Dating an older man - 20 years older

[Anonymous]

OP, a 30 year old dating a 50 year old is either not very attractive; has low self esteem; or has "daddy issues."

You know it's not a good idea which is why you are looking here for support.

Of all the people in the world why get involved with someone 50 years older than you. He's a man. Just like every other man. He wants to fuck you. That's it. You mean nothing else to him. Don't kid yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think men dating or marrying much younger women (15 years or so) fall into 2 categories: loser guys and wealthy guys. Of course, there is sometimes an overlap here.

100%

Yep totally agree!! 40 year old men with 20 year old women- we aren't jealous! Anytime I see a guy like that's I thank the universe for getting him out of my 40 year old dating pool. Ain't nobody got time for that! When I see never married 40 year old men with 30 year olds, all I can see is "ISSUES" flashing in neon lights over their heads. They need someone young to control, to make them feel like a man. Eventually the 20 year olds grow up and figure out who they are and dump the guys. Then they're 50 year olds chasing 30 year olds and the cycle continues. Thank you for getting this guy off the market, op!

[Anonymous]

Sorry meant 40 year olds with 20 yr olds. Typo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think men dating or marrying much younger women (15 years or so) fall into 2 categories: loser guys and wealthy guys. Of course, there is sometimes an overlap here.

100%

Yep totally agree!! 40 year old men with 20 year old women- we aren't jealous! Anytime I see a guy like that's I thank the universe for getting him out of my 40 year old dating pool. Ain't nobody got time for that! When I see never married 40 year old men with 30 year olds, all I can see is "ISSUES" flashing in neon lights over their heads. They need someone young to control, to make them feel like a man. Eventually the 20 year olds grow up and figure out who they are and dump the guys. Then they're 50 year olds chasing 30 year olds and the cycle continues. Thank you for getting this guy off the market, op!

40 year old with 30 year old is perfect. That's a perfect age difference .

[Anonymous]

^^ PP can't read. It was a typo.

[Anonymous]

Compete lack of sexual attraction with that age difference; in fact, I don't even notice substantially older men.

[Anonymous]

I know one couple. He was 50, twice divorced with two kids from different marriages, middle class. He was looking for a wife in a third world country. She was 25 with little prospect of getting married. She's attractive, tall and thin like model.

They have been married for under 10 years now. Had a kid. He's very controlling. Doesn't let her have friends, get a job or go to school. He didn't want her to learn to drive a car, he likes her to stay at home and tend to him. Very patriarchal style of family. He doesn't help her with the kid at all. Constantly demands servicing. She's anxious and feels very protected by him. He manipulates her by playing on her fears. Not a good dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know one couple. He was 50, twice divorced with two kids from different marriages, middle class. He was looking for a wife in a third world country. She was 25 with little prospect of getting married. She's attractive, tall and thin like model.

They have been married for under 10 years now. Had a kid. He's very controlling. Doesn't let her have friends, get a job or go to school. He didn't want her to learn to drive a car, he likes her to stay at home and tend to him. Very patriarchal style of family. He doesn't help her with the kid at all. Constantly demands servicing. She's anxious and feels very protected by him. He manipulates her by playing on her fears. Not a good dynamic.

This is obviously a little bit different than the OP's example. In your example, he basically married a desperate woman, from a "third world country," so he could control her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone can get sick or infirm at any time. Go for it, OP. "Being the only 50 year old at a gathering of 70 year olds" is twenty years down the road, for heaven's sake, and the bulk of your time is not spent at gatherings. People on these boards relish other people's loss and misery, so ignore the naysayers.

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

20 yr gap isn’t much. Working great for Trump!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe strongly in the classic formula:

((older person's age)/2 + 7 = (lowest partner age))

For a 50 year old:
50/2 + 7 = 32

At 30, you're already a couple of years below a 50 year old's floor. I know 30 is only 2 years young than 32, but the formula is already lenient. It allows for greater differences in age as you get older, as those differences gradually mean less. If he was in his mid-40s, I'd say go for it.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Maybe he is unusually fit and youthful looking, or has enough money or personality to make up for it? Patrick Stewart was the "Sexiest Man in America" in his 50s.

I hate to say it, but unless he has enough money that you don't have to worry about affording medical care, or help around the house as he ages, I would tread cautiously.

Everyone talks of this classic formula, but they forget that this formula was for men from ages 18 to 30 years. It was not for really old guys, like a 60 year old man with a 37 year old woman, Which is quite creepy.


So for a 18 year old :
18/2 + 7 = 16


For a 30 year old man:
30/2 + 7 = 22

Both of those ages work quite well for the *lowest* possible age.

It's not "creepy" for a 60 year old to be dating someone who is almost 40. 60 with a 20 year old would be creepy.

What?! A 60 yo dating a 39 yo is definitely creepy!

Seriously, what is wrong with you. Are you under the impression that a 39-year-old woman can be taken advantage of by predatory older men? That's a pretty dim view of women you have.

[Anonymous]

Doubtful but if he wants to have more children then can’t hurt. Of course when you’re 50 he’ll be 70. I assume he has money or else you wouldn’t be interested.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man in my mid 50s. I had a GF who was mid 30s. I couldn't see getting super serious because things seemed imbalanced between us. My therapist thought I was a fool not to commit to her because she was nice, attractive, and intelligent.

I'm sure my body will fall apart before her body will but I was actually more physically fit/active than she was.

Sometimes I told her I thought I was too old for her. She'd get angry. She said I was condescending for saying that. She knew what she wanted. She said she was much more attracted to older men than men her own age. She really was very attracted to me, which made the sex out of this world.

Now she's with a guy in his early 60s! Meanwhile, I'm dating women my own age and not enjoying anything close to the kind of chemistry I had with her.

[Anonymous]

I am in my 40s and I was dating a woman in her 20s. It was the best sex. I miss it. The relationship wasn’t going anywhere though because we were in different places in life. She didn’t want kids. I have kids from my first marriage. She was never bothered by the age gap. In fact I might have been bothered more by it.