If one of your siblings is very successful...

[Anonymous]

Do your parents seem to value that sibling more? That seems to be the case in my family. I'm from a large family and one brother is very very wealthy, to the point where my parents (who are not short of cash themselves, but who are very impressed by wealth) can't stop gushing about how beautiful his vacation home is, how well he's doing etc. My father, who is a big crank, yells at my children and my sister's children, but not my brother's children, who aren't any better behaved than the rest of the grandchildren. Yeah yeah yeah, I know I shouldn't be jealous of my brother's $$, and most of the time I'm not (really!), but I AM jealous of the esteem that my parents hold him in -- and the lack of esteem my father has for me and my kids. That last part makes me really sad.

[Anonymous]

My parents are very good at loving us equally but differently. They are great at telling me how glad I am not to be afraid to be me. They tell my brother how proud they are of him for being as successful as he is. My sisters all get complemented differently and appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear that. But it could be worse if you were the family success and your parents favored your siblings.

[Anonymous]

Both of my brothers are way, way, way more successful professionally that I am (or ever will be) but I am very close to my parents so, no, I don't think it affects our relationship. I am closer to my parents geographically plus I am the only girl so I think that makes a difference as well. I'm sorry things are so unequal for you.

[Anonymous]

Sorry about your parents. My parents, like yours, are also impressed by wealth, but ironically in our own family, they do treat us all the same, which is awesome, as they are wonderful grandparents and don't ever put one child or grandchild over the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear that. But it could be worse if you were the family success and your parents favored your siblings.

Would this be worse, or would it be equally bad?

[Anonymous]

Op this happens to my family and I as well. The income gap is so big that it really disables our children from forming close relationships too. My parents have been taken under brothers wing, and through him are set for life. I try and just focus on how blessed I am to not have to worry about the financial aspect of aging parents. It can sting though, as I am very successful in a different way that is never recognized.

[Anonymous]

OP - DH and I are in the same boat. We are successful in our respective fields and make a good living, but not as much as DH's sister's husband who is quite wealthy. Not only are BIL/SIL quite wealthy, but they engage in really conspicuous consumption and virtually evey family get together is a show and tell for them of the new stuff they've purchased. DH's parents are impressed by this and continually make comments to DH and me noting BIL's success. But even more hurtful are the jabs they take at our house/car/lifestyle, continually reminding us that we do not measure up to BIL/SIL. The irony is that DH and I are far more financially successful than DH's parents ever were, but this doesn't garner their respect. After several years of hurt and upset, we've learned to let it roll off our backs. We refuse to allow it to occupy any more of our brain space than it already has. We focus on what we do have - which is a lot. As for our daughter, we shield her from her grandparent's remarks and obvious favoritism as much as we can and try to build as much of a connection with her grandparents as possible. It's not perfect, but we're not going to fight it anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have this in my family, too. It's sad to see how much parents value monetary wealth. I distinctly remember my mom telling my sisters and me to "marry rich." One sister did (and also made a good deal of dough herself) - so she's really well-off, but also a very harsh, conceited, bigoted, selfish person. For my dad, that doesn't matter - She's rich, and that's enough for him. My mom, I sense, feels some regret about the type of person my sister turned out to be - I think my mom always thought that being rich was all that mattered, but she now sees that if it turns you into a nasty person, then maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be. My dad treats my sister and her family like gods; although he doesn't treat the rest of us poorly, he is clearly more interested in maintaining a strong connection with them than he is with my other siblings and me.

[Anonymous]

No. I am the successful one and my parents absolutely do not acknowledge it because they don't want to hurt my sibling's feelings. So my accomplishments are downplayed to the extreme or they are likened to my sibling's accomplishments as if our successes are of the same caliber. My parents have also spent literally hundreds of thousands of dollars so that my sibling can appear to be on equal footing with me. And I am excluding the cost of education from that amount. I bought a house so my sibling had to have one too. I own my business so my sibling has to own her own business as well.

[Anonymous]

Successful child here. My parents constantly belittle my sister who has had a rough go of it. They constantly compare our children, which is totally unfair since they have had very different lives and her child is ASD. I hate it. I no longer discuss our situation (business, vacations, etc). We are moving into a very shallow relationship now. DH and I have worked very hard to get where we are in spite of our parents. Sadly, his family is not much better.

[Anonymous]

in my family, i'm the successful one. while i know my parents are proud of me, they do expend disproportionate resources on my less-successful siblings. So, there's that.

[Anonymous]

My brother is very successful and quite wealthy, I'm doing fine but chose public service. My parents are very proud of both of us. They love us differently, but treat us both with love. I can't imagine them treating our kids differently.

[Anonymous]

No... if anything they seem to value him the least.

[Anonymous]

As a parent reading this, I just cannot fathom valuing one child more than the other. I know in my heart that I will never head down that path. My boys are very different, one easy, one very difficult, but I appreciate them both. I appreciate my difficult boy for his spunk, determination, and independence and I appreciate the diplomacy and positive nature of my "easy" child.

If one is living in a gutter and one in a castle one day, I know I will value each of them for their unique qualities. Reading this stuff is pretty sad.