Baby at 51?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who had a baby on her own (using DE) at 50. Kid is 3. She seems like she is loving life.

Well, is the kid going to love this setup as a young adult?
I've known a few people with older parents. They don't love it. One of them moved far away from parents and started his own family early. Guess he really didn't want to do that to his own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Almost everything humans do is selfish. Having a kid at any age is arguably selfish. So it’s really about whether you can live with not having tried.

I think you can be super super happy without kids but it’s up to you!!

Good luck.

Having a child is the most selfless thing you can do. How is that selfish?! It’s the hardest job you’ll ever have!

[Anonymous]

Don’t have an infant at 52. Foster or adopt an older child if you care so deeply about parenting a child.

[Anonymous]

I work at a hospital - and the oldest mom of newborn I encountered was 52. It was an IVF baby. It was her second child with first at 50. She was married. She seemed to be in good shape and happy and capable.

[Anonymous]

The early years take a toll. It’s a lot harder to deal with sleep deprivation when you’re older. Your tolerance for mess, chaos, and drama will go down. You won’t be as physically energetic as you were in your 20s. You might still be able to play catch and backyard soccer, but they’ll be outrunning you by age 2.

You will also be exposed to an array of novel and exciting germs for the first time in decades. Be prepared to be sick nonstop when they hit daycare/preschool/kindergarten.

You may also feel out of step with the other moms, who will all be 20 years younger than you.

On the other hand, children are a joy, and every situation is different. I’ve known people who were far less suited to be parents at age 25. Make sure your finances, health, and support system are rock solid, and that your job is flexible enough to handle the inevitable situations that arise. Best of luck with your decision!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Will society judge me too hard if I have a baby at 51? If it’s even possible biologically.

I have a cousin who graduated architecht school at 36. We were talking about life and she said that it’s not too late to do things you want.
Her example was her becoming an architect at an older age.

But are these the same ?

I want this pretty bad. Is it that selfish? I don’t feel old at all.

Do it. No it isn't too old. It isn't selfish. You'll be just fine.

Also, this is the wrong place imo for this question. For some reason people here are passionately against having kids past 39. It's an odd thing here and just remember this is an anonymous board. DO it. My good friend had a child at 50 and she's the best mom and very happy.

Donna Mills' first child at 54 (now 28 years old and thriving), Jane Seymore twins at 50 and both thriving in college, Adrienne Barbeau twins at 50, Janet Jackson's first at 50, Naomi Campbell' first at 51 and her 2nd at 53, Supermodel Cheryl Tiegs had twins at 52, Brigitte Nelson had a child at 54, the list goes on and on... Most IVF Dr's cut off is 55. DO IT if that is what you want and no need to ask others what they think except your Dr.

Notice that all these people are rich celebrities. They will hire out all childcare.

[Anonymous]

I’m 55. I had my kid late-ish, at 40. Up until I was around 50, I thought, oh I could still do this again. Now that there is another five years gone, no way could I be dealing with a preschooler again. You might be very healthy, but around your late 50s, all kinds of things pop up and suddenly you’re on a course of running through doctors and managing conditions. I’m not ill, but I have a bum knee and the hereditary high blood pressure has kicked in, my back hurts, etc. I’m still not fully in menopause, but these last years are also a mess and playing with me. You really don’t know which one you are going to be - you could be that “in perfect condition at 60” person, but odds are you won’t be.

I’m also a single parent, and you don’t realize the drain when EVERYTHING falls to you. At least my kid is now a teenager, and can be trusted to do some things on their own. They can be left alone for a few hours, get themselves to and from school, grab themselves a meal. Also, my kid has some mild SN, so there is no guarantee that at 18 or 21 they will be happily launched and truly self sufficient. Imagine if I was staring down this same thing at 65, with ten more years of aging.

Now, one thing that is more appealing to me at this age is fostering, because there are older kids out there who need stability and a home, and that’s more of a vibe I could do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have older parents (dad was 50 when I was born). Don’t do this to a child. I spent my childhood worrying my dad was going to die because of his age-related health issues. Now I’m raising small kids while he is end of life. Do not do it.

This. Don't do it! I had my only child at the age of 39 and my spouse was 50. My child, who is 9 now, almost never see their grandparents- they're old and sick and unable to help in any way. I feel tired all the time and cranky at the age of 48. Everybody thinks that my spouse is the grandpa, not the father. I now truly see why people should have had kids at younger ages.

[Anonymous]

Yes you will be judged, but why do you care about that?

I think this is only a remotely good idea if you’re very well off. Able to pay for donor egg and sperm. Able to pay for IVF or surrogate. Able to pay for so much childcare and to leave your kid a trust fund since you can’t count on being healthy past late 60s.

My kid didn’t sleep through the night until they were 2. I can’t imagine having to go through that as a single mom in my 50s with a job. Only do it if you’re loaded or have a tonne of support.

[Anonymous]

It is not easy at 52, but if you can swing it, do it. Getting pregnant with IVF is not easy. Or, try adopting an older kid and give them a forever home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work at a hospital - and the oldest mom of newborn I encountered was 52. It was an IVF baby. It was her second child with first at 50. She was married. She seemed to be in good shape and happy and capable.

Curious what age after 40 did women manage to conceive the most?

[Anonymous]

On purpose? I have a friend who accidentally conceived at that age due to off and on menopause. She apparently had a rouge ovulation after menopause and boom kid with a guy she wasn’t even serious about. Labor and delivery went fine and she is doing well now health wise.

[Anonymous]

My friend adopted her second child at that age. Single mom. She is a great mom - involved and patient and smart, and a wonderful role model for her daughters.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to do you, but I’m 39 and have three kids and started at 28. I can’t imagine starting 10 plus years from now!

[Anonymous]

My friend is 60 and has 2 boys ages 6 and 9 through surrogacy. Very well off financially, so has a live-in nanny, private school, etc. Even so, every time I see them, they are exhausted and look haggard. One child is ASD, the other very high energy. The friend has had a recent diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis and cancer. It is A LOT. And they have a partner to split the load. YMMV.