the case for not divorcing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many people on here are all "think of what you're role modeling for the children if you're not affectionate / don't love each other / are playing pleasant for the children!!!"

Yes ideally all children would have parents that are married, communicate well, love each other, model great boundaries etc etc etc. But the reality is that's a small % of marriages with young children

Do you divorce if you're not that b/c you're not role modelling an ideal marriage for the kids?

Well I just texted a mom about a playdate with her daughter this weekend. She said it's the dad's weekend. The dad said he's out of town but to text the step mom. The step mom said it sounded fun but she didn't feel like the drive and it might mess up her toddlers nap time so no thanks.

Is this devastating to their kid? No. I'm sure you could argue that its great for the girl to learn to compromise. But she has new babies in both families and those families are both oriented around their full time kids instead of adapting the baby into the existing (part time) kids needs. Lets not minimize the impact of new spouses and new kids and lots of competing priorities and hierarchies of importance on a kids life. That truly can be more damaging to kids than parents stay together as platonic roommates instead of romantic partners. When second marriages have an even higher divorce rate we think thats providing a better model?

And I say this as a person who wished her parents would divorce each other when I was in high school bc they so clearly hated each other and the tension was so high

I don't know what you are thinking.

Nothing you wrote makes sense.

I grew up in a house where my parents stayed together for the "kids" absolute fail.

My brother and his wife did this and they ruined their only child.

I'm sure you would have been much better off in a blended household with a new dad who walked around in his underwear and his kids who tormented you and got much nicer stuff. That always ends well.

Projecting much?

Pot meet kettle

Horse meet wagon.

[Anonymous]

I would never want my kids around boyfriends/gfs/step parents. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you drive her OP?

Personally I think remarrying and having babies when you have young kids is pretty tacky so I’m with you there.

Same. So trashy.

Quick, everyone stop living your lives because two losers on DCUM think it's "tacky and trashy."

BTW tacky and trashy are words you use when you're uneducated and haven't read enough to learn other, more descriptive words.

That’s not it. I have many other words. But, that is not how words work. Tacky and trashy are absolutely perfect here so one need not expand. The most educated people know that words should be precise.

One could say selfish, unfair, shortsighted, small, limited, stifling, sad. All would work.

And don’t forget “stupid”

I think it's stupid and limited and small to stay in a situation that is horrible for your mental and physical health under the guise that you're some kind of a martyr for your kids. If you want to stay married, by all means, have at it. To call the choices of other people all the names you listed when you have absolutely no idea what they are going through is the epitome of trashy and tacky.

Live your life. It’s all about you and your happiness. Kids be damned. You’re #1.

Like I said, fakey fake martyrdom is so much more noble. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you drive her OP?

Personally I think remarrying and having babies when you have young kids is pretty tacky so I’m with you there.

Same. So trashy.

Quick, everyone stop living your lives because two losers on DCUM think it's "tacky and trashy."

BTW tacky and trashy are words you use when you're uneducated and haven't read enough to learn other, more descriptive words.

That’s not it. I have many other words. But, that is not how words work. Tacky and trashy are absolutely perfect here so one need not expand. The most educated people know that words should be precise.

One could say selfish, unfair, shortsighted, small, limited, stifling, sad. All would work.

And don’t forget “stupid”

I think it's stupid and limited and small to stay in a situation that is horrible for your mental and physical health under the guise that you're some kind of a martyr for your kids. If you want to stay married, by all means, have at it. To call the choices of other people all the names you listed when you have absolutely no idea what they are going through is the epitome of trashy and tacky.

Live your life. It’s all about you and your happiness. Kids be damned. You’re #1.

Like I said, fakey fake martyrdom is so much more noble. You do you.

NP
wtf is fakey fake martyrdom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you drive her OP?

Personally I think remarrying and having babies when you have young kids is pretty tacky so I’m with you there.

Same. So trashy.

Quick, everyone stop living your lives because two losers on DCUM think it's "tacky and trashy."

BTW tacky and trashy are words you use when you're uneducated and haven't read enough to learn other, more descriptive words.

That’s not it. I have many other words. But, that is not how words work. Tacky and trashy are absolutely perfect here so one need not expand. The most educated people know that words should be precise.

One could say selfish, unfair, shortsighted, small, limited, stifling, sad. All would work.

And don’t forget “stupid”

I think it's stupid and limited and small to stay in a situation that is horrible for your mental and physical health under the guise that you're some kind of a martyr for your kids. If you want to stay married, by all means, have at it. To call the choices of other people all the names you listed when you have absolutely no idea what they are going through is the epitome of trashy and tacky.

Live your life. It’s all about you and your happiness. Kids be damned. You’re #1.

Like I said, fakey fake martyrdom is so much more noble. You do you.

NP
wtf is fakey fake martyrdom?

Staying married to a cereal cheater "for kid's sake" for example. Staying married to an alcoholic or a gambler, because you don't want kids to be from "a broken home." Your home is already broken, dear. You just don't have the guts to leave. That's the only difference.

[Anonymous]

*serial not "cereal."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you drive her OP?

Personally I think remarrying and having babies when you have young kids is pretty tacky so I’m with you there.

Same. So trashy.

Quick, everyone stop living your lives because two losers on DCUM think it's "tacky and trashy."

BTW tacky and trashy are words you use when you're uneducated and haven't read enough to learn other, more descriptive words.

That’s not it. I have many other words. But, that is not how words work. Tacky and trashy are absolutely perfect here so one need not expand. The most educated people know that words should be precise.

One could say selfish, unfair, shortsighted, small, limited, stifling, sad. All would work.

And don’t forget “stupid”

I think it's stupid and limited and small to stay in a situation that is horrible for your mental and physical health under the guise that you're some kind of a martyr for your kids. If you want to stay married, by all means, have at it. To call the choices of other people all the names you listed when you have absolutely no idea what they are going through is the epitome of trashy and tacky.

Live your life. It’s all about you and your happiness. Kids be damned. You’re #1.

Like I said, fakey fake martyrdom is so much more noble. You do you.

NP
wtf is fakey fake martyrdom?

Staying married to a cereal cheater "for kid's sake" for example. Staying married to an alcoholic or a gambler, because you don't want kids to be from "a broken home." Your home is already broken, dear. You just don't have the guts to leave. That's the only difference.

OP is not in any of the situations you listed. I’d agree with you if she was. But her and her husband are just living like roommates. There’s no martyrdom in staying in that situation.

[Anonymous]

So stay married no one is forcing you to divorce.
And hopefully your husband feels the same way about never divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you drive her OP?

Personally I think remarrying and having babies when you have young kids is pretty tacky so I’m with you there.

Same. So trashy.

Quick, everyone stop living your lives because two losers on DCUM think it's "tacky and trashy."

BTW tacky and trashy are words you use when you're uneducated and haven't read enough to learn other, more descriptive words.

That’s not it. I have many other words. But, that is not how words work. Tacky and trashy are absolutely perfect here so one need not expand. The most educated people know that words should be precise.

One could say selfish, unfair, shortsighted, small, limited, stifling, sad. All would work.

And don’t forget “stupid”

I think it's stupid and limited and small to stay in a situation that is horrible for your mental and physical health under the guise that you're some kind of a martyr for your kids. If you want to stay married, by all means, have at it. To call the choices of other people all the names you listed when you have absolutely no idea what they are going through is the epitome of trashy and tacky.

Live your life. It’s all about you and your happiness. Kids be damned. You’re #1.

Like I said, fakey fake martyrdom is so much more noble. You do you.

NP
wtf is fakey fake martyrdom?

Staying married to a cereal cheater "for kid's sake" for example. Staying married to an alcoholic or a gambler, because you don't want kids to be from "a broken home." Your home is already broken, dear. You just don't have the guts to leave. That's the only difference.

OP is not in any of the situations you listed. I’d agree with you if she was. But her and her husband are just living like roommates. There’s no martyrdom in staying in that situation.

OK but she has no idea why anyone else divorces. Why pass judgment? What good does that do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to paint an unrealistic fairy tale version of marriage either. It’s not realistic.

Kids can learn by seeing their parents disagree, compromise, make mistakes and apologize for them. Long marriages aren’t going to be constantly grabbing @ss and making out. Fwiw, kids get weirded out seeing their parents overly demonstrative in that arena.

A family that’s solid. Kids are supported. And even if the parents are more businesslike us going to be much healthier for them than divorce.

Well said!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are way too quick to get divorced in this country. Learn to forgive and work things out.

Why should I forgive when the people who hurt me never apologized and admitted their mistakes?

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people don't realize that there will be rough years and rough periods of time. As a kid and teen I was always sad my parents didn't have date nights and didn't hold hands, etc. As an adult I'm thrilled that they're married. They're such wonderful grandparents together and they get 2x the grandparent time that they'd get if they were divorced. They take my kids to dinner and on outings constantly which would be too much for just one of them to do. Now that they're retired, they enjoy spending time together so much more.

And most importantly to me, they help each other through health crises and accompany each other to doctor's appts. They manage their house together too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people don't realize that there will be rough years and rough periods of time. As a kid and teen I was always sad my parents didn't have date nights and didn't hold hands, etc. As an adult I'm thrilled that they're married. They're such wonderful grandparents together and they get 2x the grandparent time that they'd get if they were divorced. They take my kids to dinner and on outings constantly which would be too much for just one of them to do. Now that they're retired, they enjoy spending time together so much more.

And most importantly to me, they help each other through health crises and accompany each other to doctor's appts. They manage their house together too.

+100. I’m so glad my folks weathered the storm. I didn’t have an adult’s understanding either, so my perspective as a teen was not even accurate.

[Anonymous]

These are two different cases.

I would argue that unhappy couples should get divorced.

However, I would also argue that blended and new families should also be avoided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never want my kids around boyfriends/gfs/step parents. Ever.

Agree. And been divorced 5 years!