Looking back, what early signs were there of going off track?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother - profound ADHD from childhood now and probably some bi-polar. He always had trouble in school but consistently believes he is the smartest guy in the room - a legend is his own mind. In and out of college, didn't graduate and chronically underemployed. He took money from my mom til her was in his early 30's. My dad died when he was young and she couldn't bear to cut him off. He married a therapist, has a blue collar job (yay, a job!) and for some reason his wife puts up with him. I do have to remind my mom to always be supportive of his wife because if she leaves him, he'll be mom's responsibility again.

Also, my mom tried to get him help/medicated for years, as did I. He had some pretty major lows before he actually got himself to a therapist. He also blames everyone else for his problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, if your adult child “failed to launch,” were there signs early on?

Things you could have done differently?

Inherited mental disorders. dad got diagnosed when they were babies due to all the issues popping up, then I watched it play out in Kid 1.

No, nothing I could have done differently to prevent the issues that continued.

Having one unhealthy and undermining parent whether divorced or married is a losing hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

I would not call you a FTL!
I hope things work out for you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

Why do you have a plastic surgeon if you don’t go anywhere and don’t see anyone?

Think about what you just said. People who get plastic surgery should do it for themselves, not because they are trying to impress or please other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic anxiety which I did not take as seriously as I should have.

Poor executive functioning, which I thought was a school-related problem but is actually a problem that affects people in all areas of life.

I'm a 36F failure to launch and agree with this. I'd also add chronic quitter. I quit people, places, things, jobs, schools, etc. with reckless abandon. Although at least I've been able to hold down a "good job" in state government since 2017 with multiple promotions and annual raises. Around that same time, I decided to give up completely on forging social bonds. No keeping or trying to make friends, no dating, absolutely no social outings. My contact list consists only of my mother and various offices/services I frequently use (hair, spa, plastic surgeon, etc.) I have a decent retirement getting built up, but it's meaningless because I've already chosen that I will die rather than live like this in old age.

Yes I'm in therapy and have been for a long time.

Why do you have a plastic surgeon if you don’t go anywhere and don’t see anyone?

Think about what you just said. People who get plastic surgery should do it for themselves, not because they are trying to impress or please other people.

Another reason could be low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

I have a nephew who went to a top notch private school and did just OK, got into a top college because he was a legacy and again did just ok, got his first job because of a connection, then got his second job through a family member but got fired because he was lazy and showed no initiative. Now he’s been unemployed for a few years supported by his wife who has a good job and his parents. He’s in his late 30s and it’s sad to see.

[Anonymous]

Earliest signs were an alcoholic father and histrionic mother. Neither parent was nurturing or established good structure or boundaries for the kids.

One dropped out of college and is getting high and working a minimum wage job. One graduated college and is not working.

Dad sends money because he is afraid the kids will stop loving him if he doesn’t pay them. Mom sends money because she is desperate to prove she is a great mom after walking out on dad and kids when kids were 3 and 5, and reappearing in high school.

[Anonymous]

Early signs were difficulty making friends and difficulty calming himself when upset. He was so lonely in the final years of elementary school that he sometimes said he wished he could die. At the same time, he only wanted to be friends with the most popular kids. He was very, very bright, and I thought that would protect him, but it didn't. He became more and more anxious, depressed, and defiant. He left home at 18, with no interest in going to college, cut off contact with family, and has been working as a store clerk while taking estrogen for the past several years.