Reply to College student floundering re how to find a summer internship or job

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The idea of making your kid flounder so that it will teach them to pull it together is based in the flawed belief that people should be “self-made” and pull themselves up “from their bootstraps”.  Failing and figuring it out does contribute to growth, absolutely.  But most of the people around you who meet all the hallmarks of traditionally defined success (money, nice house, nice cars…) just didn’t get there on their own, no matter how much they want you (or themselves) to believe it.  There is so much hidden support that it makes everyone else believe that if their kids don’t flounder and figure it out themselves, they’ll never figure it out like all of these self-made successful people.

Here’s the truth.  A very, very small percentage are truly self-made.  The others also work hard, but they (rightly) take  advantage of all the opportunities afforded to them to get a leg up and start the race already ahead of the rest.  Because life can be hard.  Parents pay for college or pay off their loans, give large sums for down payments, help with major home renovations, and generally find ways to transfer wealth before it becomes inheritance, they call in contacts to help with a first job, pay for multi-generational family vacations, give them their “old” car which happens to be a BMW/Mercedes/Lexus.  I know, because I am now one of them.  Married into a family with wealth and it is so, so eye-opening.

I, and many others, falsely believed that smarts, hard work, risk-taking, and perseverance in the face of hardship is what led to others’ success.  Nope.  It was actually being able to live rent-free in their parent’s NYC apartment while they fearlessly built their careers and saved a sh*t ton of money.

I’m teaching my kids the values of hard work and perseverance.  I let them make minor mistakes that have no consequence other than a bruised ego that comes with a good life lesson.  But I will make sure a financial and emotional support follows them wherever they go.  And they should never be ashamed of it. [/quote]

I am not disagreeing with this...although it is a bit over-the-top.  My parents had nothing and I managed to do quite well.  [b]I frankly don't respect many of my peers that literally cannot support their current lifestyle without significant annual parental contributions. [/b] They have a very strange, unhealthy dynamic where their parents are just as involved as they in where they are buying a house, what private school they are sending their kids.  I don't know any where the wealthy parent just writes them a check and hopes for the best.

I have connections for my college Freshman for an internship...but my kid's own connections are actually 10x better for what my kid wants to do and my kid secured a fantastic summer internship through zero help from me.[/quote]

I would rather have the help than your respect.[/quote]

Sorry, you aren't able to make your own way in the world.[/quote]

This is exactly the problem. The false belief that only those who “made it on their own” are worth respecting.  Please.

No one (and I mean no one) makes it on their own. Get over yourself.

Did you have shelter growing up?  Food?  Clothing?  Parents who lived you vs abused you?  Are you white?  A man?  Do you have an easy to pronounce name?

You didn’t make it on your own.  You were born into luck and were smart enough to know what to do with that.
[/quote]

Got it.  Just don't expect I won't make fun of you when you tell me you still need an allowance from mom and dad as a 40 or 50 year old adult.

None of this means don't hook your kid up with an internship, but I do expect they are self-sufficient at 50.[/quote]

:roll: [/quote]

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