Dating after major weight loss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on guys who have imperfect bodies themselves. Some will still be entitled jerks, but fewer.

This isn’t how male delusions work. The ugliest, fattest, most bottom-tier men still think they deserve Angelina Jolie in her prime and anything else is settling.

[Anonymous]

That's only true for the incel crowd that have never touched a woman.

[Anonymous]

OP - don’t let thoughts of your body interfere with intimacy, pleasure and connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on guys who have imperfect bodies themselves. Some will still be entitled jerks, but fewer.

This isn’t how male delusions work. The ugliest, fattest, most bottom-tier men still think they deserve Angelina Jolie in her prime and anything else is settling.

This is so so so true.

[Anonymous]

Man here. I've dated women of all shapes and sizes. I think I can envision what you're talking about and have been with women like that -- loose skin on your arms, stomach are, etc and various stretch marks. Some will mind, some won't. Especially as we get older, it's normal to have "imperfect" bodies -- it's called life.

I think losing that much weight is a great achievement and that will be impressive to many guys. Just have a postitive attitude, and dress so you enhance your assets.

[Anonymous]

Guys do care about stretch marks. I gained and lost weight as a teen so I had them young and guys would say “what’s that???” When I’d get undressed. They were horrified. They had I guess never seen them before. Older guys may be used to seeing them more so but let’s just say it’s not a positive association.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5, single, and recently lost 140lbs. I have stretch marks - started during puberty but had more with weight gain - on most areas of my body. I have loose skin - looking into getting skin removal surgery. I’m ready to get out there and date after being single for many years, but I’m very self- conscious about the stretch marks and my loose skin. I don’t like wearing certain clothes because of it. I’m also weary of having to tell someone I lost that much weight. How do I get over this because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.

If you're not comfortable in/with your skin, you can't expect others to be. If it bothers you this much, you'll project that insecurity into any relationship.

The problem isn't that you have a normal body. The problem is that you don't value and respect your own body and what it has been through and done for you. You will attract "partners" who validate your insecurities.

Date yourself. Love yourself. If you decide you want surgery, okay. But the posters suggesting you should take on debt to change your appearance have it all backwards. You might hate those scars, too. Surgery as a solution tends to snowball into more body loathing, more critiques, more surgery...

You don't have to be a flawless object to be worthy of love, respect and good care. A "high caliber" partner would also see it that way, and value your body for the fact that it holds the rest of what makes you who you are.

If you want someone who's interested purely in your body, follow the other advice. If you want to date for a relationship, work on your relationship with yourself so your standards are properly calibrated first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men do care.

Some men are jackasses. And others are Incels.

Apparently any man who has any opinion about any women is an incel.

- Your neighborhood incel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men do care.

Some men are jackasses. And others are Incels.

Apparently any man who has any opinion about any women is an incel.

- Your neighborhood incel

I mean, yeah, kinda. Men thinking they have the right to an opinion about other people's bodies are definitely on the incel spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5, single, and recently lost 140lbs. I have stretch marks - started during puberty but had more with weight gain - on most areas of my body. I have loose skin - looking into getting skin removal surgery. I’m ready to get out there and date after being single for many years, but I’m very self- conscious about the stretch marks and my loose skin. I don’t like wearing certain clothes because of it. I’m also weary of having to tell someone I lost that much weight. How do I get over this because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.

If you're not comfortable in/with your skin, you can't expect others to be. If it bothers you this much, you'll project that insecurity into any relationship.

The problem isn't that you have a normal body. The problem is that you don't value and respect your own body and what it has been through and done for you. You will attract "partners" who validate your insecurities.

Date yourself. Love yourself. If you decide you want surgery, okay. But the posters suggesting you should take on debt to change your appearance have it all backwards. You might hate those scars, too. Surgery as a solution tends to snowball into more body loathing, more critiques, more surgery...

You don't have to be a flawless object to be worthy of love, respect and good care. A "high caliber" partner would also see it that way, and value your body for the fact that it holds the rest of what makes you who you are.

If you want someone who's interested purely in your body, follow the other advice. If you want to date for a relationship, work on your relationship with yourself so your standards are properly calibrated first.

🙄 Spoken like someone who's never lost 140 pounds.

[Anonymous]

A lot of men and women might find a lot of loose skin confronting...especially if they see it before they really know you as a person.

I would say however that there are also a lot of men and women out there with their own far from perfect bodies who aren't going to be hung up on that. At least starting out, until you build confidence, date people with really imperfect bodies.

For some men and women, visual attraction plays a big role in their overall attraction, for other people the emotional connection builds their attraction. Demisexuals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some men do care.

Some men are jackasses. And others are Incels.

Apparently any man who has any opinion about any women is an incel.

- Your neighborhood incel

I mean, yeah, kinda. Men thinking they have the right to an opinion about other people's bodies are definitely on the incel spectrum.

Lmao. That word has lost all meaning for stupid people with limited vocabulary.

There is no spectrum.

[Anonymous]

See a cosmetics doctor about the purple or white stretch marks of flabby skin.
It may be covered in your case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5, single, and recently lost 140lbs. I have stretch marks - started during puberty but had more with weight gain - on most areas of my body. I have loose skin - looking into getting skin removal surgery. I’m ready to get out there and date after being single for many years, but I’m very self- conscious about the stretch marks and my loose skin. I don’t like wearing certain clothes because of it. I’m also weary of having to tell someone I lost that much weight. How do I get over this because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.

If you're not comfortable in/with your skin, you can't expect others to be. If it bothers you this much, you'll project that insecurity into any relationship.

The problem isn't that you have a normal body. The problem is that you don't value and respect your own body and what it has been through and done for you. You will attract "partners" who validate your insecurities.

Date yourself. Love yourself. If you decide you want surgery, okay. But the posters suggesting you should take on debt to change your appearance have it all backwards. You might hate those scars, too. Surgery as a solution tends to snowball into more body loathing, more critiques, more surgery...

You don't have to be a flawless object to be worthy of love, respect and good care. A "high caliber" partner would also see it that way, and value your body for the fact that it holds the rest of what makes you who you are.

If you want someone who's interested purely in your body, follow the other advice. If you want to date for a relationship, work on your relationship with yourself so your standards are properly calibrated first.

🙄 Spoken like someone who's never lost 140 pounds.

I’ve lost 80 - and I agree with above. OP is making her THOUGHTS about her body a barrier to love and pleasure and connection. It doesn’t matter that others may agree with her. Many others won’t.

We also know the “beautiful” girl who obsesses about perceived imperfections, who has boyfriends / lovers who criticize her for the same thing / feed off insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5, single, and recently lost 140lbs. I have stretch marks - started during puberty but had more with weight gain - on most areas of my body. I have loose skin - looking into getting skin removal surgery. I’m ready to get out there and date after being single for many years, but I’m very self- conscious about the stretch marks and my loose skin. I don’t like wearing certain clothes because of it. I’m also weary of having to tell someone I lost that much weight. How do I get over this because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.

If you're not comfortable in/with your skin, you can't expect others to be. If it bothers you this much, you'll project that insecurity into any relationship.

The problem isn't that you have a normal body. The problem is that you don't value and respect your own body and what it has been through and done for you. You will attract "partners" who validate your insecurities.

Date yourself. Love yourself. If you decide you want surgery, okay. But the posters suggesting you should take on debt to change your appearance have it all backwards. You might hate those scars, too. Surgery as a solution tends to snowball into more body loathing, more critiques, more surgery...

You don't have to be a flawless object to be worthy of love, respect and good care. A "high caliber" partner would also see it that way, and value your body for the fact that it holds the rest of what makes you who you are.

If you want someone who's interested purely in your body, follow the other advice. If you want to date for a relationship, work on your relationship with yourself so your standards are properly calibrated first.

🙄 Spoken like someone who's never lost 140 pounds.

Babe, I've lost 100, gained most of it back, lost 40 and counting again, had two kids (nursed both), and have had stretch marks the width of my pinkie since I was a teen because I have EDS. So if you want to hate your body, go on ahead with that. But it's optional, and doing the psychological work is part of losing dead weight.