Looking back, what early signs were there of going off track?

[Anonymous]

I mean, if your adult child “failed to launch,” were there signs early on?

Things you could have done differently?

[Anonymous]

Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

where are they now? were you able to move past this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

I would read your memoir. This lifestyle sounds fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

You have value and are worthy. Why do you think you failed to launch if you've had a steady jobs with multiple promotions for the past six years? That is fabulous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

You have a plastic surgeon on speed dial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

where are they now? were you able to move past this?

They eventually made it into college and are in low-EF demand state government jobs that are fine but nothing very exciting. Finally getting them to accept a trial run of anxiety meds helped a lot. Me opening my eyes to the seriousness of their EF deficiencies and getting an EF coach helped. I wish I had intervened on EF stuff much younger, like in elementary school. I regret that I just didn't grasp it. They're both smart in certain ways, but adult life is really really hard without adequate EF.

SPACE protocol helped. Me not paying for things helped-- I finally had to bite the bullet and ratchet down our lifestyle at home dramatically. Flip phones for everyone. No internet, no cable. No desserts. No fancy food, no restaurants. No extras at all. It was hard for me but I stayed the course and told them over and over that they could get jobs and buy things for themselves. I know it sounds kind of retrograde, but in combination with SPACE guidance and anxiety meds and EF support, it helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

Why do you have a plastic surgeon if you don’t go anywhere and don’t see anyone?

[Anonymous]

I think inattentive ADD, anxiety, and avoidance as a way of coping with frustration or anxiety, are key risk factors and can be identified in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have a plastic surgeon if you don’t go anywhere and don’t see anyone?

I was so unbelievably ugly growing up -- just a disgusting, grotesque, fat monster without an ounce of femininity -- so I'm just trying to make up for that. Being slightly less ugly than the day before gives me something to look forward to. It's the only social power I have (shallow and fake as it is) especially when I can reject men from time to time. It's also useful for professional advancement.

Anyway: love your kids, everyone, or else they'll turn out like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

Why do you have a plastic surgeon if you don’t go anywhere and don’t see anyone?

I’m not PP but I also have a plastic surgeon despite the fact that I don’t date, I don’t have a partner and I don’t have a social life. I like looking and feeling good for ME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

where are they now? were you able to move past this?

They eventually made it into college and are in low-EF demand state government jobs that are fine but nothing very exciting. Finally getting them to accept a trial run of anxiety meds helped a lot. Me opening my eyes to the seriousness of their EF deficiencies and getting an EF coach helped. I wish I had intervened on EF stuff much younger, like in elementary school. I regret that I just didn't grasp it. They're both smart in certain ways, but adult life is really really hard without adequate EF.

SPACE protocol helped. Me not paying for things helped-- I finally had to bite the bullet and ratchet down our lifestyle at home dramatically. Flip phones for everyone. No internet, no cable. No desserts. No fancy food, no restaurants. No extras at all. It was hard for me but I stayed the course and told them over and over that they could get jobs and buy things for themselves. I know it sounds kind of retrograde, but in combination with SPACE guidance and anxiety meds and EF support, it helped.

What is the SPACE protocol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have a plastic surgeon if you don’t go anywhere and don’t see anyone?

I was so unbelievably ugly growing up -- just a disgusting, grotesque, fat monster without an ounce of femininity -- so I'm just trying to make up for that. Being slightly less ugly than the day before gives me something to look forward to. It's the only social power I have (shallow and fake as it is) especially when I can reject men from time to time. It's also useful for professional advancement.

Anyway: love your kids, everyone, or else they'll turn out like me.

You have a relationship with your mother, so it sounds like you were loved by her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Are you a survivor of abuse or assault?