Love DH but he’s low sex drive…considering a business trip affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had a “same time next year” relationship with a guy for eight years. I met him through business and he lives far away and we are very discreet. The few times we talk I’m on an office phone and we don’t text. I got tired of a sexless marriage to a guy who is great except for that. So twice a year I take a business trip and spend two days getting all the physical affection I need. I do wish my husband would treat me the same way but it’s not going to happen.

Honestly, if you see this guy once a year ... you are in a 2nd sexless relationship, basically.

+1 Four days a year? She must store up the satisfaction between rounds.

Wonder if her husband would agree she's "great except for" cheating, if he found out?

Wonder if she ever bothered to press her DH to get a full physical, get his testosterone levels and thyroid levels checked, asked him if he was stressed, asked him what changed from earlier in their marriage, if they were having sex earlier?

[Anonymous]

you sit him down and say, "you won't have sex with me so I'm going to find someone who will."
this will hurt him incredibly. But, you'll be able to go from there. Either he'll, "man up," be ok with it, or want a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had a “same time next year” relationship with a guy for eight years. I met him through business and he lives far away and we are very discreet. The few times we talk I’m on an office phone and we don’t text. I got tired of a sexless marriage to a guy who is great except for that. So twice a year I take a business trip and spend two days getting all the physical affection I need. I do wish my husband would treat me the same way but it’s not going to happen.

Honestly, if you see this guy once a year ... you are in a 2nd sexless relationship, basically.

+1 Four days a year? She must store up the satisfaction between rounds.

Wonder if her husband would agree she's "great except for" cheating, if he found out?

Wonder if she ever bothered to press her DH to get a full physical, get his testosterone levels and thyroid levels checked, asked him if he was stressed, asked him what changed from earlier in their marriage, if they were having sex earlier?

Do you realize that not having sex is a variation of normal? And the guy could be completely happy NOT having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I thought the same thing. My exhusband thought 2 times a week was sexless at 20 years- so he supplemented once a month with some other married ho. They Really did not expect the level of fallout that occurred to two families. All fun and games …

I suspect one reason OP is so willing to entertain this idea is because they seem to be empty nesters so she might think of her kids as unaffected if she gets caught. That's so naive of her; she's happy to risk her adult kids' respect for her. And adult kids, who understand what sex and cheating really mean, actually may be far angrier at a cheating parent than young kids could ever be. She also is arrogant enough she assumes her DH will never find out, her kids will never know, she'll never get caught. And she's using her DH's alcoholism as an excuse to cheat too. But she's already come back to say she's happy about responses which helped her justify her craving to cheat, so she won't ever see this post or think about her adult kids re: her cheating.

I’m an adult and it would not affect my respect and love for my parents one bit if one of them were to cheat. As an adult, I realize there’s more to a marriage than sex. They’ve put in the time; their bodies are their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad cheated on my mom 28 years into marriage. They divorced and I lost so much respect for my dad. I've kept him at arms length at best and totally gone no contact with him for periods up to 5 months at worst. I also severely limit his contact with my kids. I frankly think he's a coward.

My xDh cheated on a business trip and the person turned bunny boiler immediately. She reached out to me and told me everything, we divorced, we lost half of our time with our kids, put the entire family (extended included) through hell, obliterated our finances, kids are in therapy, friends chose sides, a lot of his best friends ghosted him, he left his job and had to get 2 jobs, he lost our dog in the process, he lost himself and his self worth.

All of that chaos and disruption bc your h cheated on you?? Poor kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I thought the same thing. My exhusband thought 2 times a week was sexless at 20 years- so he supplemented once a month with some other married ho. They Really did not expect the level of fallout that occurred to two families. All fun and games …

I suspect one reason OP is so willing to entertain this idea is because they seem to be empty nesters so she might think of her kids as unaffected if she gets caught. That's so naive of her; she's happy to risk her adult kids' respect for her. And adult kids, who understand what sex and cheating really mean, actually may be far angrier at a cheating parent than young kids could ever be. She also is arrogant enough she assumes her DH will never find out, her kids will never know, she'll never get caught. And she's using her DH's alcoholism as an excuse to cheat too. But she's already come back to say she's happy about responses which helped her justify her craving to cheat, so she won't ever see this post or think about her adult kids re: her cheating.

I’m an adult and it would not affect my respect and love for my parents one bit if one of them were to cheat. As an adult, I realize there’s more to a marriage than sex. They’ve put in the time; their bodies are their own.

Betrayal is huge. It would feel like a betrayal to the whole family to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I thought the same thing. My exhusband thought 2 times a week was sexless at 20 years- so he supplemented once a month with some other married ho. They Really did not expect the level of fallout that occurred to two families. All fun and games …

I suspect one reason OP is so willing to entertain this idea is because they seem to be empty nesters so she might think of her kids as unaffected if she gets caught. That's so naive of her; she's happy to risk her adult kids' respect for her. And adult kids, who understand what sex and cheating really mean, actually may be far angrier at a cheating parent than young kids could ever be. She also is arrogant enough she assumes her DH will never find out, her kids will never know, she'll never get caught. And she's using her DH's alcoholism as an excuse to cheat too. But she's already come back to say she's happy about responses which helped her justify her craving to cheat, so she won't ever see this post or think about her adult kids re: her cheating.

A whore is going to whore. She will justify it every which way to Sunday in her mind.

So true. I had to dump a pseudo-friend when it came out that she has had multiple affairs off of AM. Some people just won’t stop. I felt sorry for her husband/kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad cheated on my mom 28 years into marriage. They divorced and I lost so much respect for my dad. I've kept him at arms length at best and totally gone no contact with him for periods up to 5 months at worst. I also severely limit his contact with my kids. I frankly think he's a coward.

My xDh cheated on a business trip and the person turned bunny boiler immediately. She reached out to me and told me everything, we divorced, we lost half of our time with our kids, put the entire family (extended included) through hell, obliterated our finances, kids are in therapy, friends chose sides, a lot of his best friends ghosted him, he left his job and had to get 2 jobs, he lost our dog in the process, he lost himself and his self worth.

All of that chaos and disruption bc your h cheated on you?? Poor kids

And not even for an affair, literally just hooking up at a conference, probably drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I thought the same thing. My exhusband thought 2 times a week was sexless at 20 years- so he supplemented once a month with some other married ho. They Really did not expect the level of fallout that occurred to two families. All fun and games …

I suspect one reason OP is so willing to entertain this idea is because they seem to be empty nesters so she might think of her kids as unaffected if she gets caught. That's so naive of her; she's happy to risk her adult kids' respect for her. And adult kids, who understand what sex and cheating really mean, actually may be far angrier at a cheating parent than young kids could ever be. She also is arrogant enough she assumes her DH will never find out, her kids will never know, she'll never get caught. And she's using her DH's alcoholism as an excuse to cheat too. But she's already come back to say she's happy about responses which helped her justify her craving to cheat, so she won't ever see this post or think about her adult kids re: her cheating.

I’m an adult and it would not affect my respect and love for my parents one bit if one of them were to cheat. As an adult, I realize there’s more to a marriage than sex. They’ve put in the time; their bodies are their own.

Betrayal is huge. It would feel like a betrayal to the whole family to me.

You’re making it weirdly personal. If my mom cheated on my dad, it’d have nothing to do with me whatsoever. If I cheated on my DH, it would have nothing to do with my parents. It’s honestly their personal matter and that’s how I would see it. Boundaries .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I thought the same thing. My exhusband thought 2 times a week was sexless at 20 years- so he supplemented once a month with some other married ho. They Really did not expect the level of fallout that occurred to two families. All fun and games …

I suspect one reason OP is so willing to entertain this idea is because they seem to be empty nesters so she might think of her kids as unaffected if she gets caught. That's so naive of her; she's happy to risk her adult kids' respect for her. And adult kids, who understand what sex and cheating really mean, actually may be far angrier at a cheating parent than young kids could ever be. She also is arrogant enough she assumes her DH will never find out, her kids will never know, she'll never get caught. And she's using her DH's alcoholism as an excuse to cheat too. But she's already come back to say she's happy about responses which helped her justify her craving to cheat, so she won't ever see this post or think about her adult kids re: her cheating.

I’m an adult and it would not affect my respect and love for my parents one bit if one of them were to cheat. As an adult, I realize there’s more to a marriage than sex. They’ve put in the time; their bodies are their own.

Betrayal is huge. It would feel like a betrayal to the whole family to me.

You’re making it weirdly personal. If my mom cheated on my dad, it’d have nothing to do with me whatsoever. If I cheated on my DH, it would have nothing to do with my parents. It’s honestly their personal matter and that’s how I would see it. Boundaries .

Wrong. You can’t determine how your kids would feel. I know too many people that never got over a parent’s affair and it colored what they thought of them.

I’d be very disappointed to learn my child was a cheater in their marriage. They obviously didn’t learn values and I’d feel responsible. If it broke up the grandkids’ home it would be very disappointing.

Cheating runs in families and causes generational trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad cheated on my mom 28 years into marriage. They divorced and I lost so much respect for my dad. I've kept him at arms length at best and totally gone no contact with him for periods up to 5 months at worst. I also severely limit his contact with my kids. I frankly think he's a coward.

My xDh cheated on a business trip and the person turned bunny boiler immediately. She reached out to me and told me everything, we divorced, we lost half of our time with our kids, put the entire family (extended included) through hell, obliterated our finances, kids are in therapy, friends chose sides, a lot of his best friends ghosted him, he left his job and had to get 2 jobs, he lost our dog in the process, he lost himself and his self worth.

All of that chaos and disruption bc your h cheated on you?? Poor kids

And not even for an affair, literally just hooking up at a conference, probably drunk.

Spoken like a true whore with no respect for the marriage or spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I thought the same thing. My exhusband thought 2 times a week was sexless at 20 years- so he supplemented once a month with some other married ho. They Really did not expect the level of fallout that occurred to two families. All fun and games …

I suspect one reason OP is so willing to entertain this idea is because they seem to be empty nesters so she might think of her kids as unaffected if she gets caught. That's so naive of her; she's happy to risk her adult kids' respect for her. And adult kids, who understand what sex and cheating really mean, actually may be far angrier at a cheating parent than young kids could ever be. She also is arrogant enough she assumes her DH will never find out, her kids will never know, she'll never get caught. And she's using her DH's alcoholism as an excuse to cheat too. But she's already come back to say she's happy about responses which helped her justify her craving to cheat, so she won't ever see this post or think about her adult kids re: her cheating.

I'm asking this not to be funny but did your husband tell you he needed it more often? What was your response? I'm just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I thought the same thing. My exhusband thought 2 times a week was sexless at 20 years- so he supplemented once a month with some other married ho. They Really did not expect the level of fallout that occurred to two families. All fun and games …

I suspect one reason OP is so willing to entertain this idea is because they seem to be empty nesters so she might think of her kids as unaffected if she gets caught. That's so naive of her; she's happy to risk her adult kids' respect for her. And adult kids, who understand what sex and cheating really mean, actually may be far angrier at a cheating parent than young kids could ever be. She also is arrogant enough she assumes her DH will never find out, her kids will never know, she'll never get caught. And she's using her DH's alcoholism as an excuse to cheat too. But she's already come back to say she's happy about responses which helped her justify her craving to cheat, so she won't ever see this post or think about her adult kids re: her cheating.

I’m an adult and it would not affect my respect and love for my parents one bit if one of them were to cheat. As an adult, I realize there’s more to a marriage than sex. They’ve put in the time; their bodies are their own.

Betrayal is huge. It would feel like a betrayal to the whole family to me.

You’re making it weirdly personal. If my mom cheated on my dad, it’d have nothing to do with me whatsoever. If I cheated on my DH, it would have nothing to do with my parents. It’s honestly their personal matter and that’s how I would see it. Boundaries .

Wrong. You can’t determine how your kids would feel. I know too many people that never got over a parent’s affair and it colored what they thought of them.

I’d be very disappointed to learn my child was a cheater in their marriage. They obviously didn’t learn values and I’d feel responsible. If it broke up the grandkids’ home it would be very disappointing.

Cheating runs in families and causes generational trauma.

Well I’m a kid to my parent and I know how I would feel. I’m also pretty sure that if I cheated and told my parents, they wouldn’t give a crap. I mean they’d probably wouldn’t approve but our relationship would not change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had a “same time next year” relationship with a guy for eight years. I met him through business and he lives far away and we are very discreet. The few times we talk I’m on an office phone and we don’t text. I got tired of a sexless marriage to a guy who is great except for that. So twice a year I take a business trip and spend two days getting all the physical affection I need. I do wish my husband would treat me the same way but it’s not going to happen.

Honestly, if you see this guy once a year ... you are in a 2nd sexless relationship, basically.

+1 Four days a year? She must store up the satisfaction between rounds.

Wonder if her husband would agree she's "great except for" cheating, if he found out?

Wonder if she ever bothered to press her DH to get a full physical, get his testosterone levels and thyroid levels checked, asked him if he was stressed, asked him what changed from earlier in their marriage, if they were having sex earlier?

Do you realize that not having sex is a variation of normal? And the guy could be completely happy NOT having sex?

Do you realize that your non-answer above is yet another try at justifying cheating? And it doesn't answer the question: Did that PP bother to try working with her husband to find out why he might have lost interest in sex, or did she just shrug and bail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I thought the same thing. My exhusband thought 2 times a week was sexless at 20 years- so he supplemented once a month with some other married ho. They Really did not expect the level of fallout that occurred to two families. All fun and games …

I suspect one reason OP is so willing to entertain this idea is because they seem to be empty nesters so she might think of her kids as unaffected if she gets caught. That's so naive of her; she's happy to risk her adult kids' respect for her. And adult kids, who understand what sex and cheating really mean, actually may be far angrier at a cheating parent than young kids could ever be. She also is arrogant enough she assumes her DH will never find out, her kids will never know, she'll never get caught. And she's using her DH's alcoholism as an excuse to cheat too. But she's already come back to say she's happy about responses which helped her justify her craving to cheat, so she won't ever see this post or think about her adult kids re: her cheating.

I'm asking this not to be funny but did your husband tell you he needed it more often? What was your response? I'm just curious.

?

This reply makes no sense relative to my post. The post to which you're replying is entirely about the OP's situation. Not about me. Maybe you meant to reply to some other post instead.