I dont know of any studies. But i have two friends whose parents got divorced when they were in college or adult and it rocked them really hard. Because then they realized their childhood was a shame. And it was so hard to come to terms with that. Those with parents who divorced young got over it much easier. |
May be but by this hypothesis divorce would lead to divorces for them, their grandparents are already divorced, wouldn't divorce of parent cement the idea that marriages are doomed? |
If you two can indeed have a decent coparenting roommate setup, definitely do that. You can even throw in occasional sexual benefits with mutual agreement. |
It’s called all of Asia. The kids will be fine in a drama free stable arrangement. |
Wow I could have written most of this - right down to the avoiding having friends over because my parents’ dynamic was a source of shame that I wanted to hide. My parents probably believed they were low conflict but in reality there was always a sense of tension at home and I did everything I could to avoid being there. |
I have a friend who recently divorced. Both parents seem much happier dating others. The kids are really suffering and hate going back and forth. It sounds like a logistical nightmare. It is hard enough to juggle kids’ sports and activities living in the same house. |
I would not put my kids through divorce in those circumstances. I would try working on my marriage though with therapy. |
I don’t know about research, but from my own experience, yes, it is better for your kids for you to stay in your low conflict (and low affection) marriage. Frankly, your affection level doesn’t make much difference to your kids. They would much rather that, that dealing with your boyfriends/dad’s new girlfriends, babysitters regularly so you can date, having much of your attention funneled into online dating, and then there’s the boyfriend’s kids..
When you decide to have children, you owe them a stable life. They should have to deal with your love life BS because you find your marriage low affection. Get your freak on when they go off to college. |
You know what is also embarrassing and traumatizing? Hearing your mom having wild sex with her new boyfriend |
+1000 I love how all of these “oh my parents lack of affection was SO TRAUMATIZING” posters think having the kids bounce back and forth between homes, deal with a parents new love interest, a potential new marriage and all the crap an associated blended family brings, is the better alternative. Marriage is hard. That feeling of constant skyrockets and butterflies in the stomach is long gone for most people. You enter into a marriage for the long haul. Think about your kids - not your lack of spark with your spouse. It’s pathetic. |
Don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the first hand feedback. |
OP is thinking about the kids. It's OP's therapist who isn't. I vote OP gets a new therapist. |
The low interaction is what would concern me OP. Are the parents cordial/friendly just lacking romance? Can they sit down together for family dinners? Or are they essentially strangers living under the same roof? I would not discount how much stress the latter puts on children. |
Not every therapist has similar worth as the couch they use. |
+1 million |