According to experts: “If you have a friend who uses any of these 8 toxic phrases, it may be time to ‘move on

[Anonymous]

I never knew how toxic some are:

https://www.cnbc.com/2024/02/22/if-your-friends-use-any-of-these-toxic-phrases-it-may-be-time-to-move-on-says-psychologist.html


You are too sensitive”, for example.


Do any of your friends try to use these on you?

[Anonymous]

I have ex-friends who have said many of these. But I figured out they were toxic.

"You're too sensitive," "I was just joking," and "I'm sorry you feel that way" tend to travel as a matched set, IME. Here are some others that are along the same lines that I've learned are actually very disrespectful:

"That's just my sense of humor."
"I'm just playing devil's advocate."

But really it's about how people treat you overall, not specific things they say. Do they respect you? When you express your feelings to them about how they treat you, are they interested in finding a solution that works for both of you, or annoyed at the idea that they might have to modify behavior a little? Can they admit when they are wrong?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes, though, your feelings really ARE the problem. Sometimes people really ARE too sensitive, and/or can’t take a joke. That’s probably why those people eventually get met with point 8 from the article.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any friends who say any of those things, but my brother's idea of an apology is "I'm sorry you feel that way." Guess who the golden child of the family is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes, though, your feelings really ARE the problem. Sometimes people really ARE too sensitive, and/or can’t take a joke. That’s probably why those people eventually get met with point 8 from the article.

Kindness! Did your parents teach you about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes, though, your feelings really ARE the problem. Sometimes people really ARE too sensitive, and/or can’t take a joke. That’s probably why those people eventually get met with point 8 from the article.

I am sorry but your opinion in this situation seems a little harsh, don’t you agree?

[Anonymous]

I just finished watching Mean Girls and that, plus other movies and tv shows, is the only reason any of these phrases sound familiar to me.

I don’t know a lot of toxic people. I know a lot of dysfunctional people but their issues are all out in the open for people to see so you never need to read between lines to know that something is not right. I don’t love that these people are like this but I’d take open dysfunction over subtle (or subtle-ish) toxicity like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never knew how toxic some are:

https://www.cnbc.com/2024/02/22/if-your-friends-use-any-of-these-toxic-phrases-it-may-be-time-to-move-on-says-psychologist.html


You are too sensitive”, for example.


Do any of your friends try to use these on you?

+1

The "joking" one is commonly used by those with ill intent. Stay FAR away.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I run into a lot more toxic type parents here near DC, compared to back home.

[Anonymous]

The only one I don't totally agree is a toxic phrase is the phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way " in some cases. Yes, it is toxic, when it is being used as an apology. However, I don't feel it's toxic if somebody is sharing their feelings about something that bothers them and you are trying to empathize and say wow I see that bothers you. I'm really sorry that you feel that way. That's how I would use it. As empathy. but I know not to use it because I've learned that that is a toxic phrase. But I see it is contextual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only one I don't totally agree is a toxic phrase is the phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way " in some cases. Yes, it is toxic, when it is being used as an apology. However, I don't feel it's toxic if somebody is sharing their feelings about something that bothers them and you are trying to empathize and say wow I see that bothers you. I'm really sorry that you feel that way. That's how I would use it. As empathy. but I know not to use it because I've learned that that is a toxic phrase. But I see it is contextual.

I see where you are coming from. I think the reason it's on the list is that it comes off as very dismissive of someone's feelings. Like not "I can see why you feel that way" but "it is disappointing to me that you feel that way." But I see what you are saying, that someone could mean it in an empathetic way.

I had a friend who often said this when she thought my feelings were out of left field. So it was actually an expression of just not understanding. I had depression during our friendship and sometimes I'd try to explain what that was like to her, how depression isn't necessarily feeling sad but more just feeling empty. And she'd respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way." I know that was her attempting to be supportive but just not knowing what to say or really even understanding how I felt. But knowing that, it made me feel worse even though I knew she wasn't trying to make me feel bad. It just made me feel further from connection or feeling understood, which made the depression feel worse. It wasn't her fault and I don't think she was being toxic, but it did illustrate to me that she wasn't the best person for me to try and lean on in that situation.

Sometimes people are just limited in certain ways and can't be there for you in the way you need someone to be there for you. It sucks, but it's just life.

[Anonymous]

"Experts"

LOL for days.

If an article says, "According to experts" I tune out.

And all that BS COVID crap they pushed is to blame. Doesn't matter what the article is about, not listening!

[Anonymous]

You just described my mother. Along with: "Wow you have a belly" and "DD (who is 2 years old) is really getting fat".

There's a reason we live on different continents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only one I don't totally agree is a toxic phrase is the phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way " in some cases. Yes, it is toxic, when it is being used as an apology. However, I don't feel it's toxic if somebody is sharing their feelings about something that bothers them and you are trying to empathize and say wow I see that bothers you. I'm really sorry that you feel that way. That's how I would use it. As empathy. but I know not to use it because I've learned that that is a toxic phrase. But I see it is contextual.

I see where you are coming from. I think the reason it's on the list is that it comes off as very dismissive of someone's feelings. Like not "I can see why you feel that way" but "it is disappointing to me that you feel that way." But I see what you are saying, that someone could mean it in an empathetic way.

I had a friend who often said this when she thought my feelings were out of left field. So it was actually an expression of just not understanding. I had depression during our friendship and sometimes I'd try to explain what that was like to her, how depression isn't necessarily feeling sad but more just feeling empty. And she'd respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way." I know that was her attempting to be supportive but just not knowing what to say or really even understanding how I felt. But knowing that, it made me feel worse even though I knew she wasn't trying to make me feel bad. It just made me feel further from connection or feeling understood, which made the depression feel worse. It wasn't her fault and I don't think she was being toxic, but it did illustrate to me that she wasn't the best person for me to try and lean on in that situation.

Sometimes people are just limited in certain ways and can't be there for you in the way you need someone to be there for you. It sucks, but it's just life.

Compared to your forst two examples, which are empathetic, "I'm sorry you feel that way" always means, "I really don't care; you are wrong."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only one I don't totally agree is a toxic phrase is the phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way " in some cases. Yes, it is toxic, when it is being used as an apology. However, I don't feel it's toxic if somebody is sharing their feelings about something that bothers them and you are trying to empathize and say wow I see that bothers you. I'm really sorry that you feel that way. That's how I would use it. As empathy. but I know not to use it because I've learned that that is a toxic phrase. But I see it is contextual.

I see where you are coming from. I think the reason it's on the list is that it comes off as very dismissive of someone's feelings. Like not "I can see why you feel that way" but "it is disappointing to me that you feel that way." But I see what you are saying, that someone could mean it in an empathetic way.

I had a friend who often said this when she thought my feelings were out of left field. So it was actually an expression of just not understanding. I had depression during our friendship and sometimes I'd try to explain what that was like to her, how depression isn't necessarily feeling sad but more just feeling empty. And she'd respond with "I'm sorry you feel that way." I know that was her attempting to be supportive but just not knowing what to say or really even understanding how I felt. But knowing that, it made me feel worse even though I knew she wasn't trying to make me feel bad. It just made me feel further from connection or feeling understood, which made the depression feel worse. It wasn't her fault and I don't think she was being toxic, but it did illustrate to me that she wasn't the best person for me to try and lean on in that situation.

Sometimes people are just limited in certain ways and can't be there for you in the way you need someone to be there for you. It sucks, but it's just life.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" is fine when you're explaining how you feel about something that has nothing to do with the other person. It's not ok in lieu of an apology from the person who did something to you.