Could you forgive?

[Anonymous]

How are you doing, OP?

[Anonymous]

I find the fact that he kissed another woman in fact cheating & the only reason they didn’t have sex is likely because your husband has ED issues.

So your husband has basically shown you that he doesn’t have the ability to stay true to you + your marriage. 😔

At this stage, I would never settle so I would let him go.
It is your only option for getting your life back.

Otherwise you will always wonder if his feelings for this other woman take precedence over his feelings for you. 💔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I’m so sorry. I want to punch your DH.

Yeah, he's a real jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op please listen to me as someone who has unfortunately spent sooo much time on infidelity groups and forums, books, support groups, etc. Two adults who see each other in person do not have EAs. There is always a dday 2 and it is always "it was actually a PA". There may be several trickle truths in between...we just kissed turns into we touched over the clothes turns into we did everything but PIV turns into we had sex once turns into it was a full blown EA anD PA. It happens 99% of the time.

Please get yourself an STD check for good measures. Liars and cheaters lie and cheat. I'm so sorry.

Maybe. I had an emotional affair, and that’s all it was. It was pretty intense to me, and DH was very patient and kind about the whole thing. I think he was mostly relieved I never crossed a physical line with the other guy. I’m very grateful I caught myself.

[Anonymous]

^ What steps have you taken to make sure it doesn't happen again? How have you improved your boundaries? Every couple should be required to read Not Just Friends.

[Anonymous]

OP, how are you doing? Have you been able to do any lawyer consults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op please listen to me as someone who has unfortunately spent sooo much time on infidelity groups and forums, books, support groups, etc. Two adults who see each other in person do not have EAs. There is always a dday 2 and it is always "it was actually a PA". There may be several trickle truths in between...we just kissed turns into we touched over the clothes turns into we did everything but PIV turns into we had sex once turns into it was a full blown EA anD PA. It happens 99% of the time.

Please get yourself an STD check for good measures. Liars and cheaters lie and cheat. I'm so sorry.

Maybe. I had an emotional affair, and that’s all it was. It was pretty intense to me, and DH was very patient and kind about the whole thing. I think he was mostly relieved I never crossed a physical line with the other guy. I’m very grateful I caught myself.

How did your DH find out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ What steps have you taken to make sure it doesn't happen again? How have you improved your boundaries? Every couple should be required to read Not Just Friends.

Never say never but I have no real interest in other men, it was more of a fantasy/midlife crisis than anything and I don’t think I would have ever slept with the guy even given the opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op please listen to me as someone who has unfortunately spent sooo much time on infidelity groups and forums, books, support groups, etc. Two adults who see each other in person do not have EAs. There is always a dday 2 and it is always "it was actually a PA". There may be several trickle truths in between...we just kissed turns into we touched over the clothes turns into we did everything but PIV turns into we had sex once turns into it was a full blown EA anD PA. It happens 99% of the time.

Please get yourself an STD check for good measures. Liars and cheaters lie and cheat. I'm so sorry.

Maybe. I had an emotional affair, and that’s all it was. It was pretty intense to me, and DH was very patient and kind about the whole thing. I think he was mostly relieved I never crossed a physical line with the other guy. I’m very grateful I caught myself.

How did your DH find out?

I told him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ What steps have you taken to make sure it doesn't happen again? How have you improved your boundaries? Every couple should be required to read Not Just Friends.

Never say never but I have no real interest in other men, it was more of a fantasy/midlife crisis than anything and I don’t think I would have ever slept with the guy even given the opportunity.

Any advice for ending things with EA. I am contemplating telling my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ What steps have you taken to make sure it doesn't happen again? How have you improved your boundaries? Every couple should be required to read Not Just Friends.

Never say never but I have no real interest in other men, it was more of a fantasy/midlife crisis than anything and I don’t think I would have ever slept with the guy even given the opportunity.

Any advice for ending things with EA. I am contemplating telling my DH.

Cut off the emotional affair partner, preferably very firmly and cold turkey. The longer and more wistful the goodbye the more painful. Trust me, I know!!!

Get into individual therapy to figure out the source of this and be really honest about how strong your feelings are for your EA partner.

Get into couples therapy to fix the issues in your relationship that may have contributed to this.

Fix whatever other source of dissatisfaction like your career.

[Anonymous]

This is problematic for the spouse that doesn’t want the emotional affair to end.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Please get your ducks in order, because I have a feeling what is going to happen is: 1) he ends it with her and she goes to HR in anger and he loses his job or 2) he leaves you for her. In either case, you need to look out for yourself. I’m sorry, I don’t see a happy ending in this case. He sucks and you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is no longer in love with you. Even if he breaks this affair off and never contacts this woman, the spark that you two no longer have, existed with her.

You can stay with him knowing this, but he will never be the same. He will forever crave something you can’t give him.

Hahah not true AP

Take it from a cheater, if we were in love with our spouse we would never risk the marriage.

Nobody is “in love” anymore after a few years. But you can still live your spouse very deeply and make mistakes. It’s human nature after all.

Sure if that makes you feel better for staying with your cheating spouse. Think about it, would someone that loves their spouse risk hurting them and loosing them?

I would be fine if my spouse wanted a divorce and that’s why I cheat.

I'm sorry but I hate cheaters. Would you be OK if she just spent all of your money because she was fine if you wanted a divorce? No? Then grow a pair and end it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’m a pp. your DH has blown up your life ,doing this with a married subordinate. Do you work/ have your own income? If he needs to find a new job now regardless of whether you two stay together. I’d tell the other husband or this won’t end.

That’s a great way to get OP’s DH fired and threaten their income. OP's husband needs to find a new job stat, then OP can decide where to go from there.

Stupid idea to have an affair w/ a co-worker, even worse that this appears to be a supervisor/supervisee situation.