Dating after major weight loss

[Anonymous]

Women are very conscious about physical appearance. I am a skinny man and every woman I have dated has made comments about my physique. It’s crazy.

[Anonymous]

oh boy this one hit soo close to home...
Its an issue, it sucks, esp if you look great in clothes but dread the intimacy as you will be "found out", i contemplated surgery but knew i wanted kids so didnt do it, dating was ok, im sure some guys had an issue with it, but nothing in my face, most rels even without loose skin dont work out, have wonderful hubbie, after being done having kids really wanted the surgery but now due to medical issues (not related to weight) cant get it....it sucks and takes away some life happiness but it is what it is, loose skin can be a factor for people to regain the weight-just make sure you work this out in therapy, date, its ok if someone is a jerk, jerks exists even in rels where the partner has tight skin....yes its adrawback--but just one out of millions others, most bear a cross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men do care.

Some men are jackasses. And others are Incels.

Apparently any man who has any opinion about any women is an incel.

- Your neighborhood incel

I mean, yeah, kinda. Men thinking they have the right to an opinion about other people's bodies are definitely on the incel spectrum.

Is incel now just the go to insult with no relation to what it actually means? The new gaslighting or similar to how women perpetually fck up what “POV” means in those stupid memes?

I judge women’s bodies and have had hot girlfriends, then a hot wife and now a hot GF a dozen years younger. Guess I’m an incel.

[Anonymous]

OP how did you lose the 140 pounds? That’s an amazing achievement. I come from a family of yo-yo dieters. My mom went up and down 60 or so lbs every few years. My brother and l inherited this. It sucks. I have lost and regained weight many times myself with no medication, and I’m on the high side now with about 80 lbs to lose. It’s daunting.

The reason l ask is because how you lost the weight impacts the likelihood of you gaining it back. Most people who lose it like l have just gain it back. So l know never to get rid of my fat clothes after l lose weight. It’s so depressing. I asked my doctor about weight loss drugs and she’s one of the doctors that says it needs to be saved for people with diabetes since there’s a shortage. I’m thinking how am l not at risk for diabetes at 80 lbs overweight? And swinging weight up and down so many times surely has some health consequences.

I think you owe it to people you’re dating to be honest that you’ve lost a lot of weigh, even if they can’t see it. I would think long and hard about having kids with someone like me who cannot keep the weight off. It’s a serious issue and people have the right to know what they’re getting into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP how did you lose the 140 pounds? That’s an amazing achievement. I come from a family of yo-yo dieters. My mom went up and down 60 or so lbs every few years. My brother and l inherited this. It sucks. I have lost and regained weight many times myself with no medication, and I’m on the high side now with about 80 lbs to lose. It’s daunting.

The reason l ask is because how you lost the weight impacts the likelihood of you gaining it back. Most people who lose it like l have just gain it back. So l know never to get rid of my fat clothes after l lose weight. It’s so depressing. I asked my doctor about weight loss drugs and she’s one of the doctors that says it needs to be saved for people with diabetes since there’s a shortage. I’m thinking how am l not at risk for diabetes at 80 lbs overweight? And swinging weight up and down so many times surely has some health consequences.

I think you owe it to people you’re dating to be honest that you’ve lost a lot of weigh, even if they can’t see it. I would think long and hard about having kids with someone like me who cannot keep the weight off. It’s a serious issue and people have the right to know what they’re getting into.

Im 10:58, come from high dysfunctional family with a lot of childhood trauma and mother who is borderline with yo yo eating herself, I cycled between 700cal and 5000 cal months, age 16 went from 140 to 250 pounds hence where my loose skin came from, 20s started therapy, cycled 140-180, so still yo yo but not that extreme, since 30s have maintained 130-150, and after kids in my now 40s have managed to be 130 for over 8 years, therapy, reading books on emotional/binge eating and working on myself totally worked, change can happen! PS I totally do not judge people who still struggle or who are on glps. I am just saying believe in yourself, you CAN be your potential...its not impossible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are very conscious about physical appearance. I am a skinny man and every woman I have dated has made comments about my physique. It’s crazy.

Comments like what? Like put down that you’re too skinny and need to work out more, or comments like you’re so lucky to have a great metabolism and/or good eating habits. I have made comment number 2 before, my ex was a skinny guy without effort and l would looooove to be a skinny gal without effort. So much better than those of us who struggle to maintain a healthy weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how did you lose the 140 pounds? That’s an amazing achievement. I come from a family of yo-yo dieters. My mom went up and down 60 or so lbs every few years. My brother and l inherited this. It sucks. I have lost and regained weight many times myself with no medication, and I’m on the high side now with about 80 lbs to lose. It’s daunting.

The reason l ask is because how you lost the weight impacts the likelihood of you gaining it back. Most people who lose it like l have just gain it back. So l know never to get rid of my fat clothes after l lose weight. It’s so depressing. I asked my doctor about weight loss drugs and she’s one of the doctors that says it needs to be saved for people with diabetes since there’s a shortage. I’m thinking how am l not at risk for diabetes at 80 lbs overweight? And swinging weight up and down so many times surely has some health consequences.

I think you owe it to people you’re dating to be honest that you’ve lost a lot of weigh, even if they can’t see it. I would think long and hard about having kids with someone like me who cannot keep the weight off. It’s a serious issue and people have the right to know what they’re getting into.

Im 10:58, come from high dysfunctional family with a lot of childhood trauma and mother who is borderline with yo yo eating herself, I cycled between 700cal and 5000 cal months, age 16 went from 140 to 250 pounds hence where my loose skin came from, 20s started therapy, cycled 140-180, so still yo yo but not that extreme, since 30s have maintained 130-150, and after kids in my now 40s have managed to be 130 for over 8 years, therapy, reading books on emotional/binge eating and working on myself totally worked, change can happen! PS I totally do not judge people who still struggle or who are on glps. I am just saying believe in yourself, you CAN be your potential...it’s not impossible.

Oh man, I’m the poster you replied to. I’m crying now. Good for you. I cannot see myself losing the weight again, it’s just too much. Hopefully some day l can make myself try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men do care.

Some men are jackasses. And others are Incels.

Apparently any man who has any opinion about any women is an incel.

- Your neighborhood incel

I mean, yeah, kinda. Men thinking they have the right to an opinion about other people's bodies are definitely on the incel spectrum.

Lmao. That word has lost all meaning for stupid people with limited vocabulary.

There is no spectrum.

You don't just wake up one morning and decide you're an incel. It's a slide that starts with entitlement and ends with the violent expression of same. Feeling like you're "owed" a "hot girlfriend" or some fsck. So yes, there is a spectrum, and it starts with men feeling entitled to commentary about other people, like the exist for your evaluation/judgment and pleasure. They don't, and if you don't understand that, you're step one down an incel path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how did you lose the 140 pounds? That’s an amazing achievement. I come from a family of yo-yo dieters. My mom went up and down 60 or so lbs every few years. My brother and l inherited this. It sucks. I have lost and regained weight many times myself with no medication, and I’m on the high side now with about 80 lbs to lose. It’s daunting.

The reason l ask is because how you lost the weight impacts the likelihood of you gaining it back. Most people who lose it like l have just gain it back. So l know never to get rid of my fat clothes after l lose weight. It’s so depressing. I asked my doctor about weight loss drugs and she’s one of the doctors that says it needs to be saved for people with diabetes since there’s a shortage. I’m thinking how am l not at risk for diabetes at 80 lbs overweight? And swinging weight up and down so many times surely has some health consequences.

I think you owe it to people you’re dating to be honest that you’ve lost a lot of weigh, even if they can’t see it. I would think long and hard about having kids with someone like me who cannot keep the weight off. It’s a serious issue and people have the right to know what they’re getting into.

Im 10:58, come from high dysfunctional family with a lot of childhood trauma and mother who is borderline with yo yo eating herself, I cycled between 700cal and 5000 cal months, age 16 went from 140 to 250 pounds hence where my loose skin came from, 20s started therapy, cycled 140-180, so still yo yo but not that extreme, since 30s have maintained 130-150, and after kids in my now 40s have managed to be 130 for over 8 years, therapy, reading books on emotional/binge eating and working on myself totally worked, change can happen! PS I totally do not judge people who still struggle or who are on glps. I am just saying believe in yourself, you CAN be your potential...it’s not impossible.

What kind of therapist did you go to? Specific for weight loss or more general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men do care.

Some men are jackasses. And others are Incels.

Apparently any man who has any opinion about any women is an incel.

- Your neighborhood incel

I mean, yeah, kinda. Men thinking they have the right to an opinion about other people's bodies are definitely on the incel spectrum.

Lmao. That word has lost all meaning for stupid people with limited vocabulary.

There is no spectrum.

You don't just wake up one morning and decide you're an incel. It's a slide that starts with entitlement and ends with the violent expression of same. Feeling like you're "owed" a "hot girlfriend" or some fsck. So yes, there is a spectrum, and it starts with men feeling entitled to commentary about other people, like the exist for your evaluation/judgment and pleasure. They don't, and if you don't understand that, you're step one down an incel path.

A man can go on whatever path of things you don’t approve of, and if he’s regularly having sex with parter(s) he desires, he’s not a incel. Did you recently learn English or how not read much and just repeat what you hear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men do care.

Some men are jackasses. And others are Incels.

Apparently any man who has any opinion about any women is an incel.

- Your neighborhood incel

I mean, yeah, kinda. Men thinking they have the right to an opinion about other people's bodies are definitely on the incel spectrum.

Lmao. That word has lost all meaning for stupid people with limited vocabulary.

There is no spectrum.

You don't just wake up one morning and decide you're an incel. It's a slide that starts with entitlement and ends with the violent expression of same. Feeling like you're "owed" a "hot girlfriend" or some fsck. So yes, there is a spectrum, and it starts with men feeling entitled to commentary about other people, like the exist for your evaluation/judgment and pleasure. They don't, and if you don't understand that, you're step one down an incel path.

A man can go on whatever path of things you don’t approve of, and if he’s regularly having sex with parter(s) he desires, he’s not a incel. Did you recently learn English or how not read much and just repeat what you hear?

And when he whines about not getting laid every day? Insult me all you like; it's comedy from someone so dim/deliberately obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5, single, and recently lost 140lbs. I have stretch marks - started during puberty but had more with weight gain - on most areas of my body. I have loose skin - looking into getting skin removal surgery. I’m ready to get out there and date after being single for many years, but I’m very self- conscious about the stretch marks and my loose skin. I don’t like wearing certain clothes because of it. I’m also weary of having to tell someone I lost that much weight. How do I get over this because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.

If you're not comfortable in/with your skin, you can't expect others to be. If it bothers you this much, you'll project that insecurity into any relationship.

The problem isn't that you have a normal body. The problem is that you don't value and respect your own body and what it has been through and done for you. You will attract "partners" who validate your insecurities.

Date yourself. Love yourself. If you decide you want surgery, okay. But the posters suggesting you should take on debt to change your appearance have it all backwards. You might hate those scars, too. Surgery as a solution tends to snowball into more body loathing, more critiques, more surgery...

You don't have to be a flawless object to be worthy of love, respect and good care. A "high caliber" partner would also see it that way, and value your body for the fact that it holds the rest of what makes you who you are.

If you want someone who's interested purely in your body, follow the other advice. If you want to date for a relationship, work on your relationship with yourself so your standards are properly calibrated first.

🙄 Spoken like someone who's never lost 140 pounds.

Babe, I've lost 100, gained most of it back, lost 40 and counting again, had two kids (nursed both), and have had stretch marks the width of my pinkie since I was a teen because I have EDS. So if you want to hate your body, go on ahead with that. But it's optional, and doing the psychological work is part of losing dead weight.

Amen, Beautiful! Love from a sister goddess ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To get over it - work on body acceptance. Your weight then, and now, is a neutral characteristic and doesn't define your worth now or then. And look into the skin removal to see if that would be appropriate for your situation. (and, no, body acceptance and skin removal, if appropriate, are not incompatible)

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I had weight loss surgery, lost 110 pounds, then had a tummy tuck and breast lift to remove most of the loose skin. Honestly, I think you'll attract a much higher caliber of man if you wait until after you've had the skin removal surgeries. And now a bunch of pollyannas will chime in to say a good man won't care about loose skin, but that is just not true. The men who date deformed women (because honestly that's kinda what it is) are either unemployed losers or men looking to prey on women with low self-esteem (which they'll assume you have regardless of whether you do). And recovery from the surgery is serious business, so just focus on that. I used Dr. Dean Jabs in Bethesda and had a great result. PPs are right that men don't care about stretch marks, but that's not what you're dealing with. Your weight loss journey is not done yet, and I found it took my mind years to catch up with my new body even after the plastic surgery. Focus on that.

How much did the surgery cost? Scarring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5, single, and recently lost 140lbs. I have stretch marks - started during puberty but had more with weight gain - on most areas of my body. I have loose skin - looking into getting skin removal surgery. I’m ready to get out there and date after being single for many years, but I’m very self- conscious about the stretch marks and my loose skin. I don’t like wearing certain clothes because of it. I’m also weary of having to tell someone I lost that much weight. How do I get over this because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.

Yes but none of that helps with getting a decent man unfortunately.

If you're not comfortable in/with your skin, you can't expect others to be. If it bothers you this much, you'll project that insecurity into any relationship.

The problem isn't that you have a normal body. The problem is that you don't value and respect your own body and what it has been through and done for you. You will attract "partners" who validate your insecurities.

Date yourself. Love yourself. If you decide you want surgery, okay. But the posters suggesting you should take on debt to change your appearance have it all backwards. You might hate those scars, too. Surgery as a solution tends to snowball into more body loathing, more critiques, more surgery...

You don't have to be a flawless object to be worthy of love, respect and good care. A "high caliber" partner would also see it that way, and value your body for the fact that it holds the rest of what makes you who you are.

If you want someone who's interested purely in your body, follow the other advice. If you want to date for a relationship, work on your relationship with yourself so your standards are properly calibrated first.

🙄 Spoken like someone who's never lost 140 pounds.

Babe, I've lost 100, gained most of it back, lost 40 and counting again, had two kids (nursed both), and have had stretch marks the width of my pinkie since I was a teen because I have EDS. So if you want to hate your body, go on ahead with that. But it's optional, and doing the psychological work is part of losing dead weight.