Do you say something to a mom in public with a sick kid?

[Anonymous]

Today I was at the library for baby lapsit and this woman was there with her CLEARLY sick child. The kid had a pale face, watery eyes, seemed lethargic and sounded like she was going to cough up a lung. The woman acted like she didn't even notice! I almost got up and left with my (thankfully) healthy baby girl. Maybe I should have, instead I just gave what I hoped was a dirty look. Knowing me it probably resembled a smile.

Another acquaintance of mine came to playgroup a few weeks ago with a feverish baby (she told us later) who later ended up admitted to the hospital with RSV and then pneumonia.

When I told my husband he said, "Why don't moms say something to these people?" I am very non-confrontational and never have the nerve - but should I get over it and say something next time? What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I didn't even have the nerve to "speak up" anonymously when someone on this board recommended taking a sick child to Starbucks because they were going stir crazy inside. Yuck. It's just what you have to put up with in life.

[Anonymous]

I usually give an overtly worried look and move my child away... I might say, "I can't afford for DS to get sick again" and if they seem really sick I might even leave. Not that these parents are all that concerned with what I think or feel. It does burn me up but I'm a wimp and have never said anything.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say anything to the lady at the library, but if someone I invited to my house did what your acquaintance did, I'd definitely say something. I'm also non-confrontational, but I feel it's different when something I don't approve of happens in my own home.

[Anonymous]

OP - cliche alert, but I have to ask -- this is your first child right?? For better or worse, you're going to realize soon enough that the world is not terribly sterile. Everywhere you go, you'll see sick kids and germy situations and guess what? You and your progeny will survive. Thrive even, because exposure to germs is how the body strengthens the immune system. A library is not a hospital clean room - if you don't want to encounter people with colds, you're going to have to stay at home... which is exactly what people with newborns do.

And as I suspect you'll hear from lots of other posters, by the time a kid is showing symptoms, s/he's often no longer contagious. You really can't tell from a quick observation if a child is horrendously ill or just has the garden-variety congestion that many kids who are in organized settings (school, playgroups, classes) have with some persistence at various points over the course of the winter. I keep my kids at home when they have a fever or are really incapacitated by the flu or a cold, but I certainly wouldn't ban any kid with a cough from going to the library or the supermarket. Or even that temple of good health Starbucks, despite the horror of the PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - cliche alert, but I have to ask -- this is your first child right?? For better or worse, you're going to realize soon enough that the world is not terribly sterile. Everywhere you go, you'll see sick kids and germy situations and guess what? You and your progeny will survive. Thrive even, because exposure to germs is how the body strengthens the immune system. A library is not a hospital clean room - if you don't want to encounter people with colds, you're going to have to stay at home... which is exactly what people with newborns do.

And as I suspect you'll hear from lots of other posters, by the time a kid is showing symptoms, s/he's often no longer contagious. You really can't tell from a quick observation if a child is horrendously ill or just has the garden-variety congestion that many kids who are in organized settings (school, playgroups, classes) have with some persistence at various points over the course of the winter. I keep my kids at home when they have a fever or are really incapacitated by the flu or a cold, but I certainly wouldn't ban any kid with a cough from going to the library or the supermarket. Or even that temple of good health Starbucks, despite the horror of the PP.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And as I suspect you'll hear from lots of other posters, by the time a kid is showing symptoms, s/he's often no longer contagious.

PP, I was there cheering for you until I read this LIE!!!

don't believe in this!

if you were right we didn't have to cover our cough/sneeze.
if you were right you would wipe your nose on your shirt and not be grossed out by it.

each disease has a different timing and some of them are contagious even when you're "cured".

be careful with this lies you read online. www accepts anything.

[Anonymous]

I think it should depend on how sick a kid is. If it's sniffles or a little coughing, we go out, otherwise we'd be inside for almost the entire winter!

And no, I don't think I would say anything unless the child was OBVIOUSLY extremely sick.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure it's called a "public" place for a reason....and if anyone were to say something it would probably need to be the libraray staff. I'd be kinda pissed if some mom came up to me and told me I shouldn't have my kid at the library...for all you know the child could have a chronic illness, CF, or some other illness that can cause coughing and not even have a cold.

[Anonymous]

yeah, my attitude on this has softened since having more kids. life goes on. Sure, I keep my kids home when they're sick or even marginal. But I'm a SAHM and it's no skin off my back. Now, I know that coughs linger on well after the illness has passed and well, the world doesn't stop when you get a runny nose. I see it all the time and I guess it's just one of those things you get used -- seeing the snot-nosed kids everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything to the lady at the library, but if someone I invited to my house did what your acquaintance did, I'd definitely say something. I'm also non-confrontational, but I feel it's different when something I don't approve of happens in my own home.

Agree. There is a difference b/w these two situations.

[Anonymous]

What would you say? "Your child is sick." Unless they have half a brain, they are probably aware of that fact. If you are in a public place, they have every right to be there. There is nothing you can do but leave. Unless you want to stay in your house and hibernate, just bring Purell like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

I would not bother the lady. But since most of these things are picked up from the hands, I would keep my child away from them, and I would not let DS touch toys they played with. Of course I would not want to be sneezed on, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - cliche alert, but I have to ask -- this is your first child right?? For better or worse, you're going to realize soon enough that the world is not terribly sterile. Everywhere you go, you'll see sick kids and germy situations and guess what? You and your progeny will survive. Thrive even, because exposure to germs is how the body strengthens the immune system. A library is not a hospital clean room - if you don't want to encounter people with colds, you're going to have to stay at home... which is exactly what people with newborns do.

And as I suspect you'll hear from lots of other posters, by the time a kid is showing symptoms, s/he's often no longer contagious. You really can't tell from a quick observation if a child is horrendously ill or just has the garden-variety congestion that many kids who are in organized settings (school, playgroups, classes) have with some persistence at various points over the course of the winter. I keep my kids at home when they have a fever or are really incapacitated by the flu or a cold, but I certainly wouldn't ban any kid with a cough from going to the library or the supermarket. Or even that temple of good health Starbucks, despite the horror of the PP.

Aaaahhhh...I was just waiting for this one because I knew someone would bring this argument up. This is a very misleading argument. Someone once mentioned that to me when I, too, was complaining that they brought their sick child to a playgroup. So I did some research. Apparently germs strengthening the immune system of kids is based on a study done in Germany comparing city kids to farm/rural kids. Apparently, farm/rural kids were more healthy as they got sick for fewer days per year. But guess what 'got sick for fewer days per year' really translated to? THREE fewer days of sickness per year. Big deal. For three extra days of being sick per year I STILL do not want my child around a sick kid. Because it might be just a cough for first child, but end up as a hospital visit for mine.

And "By the time a kid is showing symptoms s/he's often no longer contagious" is also not true. My brother is a pediatrician and says that symptoms can indicate contagiousness still. The general rule, mistated by this PP, is that by the time a person has had a cold for 4 days they are often starting to build up immunity and are less likely to be contagious. Notice I used words like 'generally' and 'less likely.' Vague terms because one never knows for sure who builds up immunity starting when. Child A can start to build up immunity on 4th day of a cold, child B might build up immunity on day 6 of a cold. This is confirmed by our own sons pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

You not only should not have said anything nasty to this woman, you shouldn't have given her the "dirty look." There are many other causes for this child's symptoms than a contagious virus. What if the kid is one who is allergic to everything -- should the mom stay inside all day? What if the kid actually has some terminal illness and the mom was taking him out as a special treat?

You'll learn soon enough. You will not be able to keep your child at home every day of every sickness.