DCUM Weblog

Today I'll look at the most active threads over the weekend. On Saturday I created a new forum titled, "The DCUM Book Club". Posters have long been asking for a dedicated forum for book discussions. While such threads have been successful in the Entertainment forum, they tend to get buried in the discussions about celebrities and television shows. It is fitting that on the weekend of its debut, a thread from the forum would top the list of threads with the most replies.

Titled, "Name a popular book you didn't like", the thread was also second in number of views. The original poster explains that she wanted to discuss books that she didn't like and specifically singles out Maya Angelou's "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings". It is a little disconcerting that in a forum created out of reverence for books, a thread about disliking books would lead. On the other hand, probably the only book thread I ever personally created was about not liking J. D. Vances's "Hillbilly Elegy". When I started that thread back in 2016, I felt a bit like a heretic because the book appeared to be receiving nothing but praise. I think my criticisms have held up and my skepticism has proven warranted. Moreover, I noticed that the book was mentioned several times in this thread as a book posters didn't like. So, I'm glad to see that my opinion is not as lonely as it seemed back then.

Today I'll look at the most active threads during the past week. I'll skip any threads that were already mentioned in the daily updates. This week, a lot of the threads with the most engagement have already been mentioned so I am kind of getting into second tier today. With that said, one of the threads leading in number of replies was titled, "law school?" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum. This thread was not in the top ten for number of views and I also didn't notice it until now. The thread may be low key and under the radar, but it appears to be full of helpful advice. The original poster asks for thoughts about attending law school, such as whether to go directly after college, what speciality to pursue, or other considerations. DCUM, being full of attorneys, is a good place to ask for such advice and, indeed, the thread has reached 15 pages with, as far as I can tell, little to no trolling or off-topic arguing.

The leading thread in both number of replies and number of views was posted in the "Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS)" forum. Titled, "slur during last nights FCPS Board mtg", the original post inquires about a rumor that during a school board meeting a school board member said, "we can't be this (r word) about this". The first reply confirmed the rumor and called for the school board member's resignation. In recent years, school board meetings — especially in northern Virginia — have become something of a full contact sport, rivalling Roman circuses as spectator events. It is fitting, therefore, that a school board meeting would push a thread to the top of our charts. I'm sure it won't be the last time.

Before posters could really dig in discussing the slur in question, the thread made what appears to be almost obligatory diversion to posts about Ibram X. Kendi, the current bugaboo of the right wing who seems to be hiding under every school desk in America. Anything involving eduction triggers an almost Pavlovian response in some posters to condemn Kendi whether he has anything to do with it or not. Once that was out of the way, most responses turned toward criticizing the use of the term, but arguing that an apology (which was quickly issued) was sufficient. While some posters appear to have authentic concerns about the slur in question, most posters appeared to be balancing their dislike of the specific school board member with their absolute disdain for "cancel culture", resulting in many posters listing multiple unfavorable characteristics of the school board member before coming to her defense in this instance. Much time was wasted by posters saying this entire controversy was a waste of time.

Yesterday's thread with the most replies and views was titled, "6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends". Posted in the "Tweens and Teens" forum, the original post expands on the subject line, detailing how the poster's 6th grade daughter has been getting a cold shoulder from a group of longtime friends. I hadn't seen this thread until just now, despite it reaching 10 pages of replies. That indicates that the thread must be very low drama since nobody found a post in it worth reporting. Indeed, looking at a few posts throughout the thread — I am not up to reading the entire thing — it looks like most responses were empathetic and helpful. I noticed the original poster provided a fairly heartfelt post on the 7th page thanking the responders. That was nice to see. DCUM has a well-earned reputation for nastiness, but I've always felt that the good outweighed the bad — even if that required some pretty creative accounting to establish. But this type of thread really highlights the positives of our community. Normally it takes controversy to generate clicks. It was nice to see that this thread was an exception to that rule.

The "College and University Discussion" forum was on fire yesterday with three out of the top four threads coming from that forum. The thread with the most replies — by some measure — and the second most views was titled, "Schools That Aren't Easy to Get To". The parent of a high school junior says that as she has started thinking about higher education, the fact that many schools under consideration are in locations to which it is difficult to travel has become a concern. The original poster asks how much of a factor this has been for others. It was surprising to me that, despite the significant lead in number of replies this thread received, I was not aware of it until just now. I just took a quick glance through the 7 page thread and, as far as I can tell, the thread has stayed on-topic and contains mostly helpful replies. Frankly, that is rather remarkable for the Colleges forum.

Leading in both number of replies and number of views yesterday was a thread in the "Elementary School-Aged Kids" forum titled, "African parents please weigh in on manners". I thought the original post was interesting, relating how a fellow parent who is from a West African country had told the original poster that the original poster's child does not acknowledge them when the child sees them and that this is considered rude in the other parent's culture. Children are expected to initiate greetings to elders. The original poster was wondering if this is truly an expectation.

The first reply stated that this was also an old school American tradition while responders from various parts of Africa confirmed that it was the expected practice. However, some replies were defensive and critical of the African parent. One poster even threatened physical violence toward the other parent which reminds me that DCUM does have its share of Internet tough guys who are incredibly brave when hiding behind anonymous posts. Unfortunately, the main takeaway from this thread is that DCUM posters of all cultures can probably work on improving their manners as the thread broke out in name calling and petty bickering. Things got so bad that I eventually locked the thread.

As I've mentioned before, the Political Discussion forum is normally the most active forum. Despite that, it has only made one appearance in previous posts in this series. Today marks the second time. A thread titled, "NYT: Independent Women Flocking to GOP" led in both replies and views yesterday. The thread is about a poll published by the New York Times showing that independent women who had recently favored Democrats have shifted and now favor Republicans. I haven't read all of the 12 page thread, though I've removed several off-topic posts that were reported. Any thread involving women and politics these days will immediately turn towards reproductive healthcare and abortion and this thread did exactly that. The Republican talking point used to counter complaints that women are losing bodily autonomy is to point to vaccine mandates. As a result, much of the thread is used to rehash this debate which has already been held in numerous other threads.

From the very beginning of the series I've mentioned how the active threads make me feel out of touch with this website, despite owning and operating it for nearly two decades. This weekend's threads with the most engagement reemphasize that feeling.

Leading this weekend in number of replies and second in number of views was a thread posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum titled, "How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding." The original poster writes that one member of a group of four close friends of hers is unable to attend her daughter's wedding due to the date conflicting with that of a co-worker's wedding. This despite the group of five friends excitedly talking about the wedding for over a year. In all honesty, I am baffled that this topic would interest anyone, yet it reached 18 pages of replies in just two days. At least one poster must have also thought things were a bit strange because I received a report asking if the original poster was trolling (she wasn't). I haven't read the thread other than a few posts here and there just to see what was going on. As best I can tell, most of the discussion is a back and forth about the importance of the other wedding to the friend and why it got the nod over the original poster's daughter's wedding. For her part, the original poster appears to have accepted whatever advice she was offered and seems to have reconciled herself to the situation.

Today I'll look at the most active threads during the last week. I'll skip over threads that were already mentioned in the daily updates, though that limits the number that I can discuss. However, that is not the case with the first thread which didn't appear in the daily posts. Titled, "Friend with bad child being iced out of friend group" and posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum, this thread had the most replies and second most views during the week.

The thread describes the child of the original poster's friend who has hurt other children and caused damage to the house during get togethers. The original poster is now avoiding the child and has learned that other parents are doing the same. The original poster wonders whether she should address this with the other mother. I haven't read the thread but it did come to my attention during the week because it had devolved to lots of name-calling and inane arguing. At that time I locked the thread. Looking at the first page today, I see that several posters objected to the description of the child as a "bad boy" while several others suggested outdoor playdates.

The leading thread in number of replies yesterday was titled, "If you had the money, would you raise your kids in NYC?" and posted in the "General Parenting Discussion" forum. The original post is succinct, simply asking whether if you could afford a suitable apartment, good schools, activities, and travel you would raise your family in New York City. I didn't know about this thread until just now and I'm not convinced that it is posted in the correct forum. Nevertheless, scanning through replies there are a lot of posters who would not raise their children in NYC. There also appear to be a few posters who are already doing it. I noticed more than one post in which the author declared animosity towards NYC based on experiences during college with a New Yorker. It's probably time to let those grudges go and to consider whether a single person is really reflective of the entire 8 million NYC residents.