under 25.

I think a lot of these men get taken/married early because all the women want them. I know a lot of the dads around me are like this and they are married to college sweethearts.

That’s the sense I got. They seem to be married to high school or college GFs, who may have been similarly athletic back then but now stay home.