Wife is not a good sham

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it shocks me as a full time working mom that op is being called a troll. are there really people out here deciding to stay home with help who don't think they have a hustle of their own to do? wtf? marriage you are a team where you both do annoying stuff. not where one person does annoying stuff. jfc.

it shocks you because you cannot read. she’s doind a ton. she’s just not the stepford wife to which OP believes he is entitled.

OP here. I don’t want a stepford wife and I never said I was entitled to one. I do, however, expect my spouse to pull their weight. We have a nanny come 5 days a week, one kid in daycare 3 days a week, and a housekeeper that comes twice a month. On the weekends, I let her sleep in and Saturday is her to go get a massage ( she’s gets them weekly), get a mani/pedi, see friends, etc. She has ample time to get things done.

I feel like I provide my wife with a very nice lifestyle. She has a very involved husband/father, a very nice expensive home, and she gets anything she wants from me.

You still seem to think your wife works for you. How much do you think you owe her for giving birth to and breastfeeding your two children? It will take you a while to work off that debt.

OP doesn’t think she owes him anything. Her choice was to stay at home and she assume those responsibilities that come with it. If OP decided to stop supporting his wife, wouldn’t she leave him? I doubt she would decide to pick up the slack and support her entire family.

OP was quite clear - bearing the children, nursing them, taking care of them, cleaning, was not enough. She needed to also be keeping the house tidy at all times and serving a homemade dinner every night at 6. After all she gets 3 hours off on Saturdays!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it shocks me as a full time working mom that op is being called a troll. are there really people out here deciding to stay home with help who don't think they have a hustle of their own to do? wtf? marriage you are a team where you both do annoying stuff. not where one person does annoying stuff. jfc.

it shocks you because you cannot read. she’s doind a ton. she’s just not the stepford wife to which OP believes he is entitled.

OP here. I don’t want a stepford wife and I never said I was entitled to one. I do, however, expect my spouse to pull their weight. We have a nanny come 5 days a week, one kid in daycare 3 days a week, and a housekeeper that comes twice a month. On the weekends, I let her sleep in and Saturday is her to go get a massage ( she’s gets them weekly), get a mani/pedi, see friends, etc. She has ample time to get things done.

I feel like I provide my wife with a very nice lifestyle. She has a very involved husband/father, a very nice expensive home, and she gets anything she wants from me.

You still seem to think your wife works for you. How much do you think you owe her for giving birth to and breastfeeding your two children? It will take you a while to work off that debt.

OP here. No but we are a team. Why is it so wrong to expect her to do household things when she stays home and we have a nanny?

If you want to play the game that I owe her something for having my kids, we could just as much say she owes me for providing for her. That’s a slippery slope.

well, how much do you owe her for physically carrying, giving birth to, and nursing your children?

she IS doing enough. you think she owes you working every minute of her day to your satisfaction. you believe you grant her “time off” at your discretion. you are and absolutely disgusting and clueless person. I predict divorce within 3 years - hope you also enjoy handing her over 50% of your assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP realizes how hard it is to just take care of a baby and toddler. Forget the cooking and cleaning, just keeping the kids alive and not crying. Add to that playing and feeding them.

I remember snapping at DH when he came home and commented about the house being messy. I used to work 60 hours per week and didn’t cook. You don’t all of a sudden become an amazing cook and housekeeper because you give birth to two kids.

OP here. I’m aware it’s challenging and not easy. I have had them on my own for extended periods many times before. I care for them in the evenings and on the weekends as much as I can.

My kids are older now and Dh earns a seven figure income. I actually enjoy the kids. I don’t enjoy cooking and cleaning.

I was a terrible SAHM in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP realizes how hard it is to just take care of a baby and toddler. Forget the cooking and cleaning, just keeping the kids alive and not crying. Add to that playing and feeding them.

I remember snapping at DH when he came home and commented about the house being messy. I used to work 60 hours per week and didn’t cook. You don’t all of a sudden become an amazing cook and housekeeper because you give birth to two kids.

OP here. I’m aware it’s challenging and not easy. I have had them on my own for extended periods many times before. I care for them in the evenings and on the weekends as much as I can.

My kids are older now and Dh earns a seven figure income. I actually enjoy the kids. I don’t enjoy cooking and cleaning.

I was a terrible SAHM in the beginning.

I wanted to add that DH probably still thinks he does more cooking and cleaning than I do. I’m well educated and attractive and our kids are beautiful and smart. DH accepts cooking and cleaning are not my forte. I still get annoyed when he comes home and asks me what’s for dinner. I’m annoyed that I have to feed the kids for all meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it shocks me as a full time working mom that op is being called a troll. are there really people out here deciding to stay home with help who don't think they have a hustle of their own to do? wtf? marriage you are a team where you both do annoying stuff. not where one person does annoying stuff. jfc.

it shocks you because you cannot read. she’s doind a ton. she’s just not the stepford wife to which OP believes he is entitled.

OP here. I don’t want a stepford wife and I never said I was entitled to one. I do, however, expect my spouse to pull their weight. We have a nanny come 5 days a week, one kid in daycare 3 days a week, and a housekeeper that comes twice a month. On the weekends, I let her sleep in and Saturday is her to go get a massage ( she’s gets them weekly), get a mani/pedi, see friends, etc. She has ample time to get things done.

I feel like I provide my wife with a very nice lifestyle. She has a very involved husband/father, a very nice expensive home, and she gets anything she wants from me.

You still seem to think your wife works for you. How much do you think you owe her for giving birth to and breastfeeding your two children? It will take you a while to work off that debt.

OP doesn’t think she owes him anything. Her choice was to stay at home and she assume those responsibilities that come with it. If OP decided to stop supporting his wife, wouldn’t she leave him? I doubt she would decide to pick up the slack and support her entire family.

OP was quite clear - bearing the children, nursing them, taking care of them, cleaning, was not enough. She needed to also be keeping the house tidy at all times and serving a homemade dinner every night at 6. After all she gets 3 hours off on Saturdays!

OP said she doesn’t clean or cook. His wife gets 3 days a week from 8-2pm to herself, the evenings, and Saturdays. That’s more time off than most parents get. His wife is lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP realizes how hard it is to just take care of a baby and toddler. Forget the cooking and cleaning, just keeping the kids alive and not crying. Add to that playing and feeding them.

I remember snapping at DH when he came home and commented about the house being messy. I used to work 60 hours per week and didn’t cook. You don’t all of a sudden become an amazing cook and housekeeper because you give birth to two kids.

OP here. I’m aware it’s challenging and not easy. I have had them on my own for extended periods many times before. I care for them in the evenings and on the weekends as much as I can.

My kids are older now and Dh earns a seven figure income. I actually enjoy the kids. I don’t enjoy cooking and cleaning.

I was a terrible SAHM in the beginning.

I wanted to add that DH probably still thinks he does more cooking and cleaning than I do. I’m well educated and attractive and our kids are beautiful and smart. DH accepts cooking and cleaning are not my forte. I still get annoyed when he comes home and asks me what’s for dinner. I’m annoyed that I have to feed the kids for all meals.

You sound lazy too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it shocks me as a full time working mom that op is being called a troll. are there really people out here deciding to stay home with help who don't think they have a hustle of their own to do? wtf? marriage you are a team where you both do annoying stuff. not where one person does annoying stuff. jfc.

it shocks you because you cannot read. she’s doind a ton. she’s just not the stepford wife to which OP believes he is entitled.

OP here. I don’t want a stepford wife and I never said I was entitled to one. I do, however, expect my spouse to pull their weight. We have a nanny come 5 days a week, one kid in daycare 3 days a week, and a housekeeper that comes twice a month. On the weekends, I let her sleep in and Saturday is her to go get a massage ( she’s gets them weekly), get a mani/pedi, see friends, etc. She has ample time to get things done.

I feel like I provide my wife with a very nice lifestyle. She has a very involved husband/father, a very nice expensive home, and she gets anything she wants from me.

You still seem to think your wife works for you. How much do you think you owe her for giving birth to and breastfeeding your two children? It will take you a while to work off that debt.

OP here. No but we are a team. Why is it so wrong to expect her to do household things when she stays home and we have a nanny?

If you want to play the game that I owe her something for having my kids, we could just as much say she owes me for providing for her. That’s a slippery slope.

well, how much do you owe her for physically carrying, giving birth to, and nursing your children?

she IS doing enough. you think she owes you working every minute of her day to your satisfaction. you believe you grant her “time off” at your discretion. you are and absolutely disgusting and clueless person. I predict divorce within 3 years - hope you also enjoy handing her over 50% of your assets.

OP hired a nanny for his freeloading wife so she can take naps instead of caring for her infant who still naps a good portion of the day. She has evenings and sleeps all night. She has Saturdays off.

OP works more than 40 hours a week, cooks, and puts the kids to bed. Then he even lets his lazy wife have a day to herself ( though she has had plenty of time during the week) to again do nothing.

How is she doing enough when she barely spends time with her kids, doesn’t clean, and barely cooks? She’s lazy and a bad mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP realizes how hard it is to just take care of a baby and toddler. Forget the cooking and cleaning, just keeping the kids alive and not crying. Add to that playing and feeding them.

I remember snapping at DH when he came home and commented about the house being messy. I used to work 60 hours per week and didn’t cook. You don’t all of a sudden become an amazing cook and housekeeper because you give birth to two kids.

OP here. I’m aware it’s challenging and not easy. I have had them on my own for extended periods many times before. I care for them in the evenings and on the weekends as much as I can.

My kids are older now and Dh earns a seven figure income. I actually enjoy the kids. I don’t enjoy cooking and cleaning.

I was a terrible SAHM in the beginning.

I wanted to add that DH probably still thinks he does more cooking and cleaning than I do. I’m well educated and attractive and our kids are beautiful and smart. DH accepts cooking and cleaning are not my forte. I still get annoyed when he comes home and asks me what’s for dinner. I’m annoyed that I have to feed the kids for all meals.

You sound lazy too.

I’m not lazy. I just don’t enjoy cooking and cleaning. I still do it but that is not what I want to do daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it shocks me as a full time working mom that op is being called a troll. are there really people out here deciding to stay home with help who don't think they have a hustle of their own to do? wtf? marriage you are a team where you both do annoying stuff. not where one person does annoying stuff. jfc.

it shocks you because you cannot read. she’s doind a ton. she’s just not the stepford wife to which OP believes he is entitled.

OP here. I don’t want a stepford wife and I never said I was entitled to one. I do, however, expect my spouse to pull their weight. We have a nanny come 5 days a week, one kid in daycare 3 days a week, and a housekeeper that comes twice a month. On the weekends, I let her sleep in and Saturday is her to go get a massage ( she’s gets them weekly), get a mani/pedi, see friends, etc. She has ample time to get things done.

I feel like I provide my wife with a very nice lifestyle. She has a very involved husband/father, a very nice expensive home, and she gets anything she wants from me.

You still seem to think your wife works for you. How much do you think you owe her for giving birth to and breastfeeding your two children? It will take you a while to work off that debt.

OP doesn’t think she owes him anything. Her choice was to stay at home and she assume those responsibilities that come with it. If OP decided to stop supporting his wife, wouldn’t she leave him? I doubt she would decide to pick up the slack and support her entire family.

OP was quite clear - bearing the children, nursing them, taking care of them, cleaning, was not enough. She needed to also be keeping the house tidy at all times and serving a homemade dinner every night at 6. After all she gets 3 hours off on Saturdays!

OP said she doesn’t clean or cook. His wife gets 3 days a week from 8-2pm to herself, the evenings, and Saturdays. That’s more time off than most parents get. His wife is lazy.

I did not read the whole thread so don’t know the exact details of the wife’s schedule. I do know that with young kids, just because you have a nanny doesn’t mean you just get those hours off. I used to have a nanny when I was working and also when I had a baby. I often would be doing something with one child while nanny watched other child. Or I went to run errands in peace with no kids. Yes, I may have taken a break for a nap (kids were not sleeping through the night) or a mani pedi but it certainly was not the entire time the nanny was there.

I highly doubt the wife just gets off for the entire evening. The husband may be home but there is still dishes, laundry, spilled milk, groceries and Amazon orders, etc.

Also the day is so long. If the wife actually did get all those hours off, she still has to watch these kids the other 100+ hours per week. Babies and toddlers are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it shocks me as a full time working mom that op is being called a troll. are there really people out here deciding to stay home with help who don't think they have a hustle of their own to do? wtf? marriage you are a team where you both do annoying stuff. not where one person does annoying stuff. jfc.

it shocks you because you cannot read. she’s doind a ton. she’s just not the stepford wife to which OP believes he is entitled.

OP here. I don’t want a stepford wife and I never said I was entitled to one. I do, however, expect my spouse to pull their weight. We have a nanny come 5 days a week, one kid in daycare 3 days a week, and a housekeeper that comes twice a month. On the weekends, I let her sleep in and Saturday is her to go get a massage ( she’s gets them weekly), get a mani/pedi, see friends, etc. She has ample time to get things done.

I feel like I provide my wife with a very nice lifestyle. She has a very involved husband/father, a very nice expensive home, and she gets anything she wants from me.

You still seem to think your wife works for you. How much do you think you owe her for giving birth to and breastfeeding your two children? It will take you a while to work off that debt.

OP here. No but we are a team. Why is it so wrong to expect her to do household things when she stays home and we have a nanny?

If you want to play the game that I owe her something for having my kids, we could just as much say she owes me for providing for her. That’s a slippery slope.

well, how much do you owe her for physically carrying, giving birth to, and nursing your children?

she IS doing enough. you think she owes you working every minute of her day to your satisfaction. you believe you grant her “time off” at your discretion. you are and absolutely disgusting and clueless person. I predict divorce within 3 years - hope you also enjoy handing her over 50% of your assets.

OP hired a nanny for his freeloading wife so she can take naps instead of caring for her infant who still naps a good portion of the day. She has evenings and sleeps all night. She has Saturdays off.

OP works more than 40 hours a week, cooks, and puts the kids to bed. Then he even lets his lazy wife have a day to herself ( though she has had plenty of time during the week) to again do nothing.

How is she doing enough when she barely spends time with her kids, doesn’t clean, and barely cooks? She’s lazy and a bad mother.

oooh, she sleeps all night! what a slacker!

look, this woman gave OP two children one of whom is still an infant. He should be lining her path with rose petals in gratefulness. instead he micromanages her every moment and expressly compares her to “better” wives and mothers that his friends have. which is a point a lot of y’all are missing. OP is triggered (as he stated repeatedly) that his wife is “not as good” as other wives. he wouldn’t be satisfied with anything she does.

I am truly curious about what OP expects to happen when she goes back to work PT. Is he prepared to do more housework and childcare? Or will he now expect his wife to not only work fulltime but also do everything when she is home?

[Anonymous]

Lot of lazy excuse makers in here. The entitlement is off the charts; such excuses would never be made for a man.

"You don't know how hard it is to lift a finger and click re-order on Amazon Fresh!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it shocks me as a full time working mom that op is being called a troll. are there really people out here deciding to stay home with help who don't think they have a hustle of their own to do? wtf? marriage you are a team where you both do annoying stuff. not where one person does annoying stuff. jfc.

it shocks you because you cannot read. she’s doind a ton. she’s just not the stepford wife to which OP believes he is entitled.

OP here. I don’t want a stepford wife and I never said I was entitled to one. I do, however, expect my spouse to pull their weight. We have a nanny come 5 days a week, one kid in daycare 3 days a week, and a housekeeper that comes twice a month. On the weekends, I let her sleep in and Saturday is her to go get a massage ( she’s gets them weekly), get a mani/pedi, see friends, etc. She has ample time to get things done.

I feel like I provide my wife with a very nice lifestyle. She has a very involved husband/father, a very nice expensive home, and she gets anything she wants from me.

You still seem to think your wife works for you. How much do you think you owe her for giving birth to and breastfeeding your two children? It will take you a while to work off that debt.

OP doesn’t think she owes him anything. Her choice was to stay at home and she assume those responsibilities that come with it. If OP decided to stop supporting his wife, wouldn’t she leave him? I doubt she would decide to pick up the slack and support her entire family.

OP was quite clear - bearing the children, nursing them, taking care of them, cleaning, was not enough. She needed to also be keeping the house tidy at all times and serving a homemade dinner every night at 6. After all she gets 3 hours off on Saturdays!

OP said she doesn’t clean or cook. His wife gets 3 days a week from 8-2pm to herself, the evenings, and Saturdays. That’s more time off than most parents get. His wife is lazy.

You didn’t read the whole thread. She cleans, just not enough for OP. She cooks and is willing to organize dinner, but it’s not exactly what OP wants. She has AM childcare 3x/week and she uses that time to do chores/errands or to spend time with baby and nanny. She does the evening bedtime routine except OP is munificent enough to let her take a shower. And yes she is permitted one half day on the weekends to go out. Don’t forget that baby is only 6 months old and she just stopped nursing. OP literally thinks she should be working flat-out 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lot of lazy excuse makers in here. The entitlement is off the charts; such excuses would never be made for a man.

"You don't know how hard it is to lift a finger and click re-order on Amazon Fresh!!"

lol. if a man did as much as OP says his wife does while the nanny is there, we would all think he was amazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lot of lazy excuse makers in here. The entitlement is off the charts; such excuses would never be made for a man.

"You don't know how hard it is to lift a finger and click re-order on Amazon Fresh!!"

lol. if a man did as much as OP says his wife does while the nanny is there, we would all think he was amazing!

While not working at all? Yeah....I"m sure

[Anonymous]

She does sound pathetically low energy and like it's not a benefit for anyone to have her home doing so little with so much expensive help. She may be a good enough mom (though kinda lazy) but she's a shitty housewife so send her back to work I guess, the current arrangement isn't working. It's a personality type, nothing truly wrong with it but it's just low capacity. I was in her spot with young kids and it felt like a vacation.