Husband interrupts whatever I am doing
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Anonymous
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I am a working mom with two little kids, one of whom has special needs. I love my DH dearly but I am having this recurring issue where he will not allow me to have alone time, basically ever. No matter what I am trying to do, whether it is tending to the kids (and trying to listen to them, talk to them, etc), working from home, washing dishes, attempting to listen to a podcast, reading a book, he is terrible at noticing that I am doing something else and letting me do it. Example is when I am working from home, he will talk in the room and just start talking at me about whatever topic floats into his head. Or I finally sit down after getting the kids to bed, open my book, and he starts talking.
It is driving me nuts. He does not take well to me kindly saying, hey, I am in the middle of something - can we talk later? My work days and time with my kids I am "on" pretty much all the time, and I need more quiet and time to relax and unwind without focusing on whatever he wants to talk about. I am pretty good about making time for him but this feels like an immature and frankly kind of selfish behavior. In the meantime, if he has a TV show he wants to watch, he makes a big production about "hey this is my TV night" and goes and watches it. It has not always been like this and I am honestly not sure where this comes from. His friends kind of suck so I think he lacks people to talk to maybe? AITA for being annoyed by this? Any tips for dealing with it? |
Anonymous
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My DH is similar. I lock him out of spaces when I need to be alone. He is able to open the door with a coat hanger and still comes in but at least it buys me some time and peace.
No answers here. He gets hurt and defensive when I say that to him also and I’m not wanting to fight over and over again. |
Anonymous
| Put on noise canceling headphones. He’s rude. |
Anonymous
| Is there any time you aren’t doing something? It seems like you just don’t want your husband to talk to you? |
Anonymous
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Ugh, this would drive me bananas. I mean seriously, I'd be contemplating divorce. I can't imagine living like this.
Have you had this conversation separate from a particular incident, when you're both in a good mood? "I've been meaning to talk with you about something - I struggle to get downtime because you frequently will start talking to me when I'm having some me time. Like, if I'm reading a book or listening to a podcast. I love talking with you and spending time with you, but I also need time to myself, so I find this frustrating. Is there a better way for me to handle this? What can we do so that we both get what we need?" Make sure you listen to what he says too - especially if this has been going on for a while, he may feel rejected or upset that you always seem annoyed when he talks to you. You should discuss what the options are, but I would suggest dedicated times (maybe certain evenings each week?) when you are not to be disturbed, and dedicated times that you will spend together (like a weekly date night in?) |
Anonymous
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I have the same problem. Usually he needed my help or wanted me to do something right then. My problem was I would drop everything and do it. Now I say, firmly and sometimes in an annoyed tone, I will when I’m finished or I’m doing something but I can later. He also would take up space like he’ll need to do something in the kitchen as I’m doing something and expect me to move. I now say, let me finish this first. He does not object to this.
My take is that he just expects to take up the space whenever he needs it, his needs come first, he’s not interrupting, he’s just doing the next thing, whereas as a woman I learned to adapt, move aside and be amenable. I think this kind of adaptability never occurred to him but as I said, now that I say something, he goes along with it. |
Anonymous
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Could it be Aspergers?
My DH comes to talk to me just when I’m in the throne, trying to do my business quietly. |
Anonymous
[google]
^correction: sitting on the throne |
Anonymous
WTF? |
Anonymous
| My kid does this sounds like he never outgrew it |
Anonymous
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My ex DW complained about this when I retired, but she was the ultimate hypocrite, not respecting my activities/interrupting. But always with some ridiculous reason that her interruptions were completely different than mine and that accusing her of hypocrisy was bad behavior.
Now she expects me to pick up the phone, whereas usually she won’t pick up the phone. |
Anonymous
| I don’t know what it is with men and constantly interrupting, talking at you, trying to initiate sex, when you’re reading a book. It’s something about the book that must make them think “hey she’s super bored, better get all up in her space.” Anything else (scrolling on the phone or tablet, working out, cleaning, even playing a video game) and he doesn’t usually interrupt but the second a book comes out, all bets are off. |
Anonymous
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He wants to connect with you. Invest in figuring out a solution or you will grow apart. Ask me how I know.
Of course I was doing most of the work and he barely did any. Part of the convo about this might be his taking a bigger chunk of kid or house work so you guys can enjoy dinner together. Or something similar. Some time to focus on each other. It will probably only be 10-20 minutes but if you can work it in on a regular basis, you'll be helping maintain the emotional connection. Trust me, I know it's hard. You've spent everything you've had on kids and work and need time to recharge/devote to you. Don't lost that. Just shift some other stuff around to make some room for him. He needs to step up more. These years are hard. |
Anonymous
This is a legit good question. Do you make time for your husband, or are you just focused on children and your “me time?” In other threads, women complain about their absentee husbands and want to divorce. Men can’t win. |
Anonymous
You view your role as being a queen with a throne? Jesus |