I hate work travel but I make too much money to quit
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Anonymous
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I have kids and a wonderful spouse who works from home. I took a new job five years ago that I enjoy, and can be stressful and challenging but in a good way, and requires me to travel away from home 4-6 days per month (think 2-3 overnight trips to a major city not far away).
For this job, I get paid over $600k annually. We’re trying hard to manage this money wisely to save for college, invest, do things for the kids, etc. Lately I have been gut-wrenchingly sad every time I leave my kids. The excitement of the new position has fully worn off and I still enjoy the work, but I miss my kids and spouse so, so much. My kids and spouse are okay without me; we even have involved grandparents nearby. Can someone help me here with some advice? I’m not thinking of quitting- I’ll never find another job like this and we have a financial plan for the next five years to help pay for the kids. But I miss them so, so much and I feel awful every time I am away. |
Anonymous
| How old are the kids? One week of travel a month is not a lot, especially considering your compensation. I used to travel much more frequently (three weeks out of every four) and that became soul-killing after a while, so a couple of trips a month seems pretty manageable to me. |
Anonymous
| They are middle school aged. It’s gotten harder to be away as they’ve gotten older and I realize how fast they’re growing up. |
Anonymous
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When you look back on your life you will never wish you traveled more for work. You will almost certainly wish you’d had more time with your kids, especially when they’re little (not sure the ages of your kids though). Maybe there are some people that this doesn’t not apply to, but given how sad you are about leaving them, I don’t think you’re one of those people.
If there’s a realistic alternative option where you still make enough money to support your family (or your spouse) does, take it and don’t look back. Don’t waste your life missing your kids. |
Anonymous
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I think this is about more than missing the kids. You really aren't gone that much. (I don't mean that to sound mean.) I think you don't love that they are fine without you, basically, sort of having a life even when you aren't there. You want to be the fixture at home.
If they threw themselves at you the minute you walked in the door and it was clear they missed you terribly, you would probably feel differently. But they are middle schoolers. They aren't going to do that no matter what. You also probably feel stuck, and feeling stuck exacerbates a problem. Talk to your spouse about what you're feeling. Either come up with a new plan re: income, or spouse needs to help you feel a big part of the family when you are there. If spouse was smart and wanted you to keep making that income, he would make a point of having the kids do something for/with you each time you came home. Something the kids also enjoy that kind of becomes a tradition. Pizza night! Movie night! Game night! You have plenty of days and nights/month that you can make an effort to have special time with the kids. |
Anonymous
Middle school? They are going to notice you are even gone. Don’t they have homework and activities most nights? As long as you are home on weekends that’s solid. Are you the DW? Men who travel like this don’t give it a second thought. I would bring back something from the places you visit, even a fridge magnet or postcard and send a selfie from some view while there. These will bring the kids to where you are which is fun too. How much does your DH make? Are you all making $1.5M HHI and feeling this way? |
Anonymous
| As someone who is barely making 80k before taxes, don’t leave your job. Money solves so many problems. |
Anonymous
Seriously. You should have a fully funded life in just a few years of working like this. Unless of course you’ve raised your lifestyle to such a level you need it to just pay the bills. I’d be looking at working for 5 more years and then retiring. It’s pretty easy to spend time with your young adult children when you aren’t working. |
Anonymous
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OP. Yes, I’m the wife. I earn more than my husband, but he does well too. I get to work from home the 25 days I’m not traveling. My kids miss me, but they are busy and happy when I’m not there.
There’s no way I could walk away from this job until college is funded. There’s no job that would even pay me half as much for this type of flexibility and I actually enjoy most of the work. This job is end game for me; my plan is to milk it for as long as I can and then semi-retire and just do fun stuff like freelance writing. But man - I don’t want to have regrets as a parent. Being financially responsible sucks and I love the romantic idea of quitting, but it just won’t work. I love my kids so so much and it just feels wrong to be away from them. I appreciate the PP who suggested having family events to celebrate when I get back home from a trip. Any and all ideas here are welcome. |
Anonymous
So your household income is about $1M. And you WFH 80% of the time. I admit I'm very jealous of your setup. Our combined HHI is half of your income alone, and we barely see our kids between our commutes and "fire drill" long hours. What do you do, I'll happily take your job! |
Anonymous
| My advice is to set a goal for how long you will do this and how much you will save. Having an end-point in eg 3 years might make it more bearable. |
Anonymous
Seriously, this has got to be one of the top crybaby posts in dcum history. |
Anonymous
| I have a two year old and another on the way, and have to go out of the country for work for two weeks at a time 1-3x a year. It sucks. I cope by constantly reminding myself that it’s the price to be paid for being able to provide them with everything they have now and will have later. That, and FaceTime, and lots of one-on-one when I’m back. |
Anonymous
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Holy cow, cut your lifestyle/spending drastically for a year and stash as much as you can in college funds. Then quit. Like seriously, if you take home even half of that money, that fully funds a college fund from 0-done in 1 year. Unless you have 5 kids, why is it going to take 5 years to meet financial goals?
We fully funded 1 child’s college on $200k HHI. You can do this! Or not, but then realize that you are making the choice not to. |
Anonymous
| Four to six days a month is nothing given your income and likely job responsibilities. I did that and my husband did that and our goal was to never be away at the same time and I think we pulled it off. There is a price to pay for a big job and you just have to deal with it or back off. Our non work hours were entirely kid focused and our kids, now adults, never sensed that we didn’t love them. They all are in two income households and they deal with it. |