Help! My Neighbor Has a Huge Crush on Me!

[Anonymous]

I am a Female and I live alone in an apt. complex. My youngest son just recently left for college so I now have an empty nest which I have been looking forward to, however with it comes new challenges, I suppose.

I am single and I live alone by the way.

There is this neighbor guy who lives three doors down and has been flirty with me for the past year & a half since I moved in. I have always been friendly with him in a neighborly way and have never led him on in any way, shape or form. I could tell he liked me, but I always kept things in the friend...or rather I should say....the "neighbor" zone.

Well he found out my son moved out through another neighbor (I wasn't going to tell him!), and now his flirting has gotten heavier.
I am definitely not attracted to him for many many reasons and I am 100% positive he will not grow on me.
I am in my mid-40's and he is 32 or 33.

I work and have my own apartment home, my own car and I also go to school and volunteer. I like to keep busy and I like to better my life as much as possible.

He still lives with his mother and family, has no car and only works part-time in a fast-food joint. He also was a past drug user and just physically is not my type nor does he seem to have any ambition, sense of humor or charm about him.

He has gotten kinda aggressive in his flirting with me. For example, when I am outside, 80% of the time, he just "shows up." It could be random coincidence, but I sometimes wonder how exactly he knows when I am checking my mail, taking out my garbage, etc. since his windows do not face the exterior areas, etc. However, he seems to just show up at times. He also walks by my apartment any reason he can, however he doesn't actually knock on my door.

When he talks to me, he asks if we can "hang out + snuggle and watch some T.V." I obviously tell him No. And this is the same thing over and over. He asks me the same question, I answer the same answer. I would think he would get the hint.

In any other situation, I would tell this loser to stay the fu%* away from me, but since this guy is my neighbor and lives so close to me, it would make for a lot of awkwardness in my living situation and I really cannot afford to move out anytime soon for financial and personal reasons so that is not even an option here.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I can say to this guy so he can get the hint/message and leave me alone, yet things won't get so weird since we have to co-exist as neighbors??

Thank you in advance for your awesome advice DCmers!!

[Anonymous]

Tell him "No. I am not interested in anything but being neighborly. You are making me feel very uncomfortable."

[Anonymous]

Tell his mom. Or next time he asks you, say "No, and please stop asking me. It's gotten to the point where you're making me uncomfortable."

[Anonymous]

tell him he's being a little too friendly and that your cop boyfriend might overhear and not like it. or tell a neighbor you are seeing someone so it gets back to him. have someone send you flowers and leave them outside. you don't want to run the risk he becomes more scary or stalkerish than already.

[Anonymous]

Do you own or rent?

I would move.

[Anonymous]

I had a neighbor like this. The last straw was him grabbing me and hugging me, then sniffed my hair. OMG! I left a note on his door that said basically I had hoped he wanted to be friends just to be friends, but it seemed he was after something sexual, which wasn't going to work for me. His wife found the note first. He had the nerve to complain to me that she wouldn't have sex with him after that. TFB.

I was completely shocked by his behavior. Something similar happening now would end in a profane tirade.

Tell him you don't appreciate him asking you about cuddling all the time. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, tell him. Look him directly in the eye and say it clearly, without much emotion. Trying to dance around it to spare his feelings is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you tell your friends about his behavior.

I don't know if you can call the NON emergency # for the police and have them talk to him?

BE overly cautious. He might try something (rape). I would suggest moving if at all possible. You've been pretty obvious you're not interested, yet he persists.

Take a self defense class. Really. Make sure you always lock your doors and windows and have an alarm system in place.

Maybe a counselor or women's crisis center might have some ideas?

[Anonymous]

Sounds scary, OP. Read The Gift of Fear.

[Anonymous]

Be rude. Be abrasive. Be angry. Be anything but cordial and polite and neighborly. You've enabled this man long enough by playing passive it's time for blunt and brutal honesty.

[Anonymous]

Take your phone out.

Hit video record.

Hold it up to him and clearly state "do not contact me again."

[Anonymous]

Excellent advice here.

Surprise Surprise.

Not one snarky comment yet.

But the night is not ever yet...Oh shoot...Just a minute past midnight.

[Anonymous]

He almost sounds mentally disabled. Who asks a woman to snuggle, for Pete's sake?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He almost sounds mentally disabled. Who asks a woman to snuggle, for Pete's sake?

This was my thought too. Honestly, I think moving should be your first priority. It would definitely be mine.

You could also try stopping by your local precinct and asking for advice there. Maybe there's a paper trail you need to establish to get a restraining order or similar. He might be creepy and harmless or he might be creepy and dangerous, but either way he's harassing you.

What are his parents like? Do they seem normal and like they'd take you seriously if you talked to them? Or are they weird too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him "No. I am not interested in anything but being neighborly. You are making me feel very uncomfortable."

This. Also, go to Goodwill and buy two pairs of different mens workboots in the same size. Couple of nights per week leave a pair outside your door. Dude needs to take a hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He almost sounds mentally disabled. Who asks a woman to snuggle, for Pete's sake?

This was my thought too. Honestly, I think moving should be your first priority. It would definitely be mine.

You could also try stopping by your local precinct and asking for advice there. Maybe there's a paper trail you need to establish to get a restraining order or similar. He might be creepy and harmless or he might be creepy and dangerous, but either way he's harassing you.

What are his parents like? Do they seem normal and like they'd take you seriously if you talked to them? Or are they weird too?

Excellent advice.