College student floundering re how to find a summer internship or job

[Anonymous]

Wants something other than retail or barista type position, but seems not to really know how to go about it. I could get involved and help, both by identifying opportunities and helping kid craft applications, and by reaching out to my own networks. But maybe better to just let DC flounder and hopefully figure it out? DC is very smart but has ADHD, and really struggles to get it together to do the research, get applications in, etc.

[Anonymous]

This is an area in which parents absolutely can help. I would help your dc in all ways.

[Anonymous]

The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.




I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

[Anonymous]

We’ve been trying to help our kids and not finding much, apparently we don’t have the right friends. DS has send out tons of applications through the college but nothing has come up yet.

[Anonymous]

Do not let them flounder! In my experience working, it looks bad when candidates don’t go straight from school to working (taking barista jobs for instance)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been trying to help our kids and not finding much, apparently we don’t have the right friends. DS has send out tons of applications through the college but nothing has come up yet.

Honestly, our family didn't have any connections, but worked the career office and made it work. For one kid, it did mean one summer of free labor to a small firm (remote, during the pandemic). He also worked on the skills he was going to need for the job he hoped to have (quantitative).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.


I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

I am not disagreeing with this...although it is a bit over-the-top. My parents had nothing and I managed to do quite well. I frankly don't respect many of my peers that literally cannot support their current lifestyle without significant annual parental contributions. They have a very strange, unhealthy dynamic where their parents are just as involved as they in where they are buying a house, what private school they are sending their kids. I don't know any where the wealthy parent just writes them a check and hopes for the best.

I have connections for my college Freshman for an internship...but my kid's own connections are actually 10x better for what my kid wants to do and my kid secured a fantastic summer internship through zero help from me.

[Anonymous]

I have an ADHD kid who can be a little shy at times.

I've received two generous offers of introductions after people asked me what my college kid is studying. I would love for DC to have these conversations but they just won't do it.

The best approach would be to warm up relationships now and start meeting people, but DC still needs to mature before they will be ready to do that.

So, OP, I would also think about warming up relationships for the future as well as for the immediate need you all have now. The best time to reach out to people is when you don't immediately need something from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.


I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

I am not disagreeing with this...although it is a bit over-the-top. My parents had nothing and I managed to do quite well. I frankly don't respect many of my peers that literally cannot support their current lifestyle without significant annual parental contributions. They have a very strange, unhealthy dynamic where their parents are just as involved as they in where they are buying a house, what private school they are sending their kids. I don't know any where the wealthy parent just writes them a check and hopes for the best.

I have connections for my college Freshman for an internship...but my kid's own connections are actually 10x better for what my kid wants to do and my kid secured a fantastic summer internship through zero help from me.

I would rather have the help than your respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.


I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

I am not disagreeing with this...although it is a bit over-the-top. My parents had nothing and I managed to do quite well. I frankly don't respect many of my peers that literally cannot support their current lifestyle without significant annual parental contributions. They have a very strange, unhealthy dynamic where their parents are just as involved as they in where they are buying a house, what private school they are sending their kids. I don't know any where the wealthy parent just writes them a check and hopes for the best.

I have connections for my college Freshman for an internship...but my kid's own connections are actually 10x better for what my kid wants to do and my kid secured a fantastic summer internship through zero help from me.

I would rather have the help than your respect.

Sorry, you aren't able to make your own way in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.


I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

I am not disagreeing with this...although it is a bit over-the-top. My parents had nothing and I managed to do quite well. I frankly don't respect many of my peers that literally cannot support their current lifestyle without significant annual parental contributions. They have a very strange, unhealthy dynamic where their parents are just as involved as they in where they are buying a house, what private school they are sending their kids. I don't know any where the wealthy parent just writes them a check and hopes for the best.

I have connections for my college Freshman for an internship...but my kid's own connections are actually 10x better for what my kid wants to do and my kid secured a fantastic summer internship through zero help from me.

I would rather have the help than your respect.

Totally. I will always help my kid. Sorry for the PP that was on her own.
Help your kid OP! You can help search for jobs, resume reviews, and applications. Help with everything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.


I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

I am not disagreeing with this...although it is a bit over-the-top. My parents had nothing and I managed to do quite well. I frankly don't respect many of my peers that literally cannot support their current lifestyle without significant annual parental contributions. They have a very strange, unhealthy dynamic where their parents are just as involved as they in where they are buying a house, what private school they are sending their kids. I don't know any where the wealthy parent just writes them a check and hopes for the best.

I have connections for my college Freshman for an internship...but my kid's own connections are actually 10x better for what my kid wants to do and my kid secured a fantastic summer internship through zero help from me.

I would rather have the help than your respect.

Sorry, you aren't able to make your own way in the world.

This is exactly the problem. The false belief that only those who “made it on their own” are worth respecting. Please.

No one (and I mean no one) makes it on their own. Get over yourself.

Did you have shelter growing up? Food? Clothing? Parents who lived you vs abused you? Are you white? A man? Do you have an easy to pronounce name?

You didn’t make it on your own. You were born into luck and were smart enough to know what to do with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.


I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

I am not disagreeing with this...although it is a bit over-the-top. My parents had nothing and I managed to do quite well. I frankly don't respect many of my peers that literally cannot support their current lifestyle without significant annual parental contributions. They have a very strange, unhealthy dynamic where their parents are just as involved as they in where they are buying a house, what private school they are sending their kids. I don't know any where the wealthy parent just writes them a check and hopes for the best.

I have connections for my college Freshman for an internship...but my kid's own connections are actually 10x better for what my kid wants to do and my kid secured a fantastic summer internship through zero help from me.

I would rather have the help than your respect.

Sorry, you aren't able to make your own way in the world.

This is exactly the problem. The false belief that only those who “made it on their own” are worth respecting. Please.

No one (and I mean no one) makes it on their own. Get over yourself.

Did you have shelter growing up? Food? Clothing? Parents who lived you vs abused you? Are you white? A man? Do you have an easy to pronounce name?

You didn’t make it on your own. You were born into luck and were smart enough to know what to do with that.

Got it. Just don't expect I won't make fun of you when you tell me you still need an allowance from mom and dad as a 40 or 50 year old adult.

None of this means don't hook your kid up with an internship, but I do expect they are self-sufficient at 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”. Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely. But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it. There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth. A very, very small percentage are truly self-made. The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest. Because life can be hard. Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus. I know, because I am now one of them. Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success. Nope. It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.


I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance. I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson. But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go. And they should never be ashamed of it.

I am not disagreeing with this...although it is a bit over-the-top. My parents had nothing and I managed to do quite well. I frankly don't respect many of my peers that literally cannot support their current lifestyle without significant annual parental contributions. They have a very strange, unhealthy dynamic where their parents are just as involved as they in where they are buying a house, what private school they are sending their kids. I don't know any where the wealthy parent just writes them a check and hopes for the best.

I have connections for my college Freshman for an internship...but my kid's own connections are actually 10x better for what my kid wants to do and my kid secured a fantastic summer internship through zero help from me.

I would rather have the help than your respect.

Sorry, you aren't able to make your own way in the world.

This is exactly the problem. The false belief that only those who “made it on their own” are worth respecting. Please.

No one (and I mean no one) makes it on their own. Get over yourself.

Did you have shelter growing up? Food? Clothing? Parents who lived you vs abused you? Are you white? A man? Do you have an easy to pronounce name?

You didn’t make it on your own. You were born into luck and were smart enough to know what to do with that.

Got it. Just don't expect I won't make fun of you when you tell me you still need an allowance from mom and dad as a 40 or 50 year old adult.

None of this means don't hook your kid up with an internship, but I do expect they are self-sufficient at 50.

[Anonymous]

Has your child been to the career center at the college to ask for help? That would be the first stop (especially if a private or smaller school).