If one of your siblings is very successful...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL coddles SIL, and it has NOT done one piece of good. SIL is a lazy, entitled, flat affect witch; who would turn on you on a dime.

DH has done quite well for himself, as did I (separately, though they do not know) - and SIL and MIL definitely resent him. Two peas in a pod.

Is she also an ugly hair beast?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL coddles SIL, and it has NOT done one piece of good. SIL is a lazy, entitled, flat affect witch; who would turn on you on a dime.

DH has done quite well for himself, as did I (separately, though they do not know) - and SIL and MIL definitely resent him. Two peas in a pod.

Is she also an ugly hair beast?

MIL ans SIL are a little bit angry in life, let's put it that way. They were that way WAY before they met me!

What's an ugly hair beast?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your parents seem to value that sibling more? That seems to be the case in my family. I'm from a large family and one brother is very very wealthy, to the point where my parents (who are not short of cash themselves, but who are very impressed by wealth) can't stop gushing about how beautiful his vacation home is, how well he's doing etc. My father, who is a big crank, yells at my children and my sister's children, but not my brother's children, who aren't any better behaved than the rest of the grandchildren. Yeah yeah yeah, I know I shouldn't be jealous of my brother's $$, and most of the time I'm not (really!), but I AM jealous of the esteem that my parents hold him in -- and the lack of esteem my father has for me and my kids. That last part makes me really sad.

Haven't read the other posts but just want to say, could it be just that he's their favorite? And, possibly because he's the boy?

I'm the younger DD and went way farther than my older brother in terms of stereotypical success (my DB went blue collar and for a while, wasn't even working) After that, I also ended up marrying someone really nice and also super successful, and my DB married someone pretty lame who doesn't even like my mom. But my DB was always her favorite and it hasn't changed and never will.

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. My H is a very successful physician. His brother dropped out of law school to enter the restaurant business. Today he runs two really successful restaurants but hes not a lawyer. Or doctor. Their parents seem to value my husbands opinion on business and financial matters more than him (and hes older) which drives him crazy, and my own husband sees it and has called them on it. He is a totally capable maybe even brilliant man who just happened to follow his passion of food! It is definitely not that they love one more than the other but I do think they look at hem differently. Background is that the entire family are intellectual snobs and the oldest brother just happened to rebel against it, and they cannot deal!

[Anonymous]

Some these posts are sad. Some balance. I worked in tv for many years and had the pleasure of meeting Carl Reiner through a show appearance (for any of the DCUMs who know him). Anyhoo his son is Rob Reiner who is also famous and one of the producer's asked him if he was so proud to have Rob as his son. Not missing a beat he said of course but that all of his children were so accomplished and wonderful ..he loves them all and is so thrilled to be their father. I almost broke down then and there --I could tell he meant it and I left thinking..this is how I want to parent someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some these posts are sad. Some balance. I worked in tv for many years and had the pleasure of meeting Carl Reiner through a show appearance (for any of the DCUMs who know him). Anyhoo his son is Rob Reiner who is also famous and one of the producer's asked him if he was so proud to have Rob as his son. Not missing a beat he said of course but that all of his children were so accomplished and wonderful ..he loves them all and is so thrilled to be their father. I almost broke down then and there --I could tell he meant it and I left thinking..this is how I want to parent someday.

BINGO! So few parents get it, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. My parents have always treated all three of us as equal as possible. We vary vastly on how we've ended up and the paths we've taken. I sometimes feel guilty because DH and I are now very, very high earners---and my parents will still treat us to things, send us $ on bdays, shower grandkids with gifts, etc. There is no inequity. My one sibling has struggled more and i would understand if they were to help him more--if they do I don't know about it.

DH's family, on the other hand, coddles his sibling that can't get it together. His mom gave them her house, his aunt gave them a car, DH gives them $. My MIL spends so much time and effort on their children. It bothers me (though I would never voice it to him). What bothers me is not that they are given $--but that she invests all that time and $ in those grandkids and rarely comes to see ours. She is missing an entire relationship with her other grandkids. She will take this kid on trips to amusement parks across country, spend the summer with him--but can't make it to see us. I know part of it is she wants him to get to do these things his parents can't do for him--but still--she's leaving out her other grandkids The other thing that bugs me is they make really stupid choices with whatever $ they get---material crap instead of investments and paying bills. There- thanks for letting me vent.

My siblings and I are very close and very close to my parents and I think it is because even if they had a favorite none of us would ever know.

My two boys are very close and I try to treat them as equally as possible.

This happens a lot. It's because the MIL, etc. is trying to "equalize" the neglected grandkids. The intention is good but it reeks of favoritism.

[Anonymous]

My brother has become extremely wealthy and we are only a year apart. I'm a blue collar guy and wasnt blessed with his gifts but what I have been blessed with is a generous brother who has done more for me than I could ever pay back. I have always looked up to him and idolized him. He's bringing me along on this ride we call life and doing so allows me to experience things I never would have otherwise. I'm the luckiest dumb guy ever.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I have a brother who is a genius. The rest of us are just average. They try not to show it but their very extreme pride in boy genius compared to their other five kids is clear.

[Anonymous]

I have a very successful brother, a CEO. He made headlines in WSJ, and he's in the news often. It's been pp I don't feel my parents value him more. My mom had ambitions for me and wished I would make partner at Biglaw but I didn't even make it to senior associate. I know she was disappointed. Then my brother's career took off exponentially. She is his number one fan and follows his news every day online. I'm glad she has a super success story she can enjoy. I do not feel she has changed at all towards me. She is still amazingly loving, caring, super helpful mom for me. So I'm lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my family, i'm the successful one. while i know my parents are proud of me, they do expend disproportionate resources on my less-successful siblings. So, there's that.

me too

are you people who are successful not happy that your parents expend disproportionate resources to your less successful siblings?

I'm by far the least successful sibling out of 4 but so far my siblings haven't shown any hate or displeasure that our parents hook me up more than they do them.

I hope inside they don't hate me - i'd do anything for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no. My H is a very successful physician. His brother dropped out of law school to enter the restaurant business. Today he runs two really successful restaurants but hes not a lawyer. Or doctor. Their parents seem to value my husbands opinion on business and financial matters more than him (and hes older) which drives him crazy, and my own husband sees it and has called them on it. He is a totally capable maybe even brilliant man who just happened to follow his passion of food! It is definitely not that they love one more than the other but I do think they look at hem differently. Background is that the entire family are intellectual snobs and the oldest brother just happened to rebel against it, and they cannot deal!

your brother actually attained something that virtually all lawyers and doctors don't attain - that's success + self actualization through his career. A true intellectual would appreciate that. It's less that your family are intellectual snobs and more just philistines when a sheen of pseudo-intellectualism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realized I am very lucky.

In our family - if one sibling is successful they will help out other siblings. If one sibling is doing poorly - all others will help to the best of our abilities. We have each other's back. Success of one in the family means success for everyone.

My parents treat all of us equally. [/quote

"When I shine, you shine, we all shine" - That's one of our family maxims.

[Anonymous]

Yes, except in my family it's based on education. PhDs and MDs get all the love.

[Anonymous]

My brother is a hot mess. Lives off of my parents in his late 40S. Never held a job for more than a year and never had to worry about paying the rent after he quit but complains that "minorities" get all of the breaks. He's the golden child and can do no wrong in my mother's eyes. I on the other hand was too fat, too bitchy, too (fill in the blank), and got criticized constantly. He's always been her favorite. As a kid I put my nose to the grindstone and figured that if I over achieved she'd lay off of me or at least like me. Now I have a good life and a husband who loves me and my brother has nothing-- probably because she did everything she could to prevent him from developing character. It is absolutely heartbreaking to see what's become of him. Now I'm the successful one and she still treats me like crap but at least I have a life.