5th grade boy teased for being homosexual, even though he isn’t homosexual

[Anonymous]

On Tuesday, my son’s two closest friends at school told him that he was “forbidden” from playing with them anymore because he “liked boys instead of girls.” My son has crushes on girls and is not homosexual, but they said that because of his clothes, they could tell he only liked boys.

My son tried to speak with the vice principal and the school counselor, but neither had time for him. He was distraught. I emailed to see if he could please speak with the school counselor.

On Wednesday, he met with the counselor, who suggested that he use “I statements” to tell his friends how he felt when they made those comments. My son tried it, but was met with ridicule.

I asked the counselor to please meet with the two boys who told my son he was homosexual and excluded him for it, and to meet with all three of them and mediate a conversation between the three of them. I also asked the counselor to follow up with me.

So far, no response from the counselor.

Any suggestions? Is this kind of teasing tolerated by FCPS? I thought the school would have stepped in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
On Tuesday, my son’s two closest friends at school told him that he was “forbidden” from playing with them anymore because he “liked boys instead of girls.” My son has crushes on girls and is not homosexual, but they said that because of his clothes, they could tell he only liked boys.

My son tried to speak with the vice principal and the school counselor, but neither had time for him. He was distraught. I emailed to see if he could please speak with the school counselor.

On Wednesday, he met with the counselor, who suggested that he use “I statements” to tell his friends how he felt when they made those comments. My son tried it, but was met with ridicule.

I asked the counselor to please meet with the two boys who told my son he was homosexual and excluded him for it, and to meet with all three of them and mediate a conversation between the three of them. I also asked the counselor to follow up with me.

So far, no response from the counselor.

Any suggestions? Is this kind of teasing tolerated by FCPS? I thought the school would have stepped in.

I teach 6th and was wondering. Did he tell the teacher? He/she may have already talked to all 3 separately or together. The counselors are extremely busy right now and found time to talk with your son, but probably won’t talk to the 2 other boys. Their job is more to counsel not discipline. If you want something more to happen, reach out to the Assistant Principal. Unfortunately, teasing is very much a part of 4-6th grades. It’s a common coping mechanism for their own insecurities. My last advice would be to focus on supporting your son even if it involves helping him find new friends.

[Anonymous]

Sad to say, but he might want to wear different clothes. I have a nephew who his fashionable mom has always dressed him like a little . . . sorry, gay man. Fitted pants rolled up at the ankles, loafer with no socks, bow ties and bowler hats. He was super cute, yes. And he loved the attention. But now, in school, all he was getting is a very negative kind of attention for how he dresses. His younger brother has always refused to dress like that as if sensing early on nothing good comes from it. Hoodies and running shoes for him. Older brother is morphing as well. But it's been painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad to say, but he might want to wear different clothes. I have a nephew who his fashionable mom has always dressed him like a little . . . sorry, gay man. Fitted pants rolled up at the ankles, loafer with no socks, bow ties and bowler hats. He was super cute, yes. And he loved the attention. But now, in school, all he was getting is a very negative kind of attention for how he dresses. His younger brother has always refused to dress like that as if sensing early on nothing good comes from it. Hoodies and running shoes for him. Older brother is morphing as well. But it's been painful.

My son wears jeans, sneakers, t-shirts and a turtleneck under the t-shirts in the winter, just like his friends. It has nothing to do with how he dresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sad to say, but he might want to wear different clothes. I have a nephew who his fashionable mom has always dressed him like a little . . . sorry, gay man. Fitted pants rolled up at the ankles, loafer with no socks, bow ties and bowler hats. He was super cute, yes. And he loved the attention. But now, in school, all he was getting is a very negative kind of attention for how he dresses. His younger brother has always refused to dress like that as if sensing early on nothing good comes from it. Hoodies and running shoes for him. Older brother is morphing as well. But it's been painful.

My son wears jeans, sneakers, t-shirts and a turtleneck under the t-shirts in the winter, just like his friends. It has nothing to do with how he dresses.

And frankly, even if he was a fashionable straight boy or even actually gay, kids shouldn’t be teasing or excluding him for it. I’m sorry your kid is going through this, OP. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

You need to go in and meet with the counselor and principles. If they’re ignoring your son, they will not ignore you. I’m sorry he’s being bullied.

[Anonymous]

Do you know the other parents? You mentioned these are 2 close friends so I was thinking maybe they’ve hung out outside of school and you know the families. If you have a personal relationship with them, reach out in a non-accusatory way (so they don’t immediately get defensive) and ask to talk about a school issue. Then tell them there is some sort of conflict amongst the 3 boys and here is what your son is reporting. Ask what their children are saying about it. Hopefully by putting this on their radar they will take action at home. I would 100% want to know if my kid was saying this crap at school.

[Anonymous]

OP, your thread title and post come off as though you think it would be understandable for your son to be treated this way if he were actually gay, but you’re upset about his treatment because he’s not gay. I think your focus should be on the bullying, not the unfounded reason behind it. Document what’s happening to your son and report it as bullying if it happens again.

[Anonymous]

This has literally been going on forever (encouraged by adults)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your thread title and post come off as though you think it would be understandable for your son to be treated this way if he were actually gay, but you’re upset about his treatment because he’s not gay. I think your focus should be on the bullying, not the unfounded reason behind it. Document what’s happening to your son and report it as bullying if it happens again.

+1

Regardless of your son's orientation, the boys are being homophobic since they're using it as a slur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
On Tuesday, my son’s two closest friends at school told him that he was “forbidden” from playing with them anymore because he “liked boys instead of girls.” My son has crushes on girls and is not homosexual, but they said that because of his clothes, they could tell he only liked boys.

My son tried to speak with the vice principal and the school counselor, but neither had time for him. He was distraught. I emailed to see if he could please speak with the school counselor.

On Wednesday, he met with the counselor, who suggested that he use “I statements” to tell his friends how he felt when they made those comments. My son tried it, but was met with ridicule.

I asked the counselor to please meet with the two boys who told my son he was homosexual and excluded him for it, and to meet with all three of them and mediate a conversation between the three of them. I also asked the counselor to follow up with me.

So far, no response from the counselor.

Any suggestions? Is this kind of teasing tolerated by FCPS? I thought the school would have stepped in.

I teach 6th and was wondering. Did he tell the teacher? He/she may have already talked to all 3 separately or together. The counselors are extremely busy right now and found time to talk with your son, but probably won’t talk to the 2 other boys. Their job is more to counsel not discipline. If you want something more to happen, reach out to the Assistant Principal. Unfortunately, teasing is very much a part of 4-6th grades. It’s a common coping mechanism for their own insecurities. My last advice would be to focus on supporting your son even if it involves helping him find new friends.

Teasing does not end in 6th grade in FCPS.

Phones and SnapChat make teasing / bullying far easier and more pervasive.

And SnapChat conveniently deletes the evidence, which benefits the bullies.

[Anonymous]

My son was also teased for being gay even though he wasn’t a few years ago and when I told the counselor, she literally said “boys will be boys.” The kid doing the teasing was untouchable because he was black and on an IEP. I would have been labeled a racist if I kept complaining.

[Anonymous]

Whether your kid is gay or not, it doesn't really matter. The other two boys shouldn't get a pass for bullying him about it. I'd contact the asst principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad to say, but he might want to wear different clothes. I have a nephew who his fashionable mom has always dressed him like a little . . . sorry, gay man. Fitted pants rolled up at the ankles, loafer with no socks, bow ties and bowler hats. He was super cute, yes. And he loved the attention. But now, in school, all he was getting is a very negative kind of attention for how he dresses. His younger brother has always refused to dress like that as if sensing early on nothing good comes from it. Hoodies and running shoes for him. Older brother is morphing as well. But it's been painful.

Wow, kids suck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I heard back from the counselor and she said the other two boys denied making any comments except that his clothing was forbidden colors (blue and green???), and that unless they are willing to admit making those comments, there is nothing she can do.