Do you say something to a mom in public with a sick kid?

[Anonymous]

wow. everyone is being so polite and taking this post so seriously. puhleeze. after 4 years of dealing with silly/annoying parenting crap, i can safely say that this "issue" is the most absurd.

how precious do you think you are? you live in a very messy, complicated world, lady.

[Anonymous]

in two words: HELL NO.

[Anonymous]

THis makes me sad. I've been the receiver of many a dirty look or a mom who scoots her child away from mine. My 3yr child is being seen at the NIH. His body is attacking itself for no apparent reason, the don't know what it is. At first we thought that he had a string of virus's over and over again. However, we noticed a pattern emerging and also noticed that no one around him ever got sick and he never picked up the usual sicknesses that go around. For a long time we were hostage in our home because my son was sick all the time (high fevers, joint pains, vomiting, headaches, runny nose, mouth sores, inflamed tonsils) I was terrified to leave because I though he had a weak immune system, which he probably does, but it is most likely an AUTOimmune problem. Once we found out that his problem is internal, I try hard giving him a "normal" life, we try to do storytime at the library (it takes less energy out of him, so its good for him), we ride the carousel at the park, we attempt birthday parties when he is well enough, but miss about 75% of them, and I just try to give him the fun times other parents take for granted. He is normally really exhausted after we go out, but none the less, he talks about our time out for days and days. At this rate, I'm probably looking at home schooling him if everything continues. I signed him up for preschool this year, but he's only made it 50% off the time. I've explained to the school he is not contagious, had the doctor write a letter and they are accommodating.

I get dirty looks, I often watch mom's pull their child away from mine and whip out the Purell. I know they are thinking I am a terrible mother bringing my sick child around theirs, I’m sure they snicker amongst themselves about me. I want to walk around with a sign explaining his problems so he won't be treated like a leper. Luckily I have a wonderfully supportive group of mom friends who knows my son's problems and invite us to playgroups, even though my son looks terribly ill all the time. The include us in their outings knowing that most of the time we can’t make it. They know he will not harm anyone. I am grateful that they don't ostracize my son.

So to you posters, when you give someone your dirty looks or have something nasty to say, just remember you don't know it all. You don't know my life. I'm just trying to create a normal life for a child with very abnormal problems. I don't know what is in the future for my son, but right now we're just trying to live for today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - cliche alert, but I have to ask -- this is your first child right?? For better or worse, you're going to realize soon enough that the world is not terribly sterile. Everywhere you go, you'll see sick kids and germy situations and guess what? You and your progeny will survive. Thrive even, because exposure to germs is how the body strengthens the immune system. A library is not a hospital clean room - if you don't want to encounter people with colds, you're going to have to stay at home... which is exactly what people with newborns do.

And as I suspect you'll hear from lots of other posters, by the time a kid is showing symptoms, s/he's often no longer contagious. You really can't tell from a quick observation if a child is horrendously ill or just has the garden-variety congestion that many kids who are in organized settings (school, playgroups, classes) have with some persistence at various points over the course of the winter. I keep my kids at home when they have a fever or are really incapacitated by the flu or a cold, but I certainly wouldn't ban any kid with a cough from going to the library or the supermarket. Or even that temple of good health Starbucks, despite the horror of the PP.

Yeah, we'll survive, but being sick sucks. I hate it when I'm sick or when my kids (yes, more than one) are sick. It feels horrible and wastes a lot of time. So when your kids are sick, please be considerate of others and don't expose them to it, even though we are not precious and we will survive catching it. (To the PP whose son has an autoimmune disease, this obviously is not directed at you since your son is not exposing anyone to anything contagious.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THis makes me sad. I've been the receiver of many a dirty look or a mom who scoots her child away from mine. My 3yr child is being seen at the NIH. His body is attacking itself for no apparent reason, the don't know what it is. At first we thought that he had a string of virus's over and over again. However, we noticed a pattern emerging and also noticed that no one around him ever got sick and he never picked up the usual sicknesses that go around. For a long time we were hostage in our home because my son was sick all the time (high fevers, joint pains, vomiting, headaches, runny nose, mouth sores, inflamed tonsils) I was terrified to leave because I though he had a weak immune system, which he probably does, but it is most likely an AUTOimmune problem. Once we found out that his problem is internal, I try hard giving him a "normal" life, we try to do storytime at the library (it takes less energy out of him, so its good for him), we ride the carousel at the park, we attempt birthday parties when he is well enough, but miss about 75% of them, and I just try to give him the fun times other parents take for granted. He is normally really exhausted after we go out, but none the less, he talks about our time out for days and days. At this rate, I'm probably looking at home schooling him if everything continues. I signed him up for preschool this year, but he's only made it 50% off the time. I've explained to the school he is not contagious, had the doctor write a letter and they are accommodating.

I get dirty looks, I often watch mom's pull their child away from mine and whip out the Purell. I know they are thinking I am a terrible mother bringing my sick child around theirs, I’m sure they snicker amongst themselves about me. I want to walk around with a sign explaining his problems so he won't be treated like a leper. Luckily I have a wonderfully supportive group of mom friends who knows my son's problems and invite us to playgroups, even though my son looks terribly ill all the time. The include us in their outings knowing that most of the time we can’t make it. They know he will not harm anyone. I am grateful that they don't ostracize my son.

So to you posters, when you give someone your dirty looks or have something nasty to say, just remember you don't know it all. You don't know my life. I'm just trying to create a normal life for a child with very abnormal problems. I don't know what is in the future for my son, but right now we're just trying to live for today.

I am so sorry, and hope that your son recovers from his illness. Have they a definitive diagnosis yet?

[Anonymous]

I am sorry for the mom and her son from a few posts ago. It sounds heartbreaking. I'm glad you have such nice friends.

But ... this is not the usual circumstances when a kid is sick. I am a first time mom but I don't want my baby near sick kids any more than I want to be with sick people at my office. I don't think all sick kids should have to stay home, but at least try to avoid places where there are lots of other children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow. everyone is being so polite and taking this post so seriously. puhleeze. after 4 years of dealing with silly/annoying parenting crap, i can safely say that this "issue" is the most absurd.

how precious do you think you are? you live in a very messy, complicated world, lady.

Yes, and your post reminds us of why.

[Anonymous]

To the mom with the child who is being evaluated at NIH, I feel for you and I wish him the best.

If a baby that is less than 2 mos old catches an infection and it results in a fever...in some instances they will need to do a spinal tap to determine the cause of the infection. Have you ever been a witness to a spinal tap. It is the worst thing to witness. A baby cries during a spinal tap like it is being tortured to death. It is extreeemely painful.

So this is why its important to keep your sick kids away from others and especially away from babies less than 2 mos old.

[Anonymous]

If a baby that is less than 2 mos old catches an infection and it results in a fever...in some instances they will need to do a spinal tap to determine the cause of the infection. Have you ever been a witness to a spinal tap. It is the worst thing to witness. A baby cries during a spinal tap like it is being tortured to death. It is extreeemely painful.

So this is why its important to keep your sick kids away from others and especially away from babies less than 2 mos old.

But the point here is that, to the extent possible, newborns should be kept home and away from potential germs, particularly in winter (as any pediatrician will advise)... not that every child with a cough or the sniffles needs to be banned from public places.

Look, I don't understand why this is so tough. It's common sense. No one here has argued that a really sick kid (strep, chicken pox, nasty stomach virus, whatever) should be tossed into the mall playspace like Typhoid Mary. But most adults recognize that you cannot expect to avoid any contact with people who have everyday colds or other minor bugs - particularly if you have or are around children. Shooting dirty looks or nasty remarks at the parents of every coughing kid in public place is just plain rude and ridiculous.

And note to the obsessive Purell crowd: If you expect to quarantine your child away from other children who may have colds, you ought to be planning to home school. In an air-tight bubble. Good luck on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't even have the nerve to "speak up" anonymously when someone on this board recommended taking a sick child to Starbucks because they were going stir crazy inside. Yuck. It's just what you have to put up with in life.

That was my kid who was stir crazy. The doctor had told me he was no longer contagious. But yes, he was still symptomatic. The doctor told me at a follow up visit to take him to the mall to let him run around. I assume he wouldn't have done that if my child were a risk to anyone else.

BTW, I didn't do either.

[Anonymous]

If they have a fever, keep them home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - cliche alert, but I have to ask -- this is your first child right?? For better or worse, you're going to realize soon enough that the world is not terribly sterile. Everywhere you go, you'll see sick kids and germy situations and guess what? You and your progeny will survive. Thrive even, because exposure to germs is how the body strengthens the immune system. A library is not a hospital clean room - if you don't want to encounter people with colds, you're going to have to stay at home... which is exactly what people with newborns do.

And as I suspect you'll hear from lots of other posters, by the time a kid is showing symptoms, s/he's often no longer contagious. You really can't tell from a quick observation if a child is horrendously ill or just has the garden-variety congestion that many kids who are in organized settings (school, playgroups, classes) have with some persistence at various points over the course of the winter. I keep my kids at home when they have a fever or are really incapacitated by the flu or a cold, but I certainly wouldn't ban any kid with a cough from going to the library or the supermarket. Or even that temple of good health Starbucks, despite the horror of the PP.

Aaaahhhh...I was just waiting for this one because I knew someone would bring this argument up. This is a very misleading argument. Someone once mentioned that to me when I, too, was complaining that they brought their sick child to a playgroup. So I did some research. Apparently germs strengthening the immune system of kids is based on a study done in Germany comparing city kids to farm/rural kids. Apparently, farm/rural kids were more healthy as they got sick for fewer days per year. But guess what 'got sick for fewer days per year' really translated to? THREE fewer days of sickness per year. Big deal. For three extra days of being sick per year I STILL do not want my child around a sick kid. Because it might be just a cough for first child, but end up as a hospital visit for mine.

AMEN! Well put!

And "By the time a kid is showing symptoms s/he's often no longer contagious" is also not true. My brother is a pediatrician and says that symptoms can indicate contagiousness still. The general rule, mistated by this PP, is that by the time a person has had a cold for 4 days they are often starting to build up immunity and are less likely to be contagious. Notice I used words like 'generally' and 'less likely.' Vague terms because one never knows for sure who builds up immunity starting when. Child A can start to build up immunity on 4th day of a cold, child B might build up immunity on day 6 of a cold. This is confirmed by our own sons pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - cliche alert, but I have to ask -- this is your first child right?? For better or worse, you're going to realize soon enough that the world is not terribly sterile. Everywhere you go, you'll see sick kids and germy situations and guess what? You and your progeny will survive. Thrive even, because exposure to germs is how the body strengthens the immune system. A library is not a hospital clean room - if you don't want to encounter people with colds, you're going to have to stay at home... which is exactly what people with newborns do.

And as I suspect you'll hear from lots of other posters, by the time a kid is showing symptoms, s/he's often no longer contagious. You really can't tell from a quick observation if a child is horrendously ill or just has the garden-variety congestion that many kids who are in organized settings (school, playgroups, classes) have with some persistence at various points over the course of the winter. I keep my kids at home when they have a fever or are really incapacitated by the flu or a cold, but I certainly wouldn't ban any kid with a cough from going to the library or the supermarket. Or even that temple of good health Starbucks, despite the horror of the PP.

Aaaahhhh...I was just waiting for this one because I knew someone would bring this argument up. This is a very misleading argument. Someone once mentioned that to me when I, too, was complaining that they brought their sick child to a playgroup. So I did some research. Apparently germs strengthening the immune system of kids is based on a study done in Germany comparing city kids to farm/rural kids. Apparently, farm/rural kids were more healthy as they got sick for fewer days per year. But guess what 'got sick for fewer days per year' really translated to? THREE fewer days of sickness per year. Big deal. For three extra days of being sick per year I STILL do not want my child around a sick kid. Because it might be just a cough for first child, but end up as a hospital visit for mine.

And "By the time a kid is showing symptoms s/he's often no longer contagious" is also not true. My brother is a pediatrician and says that symptoms can indicate contagiousness still. The general rule, mistated by this PP, is that by the time a person has had a cold for 4 days they are often starting to build up immunity and are less likely to be contagious. Notice I used words like 'generally' and 'less likely.' Vague terms because one never knows for sure who builds up immunity starting when. Child A can start to build up immunity on 4th day of a cold, child B might build up immunity on day 6 of a cold. This is confirmed by our own sons pediatrician.

AMEN!!

[Anonymous]

Aaaahhhh...I was just waiting for this one because I knew someone would bring this argument up. This is a very misleading argument. Someone once mentioned that to me when I, too, was complaining that they brought their sick child to a playgroup. So I did some research. Apparently germs strengthening the immune system of kids is based on a study done in Germany comparing city kids to farm/rural kids. Apparently, farm/rural kids were more healthy as they got sick for fewer days per year. But guess what 'got sick for fewer days per year' really translated to? THREE fewer days of sickness per year. Big deal. For three extra days of being sick per year I STILL do not want my child around a sick kid. Because it might be just a cough for first child, but end up as a hospital visit for mine.

And "By the time a kid is showing symptoms s/he's often no longer contagious" is also not true. My brother is a pediatrician and says that symptoms can indicate contagiousness still. The general rule, mistated by this PP, is that by the time a person has had a cold for 4 days they are often starting to build up immunity and are less likely to be contagious. Notice I used words like 'generally' and 'less likely.' Vague terms because one never knows for sure who builds up immunity starting when. Child A can start to build up immunity on 4th day of a cold, child B might build up immunity on day 6 of a cold. This is confirmed by our own sons pediatrician.

Gee, DCUM really is a hotbed of germophobes! BTW, thanks for sharing your "research" but quoting random studies of German farm kids is exactly what I mean by practicing medicine by Google. Forgive me if I rely on my own pediatrician instead of your internet research or some anonymous poster's brother.

Point of fact: I didn't say anything about a "general rule" of 4 days. And I didn't claim that no child showing symptoms is potentially infectious - just that lots of kids who may appear sick may not in fact be contagious. Unless you are a doctor and are examining the sniffly kid next to yours at the library, you have no way to know whether s/he is. E.g., when my older child has been given antibiotics for an infection, his pediatrician generally has recommended that he can return to school after 24 hours, provided he is feeling better. And for that matter, no pediatrician has ever advised me to keep my children locked in the house if they have a runny nose or cough.

But again, if you're that disturbed by children with colds out in public, keep your own kids at home, and get cracking on your internet research because 18 years is a long long time to be quarantined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry for the mom and her son from a few posts ago. It sounds heartbreaking. I'm glad you have such nice friends.

But ... this is not the usual circumstances when a kid is sick. I am a first time mom but I don't want my baby near sick kids any more than I want to be with sick people at my office. I don't think all sick kids should have to stay home, but at least try to avoid places where there are lots of other children.

Maybe you should avoid these public places. You are the one with the problem.

If you are a SAHM, what are you going to do if you have 2 kids - one sick and one not? You really think you won't go to the playground b/c your non-sick kid is going crazy??? OR to Starbucks for a few minutes?

Just bring some hand sanitizer, teach your children to wash their hands and stay away from the sick kids if it bothers you. But don't expect everybody to live only in their homes when their kids get the sniffles.