Help! My Neighbor Has a Huge Crush on Me!

[Anonymous]

Do you have a close guy friend who would do you a favor and act boyfriendly for a couple of weeks? Let the neighbor see you coming and going, maybe holding hands in the hall type of thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a close guy friend who would do you a favor and act boyfriendly for a couple of weeks? Let the neighbor see you coming and going, maybe holding hands in the hall type of thing?

I don't recommend this. If the neighbor is really nuts, this might things worse. He might get violently jealous towards you or your "boyfriend."

I would start documenting and collecting evidence and asking advice from the local police as the pp said.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like the guy is emotionally stunted....and not good at reading clues. He may or may not be dangerous. If he is not (I have no way of knowing, and you don't either), the best thing to do is to be very direct...tell him you are not interested in him; you do not want to have any future contact.

Document it. Let friends know what is going on, and let him know that friends know what is going on -- that way, he will know that if he does anything, people will suspect him (don't tell him the last bit).

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Be kind but direct. Tell him you are in a long distance but serious relationship. If he does not take those cues, do not hesitate to contact someone at your local police station.

[Anonymous]

I think there is some terrible advice here. You do not need to fake another boyfriend or get a restraining order. Just tell him directly that he's making you uncomfortable and ask him to stop asking you things like that. It sounds to me like he probably just likes you and since you are trying to be polite and may have some hope you are interested. He may be misreading your kindness. Just be direct, and when he comes out when you are by the mailbox or whatever, just take your mail and walk right inside without engaging with him. If he persists or escalates after you've told him to stop, then I may talk to his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is some terrible advice here. You do not need to fake another boyfriend or get a restraining order. Just tell him directly that he's making you uncomfortable and ask him to stop asking you things like that. It sounds to me like he probably just likes you and since you are trying to be polite and may have some hope you are interested. He may be misreading your kindness. Just be direct, and when he comes out when you are by the mailbox or whatever, just take your mail and walk right inside without engaging with him. If he persists or escalates after you've told him to stop, then I may talk to his parents.

+1 don't fake a boyfriend. Be honest, if he is a nice guy he will be OK. If he isn't, then lying will only make things worse. He will see the "boyfriend" has a challenge. Or he will hear what you stay but take it to mean that you would be interesed if it weren't for the boyfriend.

Read The Gift of Fear.

[Anonymous]

I would tell him I had a husband, but that my husband was locked up in state prison for a violent crime and was going to be released soon.

Stress that since you are legally married to someone, you really shouldn't be talking to another man, it just isn't appropriate behavior. Plus, you aren't sure when your husband will be paroled for "good behavior."

This should scare the "Be-Jesus" out of him and I guarantee he will leave you alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him I had a husband, but that my husband was locked up in state prison for a violent crime and was going to be released soon.

Stress that since you are legally married to someone, you really shouldn't be talking to another man, it just isn't appropriate behavior. Plus, you aren't sure when your husband will be paroled for "good behavior."

This should scare the "Be-Jesus" out of him and I guarantee he will leave you alone.

No! Not only is that a cowardly and just plain ignorant action to take (because every lie comes out eventually) but its also insulting to women. What year is this? Are you telling me in this day and age the only way "protection" for a woman from unwanted advances from men is if she happens to be the "property" of another man? Get the f%k out of here with that shit! No she should be able to look dude dead in his face and tell him to F%K OFF regardless of whether she's got a beau a boyfriend a fiancee or a husband. What the hell is wrong with y'all?

[Anonymous]

Eye contact.

"Please stop asking me that. My answer will always be no. You are making me uncomfortable. Bye."

And leave.

He's missing in the top storey, so you have to be firm and direct, but not aggressive and angry. Most people like this are not violent, however as a routine precaution always lock your door/windows. If he happens to be present when to want to get into your apartment, wait for him to leave until you open your door. Before opening you door, do a quick bullseye check.

Other things you can do:
1. Contact local police to leave a paper trail. Perhaps he already has a file.
2. Talk to the apartment management. Maybe other women have complained, and he could be threatened with eviction if he persists.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is not a "crush." Please do not disparage true romance in that way.

He is harassing you. He's 32, works at a fast food joint (nothing wrong with that) and lives with his mother (something wrong with that.) He most likely has emotional/ social problems -- at the very least, he is socially inept. You need to be firm, and then stick to it. You cannot worry about the need to be neighborly with someone like this.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you have AIDS and HepB that could lead one day to needing a liver transplant and are not looking at dating because you don't want to spread the diseases to anyone else, so you choose to stay happily single and faithfully taking your medication.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I meant HepC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be rude. Be abrasive. Be angry. Be anything but cordial and polite and neighborly. You've enabled this man long enough by playing passive it's time for blunt and brutal honesty.

I wouldn't do that....trigger for something worse. Avoid all interaction.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you have a new boyfriend and you are not available and don't give details. Also, tell the other neighbor that you're friendly with, to cover for you since this neighbor might be inadvertently giving the fast food guy info on you or just stop sharing personal info with that neighbor.

Agree with PPs that fast food guy is probably just really immature and thinks you are available. Chances are he probably approaches all females this way and that's why he doesn't have a girlfriend.

It seems he didn't become pushy about dating until he learned that your son left. And you said that he doesn't knock on your door so that is a good sign that he probably respects boundaries--but you have got to be firm about not appearing to be available.

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted earlier and said tell his mother. I was serious. Mention it to his mother, kind of like "not sure how else to convey the message, since I've told him repeatedly I'm not interested; can you help?"